Porn kills your dick's soul

I had been jerking off to porn since I was twelve.

Last year I came across yourbrainonporn.com, in a time when I was contemplating that porn might have bad effects on my psyche, sexuality, and even life.

Last September I decided to give it a try, to see if there is a difference if I don't watch porn, coupled with no masturbation (another post).

During all this time I would still have sex.And I did not know at that time that the sex would be mindblowing, abundant, hard and satisfying.. I did not even have clue on what was about to come.

First two weeks were hard, then and energy surge came over me, which, unlike what they report in studies that the testosterone peaks after a week, did not peak, it just kept rising.

Four weeks later, I started meeting girls easier than ever. I was getting signals left and right, and the interactions that I started were going well and fast.

In the gym the weights started flying, at work my head was clear as frozen waters of the arctics.

After a slow weekend, on a sunday, six weeks after the start, I watched porn, did not jerk off.

Monday: No motivation at work. Brain totally foggy, could not concentrate on the smallest thing. Gym: Weights crashed. Training sucked. Women: no motivation. I was down. I was suffering a temporary depression.

It would take another three days to get back to a lower normal level.

Another two weeks to get to some energetic level, and another four to start to fly.

On the sixth week after the first slip up, when life was flying high in all aspects, I watched porn again. It started with erotica, then I moved into french vintage, did not jerk off

Again the same:


Monday: No motivation at work. Brain totally foggy, could not concentrate on the smallest thing. Gym: Weights crashed. Training sucked. Women: no motivation. A depression of mind and body.

 And again, it would take another three days to get back to a lower normal level.

I had learned a valuable lesson, and I had almost enough data points.

Would make the same mistake after the next six weeks, even shorter time spent with porn, but an even greater effect.

Then a month ago, after two, two and a half months of no porn;

At a time when I was having trouble to pee in the morning for minutes, when my dick would rise to the sight of a girl bending down in the gym, when texting would get me hard, when just the thought of a girl coming over would give me a boner, when the gym was going crazy, work moving forward, and numbers accumulating, meeting gorgeous and feminine women,
On a sunday when I was having a girl come over in the afternoon,

I opened an erotica page.

From there went to some french vintage,

From there to some russian stuff,

Then to some amateur porn.

Spent close to two hours devouring images, videos, watching other guys fuck chicks that I would like to fuck... Not jerking off, knowing that release will soon knock my door,

Something also dawned on me that day: The absurdity of it. The perversity of it. Watching other guys fuck the chicks I want to fuck? What the fuck? And that day marks the end of my experiment. Now no-porn is a lifestyle, just due to this realization, if not for the following:

My visitor came.

Girl is the copy of an actress that I was in love with in my teens, and then we were the same age with the actress. This girl, mid twenties,  is younger than the actress now, and as beautiful as when the actress was sweet sixteen.

This gorgeous girl goes immediately to my bedroom.

We undress.

I have this naked gorgeous real life body touching me (writing this I get hard, tasteless info, but shows how a healthy male sexuality works),

What did I have in my head?

I could not get the image of a fucking hairy frenchman going "Voila voila voila uuuaaah"
The image then merged into a russian going "Davai davai davai"...
That image morphed into some german amateur dude shouting "Jaaa jaaaa jaaa",
And these images rotated.

I was not able to see the naked body I was looking at, I was seeing some french actress, some german girl, some russian girl with cum all over her face, sweaty balls and hairy pussies.

I did not get hard.

Not a bit.

I had a dead dick.

I was suffering dick death.

For few seconds the images left my head, I got hard a bit, managed to have some half assed sex.

Later, after some foreplay, she came, and decided to give me a blowjob.

My dick was no moving.

I came, I was soft.

This was the lesson I needed.

Took me a week to clear my head of all the porn images running around in my head, and at last, once again, wake up with a hurricane-resistant morning wood.

Now it has been four weeks or so, and I am not ever turning back to

"Porn is a legit sexual outlet"..

No, it is not.

Porn kills your dick's soul.

And no one who has not stopped porn will even know what it means to have a dezombified dick.

"Dude you crazy"

"Yep. And I am also the one who's killing hamsters with his morning wood"..

State declares rape as less criminal than stopping it

For the 1st of April, I publish a serious post, about what could have been considered the state playing April's fools on it's lawful citizens.

Wrote this 11 months ago, in the beginning of  May 2012, but never published it.

The things that happened in the last 11 months, the laws that passed, the laws that were proposed, sadly proved that the state/EUSSR is not joking and is bent on destroying free speech, free thought, and the right to self defense of a person and of people.

Stalin and Mao must be dancing in their graves.

Here is my April's fools. Where the Law Abiding European is the Fool of the Century. In the tragedy that is yet to be documented.

--- May 2012 ---

Last week I wrote a post about a news item I read, where it was written that the prosecutor was asking six months for two men who kidnapped a girl, beat her, threw her to the wall, tied her to a chair, threw her with the chair to the wall, threatened with plucking her eyes out.

While I was in shock about that joke of a charge, I had to read that the same prosecutor was asking for one and a half years for the girl who stabbed one of the guys in the chest in order to escape.

Then I realized something.

This is the state doing it.

The state has criminalized self defense. I knew it was so for western men for a long time, but this was the first time I read about the state criminalizing female self defense.

Of course there is the thing that if a female attacks a law abiding man, it is likely that she will get off scott free, and even if small, there is a probability of the man being sued. Not so for criminals.

If female self defense has been criminalized, what else does that say?

The state is saying that if you see a rape and intervene to stop the rape, and the rapist gets a scratch, you will be charged to an extent more than what the rapist will be charged with.

And since he is the criminal, you are the law abiding citizen, if he stabs you, you will still be sued.


The state is saying let the rapist rape, if you intervene you will be charged for criminal action.

In effect the state has declared rape to be more legal that stopping rape.

It has done this by charging self defense more than the criminal act leading to the self defense.

Next time you see a rape, says the state, walk away, then when far enough, call the police.

Since, with the way things are going, calling the police on the rapist and causing him stress will also be illegal.

In the meantime, the news outlets are going gaga over a rape where people walked by, oh the social crisis....; but are totally silent about a vibrating gangrape where the perpetrators were convicted to one year of probation; as in; hang out in downtown but behave. If anyone stopped the rape, they would likely be charged, possibly with racism, so why bother?How many people know the exact moves to put a violent rapist into submission without harming a feather on his delicate skin?

If the state has criminalized self defense, it has criminalized defending others, and living with guilt of not helping is better than living in prison for helping or living in the cemetery because of the criminal's right to self defense, who is, sentenced to behaving downtown on probation.

State does not say rape,
But state says, let the rapist rape.

 As a law abiding citizen, better listen to what the state says.

Who will be the one rejecting you? You?

Black sports tights, pink top, an amazing body, but it was the way she moved from one stretch into another. A body moving can be only such a beautiful sight. The smoothness, the softness. Clearly a competing athlete she was.

A face, that also has taken the graces from the gods of beauty.

Then I felt the energy of that feeling being mirrored. Which is a beautiful bonus. And a sign of "Go go go"

At some point when I was in the middle of my set, she came to stretch beside my station. I finished my set, having used my last breath, I looked at her, but needed to squat down.

That was it. I gave the rejection to her, and to myself where no rejection was existent.

Did I fear rejection, did I fear losing face in the new gym, did I genuinely have no breath... Does not matter.

I gave the rejection no chance. I rejected myself, I rejected her.

One thing I have learned in the past years is this:

You have a choice.

You can fear rejection.
You can reject doing the rejection yourself.

In longer words,

You can fear rejection, and preemptively reject, giving the Gods Of Fortune no chance in deciding it.

Or, you can reject rejecting, and see if the Gods Of Fortune favor you, and helping them in their decision by forcing them to decide, by going up and facing it, by creating your own fortune.

A man can get angry at a girl rejecting him. He is at the level of fearing rejection. He is angry at the Gods Of Fortune because this one time he tried, the dice fell wrongly.

Or,

A man can accept a girl rejecting him as the sign that he is not rejecting preemptively. This man will get angry at himself for rejecting any opportunity that arises. He likes to call on the Gods Of Fortune, he likes to makes his own fortune, try what is on the menu of the day. He knows by not letting the girl reject him, he is rejecting fortune.

Gods Of Fortune don't let their graces shine on men who turn their backs on them.

The last girl who rejected me, I laughed about it, I don't even remember it now. But this day I rejected myself. And this will be yet another lesson.  This will me make choose.

Which one will I be?

And you, what do you choose?

Let the girl decide if she likes you?
Or decide it for her? Negatively.

Will you create your fortune?

Let me help:

Approaching is attractive.

Another one:

We live for the days where the risks we have taken bear fruit.

The EUSSR and the denial of leftist socialist liberal communist useful idiots

Once again, have not been writing. Busy with life, busy with work, and too lazy to write.

I apologize.

See, been working on something that might create value to the society, no, by creating technological, tangible value, not some attempt at social engineering. Might end up making people's life easier, and increase their quality of life.

"This fucking capitalist system" says one facebook friends comment.

Anyway, so in this free market capitalistic system, if I employ someone to help me realize this idea, here is the breakdown of the budget given to investors.

Lets say the salary of my employee is 40.000
50% tax paid by me : 20.000
80% overhead on top of the sum, bit of it cubicle rent, the rest various costs due to taxation: 48.000

The employee will be taxed, 35%: 14.000

Then not counting the tax I pay to other taxes not related to the employee, or the employee paying vat, environment, etc etc etc taxes.

In the end, without these end calculations, the employee gets

26.000

Out of

108.000 of the money allocated to his service.

That's a taxation of over 75 %..... Before he even sees the money.

If we are living in a free market, capitalistic hellhole, this clearly shows that the big fat capitalistic bully is the state, no one else.

Wonder how a socialist state would look like.. Full slavery?

Oh wait...

Then in this time, another comment popped up

"It is disturbing that a professor gave the example of communist countries, like Russia, when talking about technology being used for evil when in under control of the state"

Besides me hearing almost every single time how free market is evil, how property rights (of course not in those words) are evil, how the welfare state is heaven (broke and abused), one time one person says that full state control over science can be used to do bad.

Likes, likes, likes...

Yes, because Stalin used science to make Ukraine a prosperous nation, because Stalin made Poland the home of earth friendly agriculture, and Siberia was used to collect the minds of communist states to solve world poverty.

Right.

"We of the left are enemy of the System..."

No

The left are the system.

Socialism and Marxism is failing has failed, has killed more than any other thought in a given century, has tortured more, has made more  suffer. But still they behave as if it never has been tried, still they behave as if the opposition. Fucking liars the lot of them.

Look at facebook. Who gets prosecuted for their comments? Multicultural welfare statists or people who want to have the right to self govern, who want their property rights back, the state out of their brains and wallets?.....

Freedom of thought, only if you think in allowed line of thought of,... The Party.

Left & co. It is the leading ideology, it is the system. It is the fashion. The God.

Who gets likes, and who loses friends?

It destroys by design, but it feels good to be one.

Because they care.

A cancer also cares for the host.

Help and risk jail, or let be and risk shame?

It was 3 am in the morning, I was sleeping happily in my bed.

Had some trouble falling asleep that night, because the events of that day resembled the events one year ago.

Last year I had a small rotation of four girls, and in the span of a month, one every weekend, the girls left the rotation with the same reason. She wanted more.  In the span of month I went from sultan, to having no beneficial friends.

On the day of this night, a girl made it clear that she was just playing for time when she accepted my "This is what I have to offer", when in reality she wanted me all by herself. So it ended.

Had trouble falling asleep, but then, if I had the same trouble of the harem resigning last year, this means, I will have the same trouble next year. Means, more fun in tue horizon.

So I'm sleeping like an innocent angel.

I wake up to the elevator arriving, and a heavy breathing outside my door. Ok... The breathing continues, and does not stop. One minute. Five minutes.

I get up and look through the door hole, I see nothing.

By this time I am sure I have a stalker, so decide to let time solve it.

Five more minutes. My eyes hurt, but still can't see. Breathing, sobbing and nose pulling.

BAM! Goes the door. I almost shit my pants. 3 am, standing by the door thinking about a stalker, all silent, and the my door gets kicked.

Fuck, I am thinking. "I'm sorry" says the person out of my door.

For the sake of my neighbors and my peace, I decide to check who that is.

For my safety, put the phone on the ground, facing the door, and run the camcorder.

I open the door, and there's nobody. Behind my door stands my neighbor, a 20 year old blonde, standing, facing her door, not moving, totally smashed.

After doing the right thing of recording everything, I make the stupid thing.

"You got keys?"
"No"
"You can sleep on my couch, in the morning call the keymaster", idiot, fucking idiot...
"I think I'll stay here" she says. She has a cigarette in her hand, outside is minus 15 degrees, if she goes out, she stays out.

But I got no scruples I'm letting a girl sleep on the staircase, if helping her further will put me at risk for some false allegation on her side due to imagination, fucked memory etc.

I close the door, let a 20 year old girl to sleep on the staircase.

Then my humanity rises, and I decide to do the second idiotic thing.

Again put the phone facing the door, press record. Go to the living room, pick a spare blanket, open the door and offer the blanket to the girl who is still sstanding, facing her door, cigarette in hand.

She declines.

Fuck it I say, I put myself in too much risk already, say a loud goodnight, and close my door.

6am...

I jump from my bed when a key enters my door keyhole.

I run to the door all adrenaline shaky, then I hear the voice on the way:
"is this your door?"
"mmmmm"

Keys in my lock.

"is this your door?"
"mmmmm"

Keys in my lock.

Some foreign guy distributing newspaper has found the girl, from what I can hear and see, she emptied her bag at some point, found her keys, and passed out on the stairwell again, until he came by.

By this time I am watching all of this from the keyhole.

In the end, he must have figured from the names that this is the wrong door, so he manages to get her door open.

She walks in without a word.

He leaves, I see it all. He comes back in a few minutes, rings her door many times, the girl has passed out. In the morning there is a sweater in front of her door. The guy turned it to he a real prince.

And if I ever would have heard that the police is investigating that bnight, I would testify on what I saw happening at 6am. Not gonna let a kind man go to waste because of some drunk angel's imagination.

But this is where the laws and their abuse has brought us.

20 year old future wives sleeping on the stairwell, drunk, without a blanket. A motherly icon.

Neighbors trying to help till they come to their senses that what they are doing is riskier than playing Russian roulette with an AK47 with a full mag.

Thanks to some clarity, I had all on tape. Still. Stupid.

Next night she was drinking again.

Stwong intepentent empowewed perfect example of the ideal woman, or?

And all the beautiful things she will have done in the past will have made her the unique beautiful person she is in the future.

Shhhhh...

A New Year and a late Merry Christmas

To all my readers, the few ten of you, I wish you a happy New Year, and a late wish for a Merry Christmas.

Wish you a good party into 2013, and may it be a good year! Scratch that, may you make it an awesome year!

for the lack of posting, have not been writing for over a month, work and life situation, and being out of groove for various reasons.

Will start asap, better, stronger, funnier, more insightful, more often, groovier.

Stay tuned,

Thank you all!!

The fallacy of the one

"You are the one"

A lie told to me,

A lie told to many after I turned down the offer to be "The one."

Many times a man has taken up the offer "The one", without knowing he just got it because someone else just had decline, and it was time for her to "have something meaningful"

Many times I have taken the offer, and not knowing better, have paid a hefty price.

This girl, sweet girl, talented, treats me well, has an innocence to her, is in a useful profession, and is overall good company hinted that I might be offended an audition for "The One".

I kindly declined, hinting at being "The Invisible Man", that I should be seen as "The Man Who Doesn't Count".

Because what she does not know is that I know that she hinted at a similar possibility for an audition for "The One" to one of my friends, two weeks before we met.

Her having very good taste does not change the fact that I feel she is casting a play, and looking for actors.

Now is her time for "Something Meaningful"...

A behavior that I have seen so many times... Gotta be honest though. In her case apparently "Meaning" hast mostly been there, so she is not one who has "Had my fun, now I can settle",

Still,

With girls changing their relationship status, and getting comments like "It was about time!" ... Girls posting the pics of their newborns and getting likes from a two handfuls of previous fuckbuddies... Girls walking the street with their "man" a week after I declined "The One"... Girls breaking up with "The One", and shouting their love for "The Now One" on facebook for all to see...

No thanks,

I'll be the actor in my own play.

"The Man Who Didn't Count"