Friday, June 18, 2004

Why the fuck shall I say Hi?

Why shall I say hi to a girl who did misbehave?
Or..
Why do girls expect me to be nice to them?
--------

Friday in Sokeri,
I see this girl, actually she sees me.., who I was seeing three years ago... She gave me an introduction to sado mazo stuff... Scary... We saw eachother for three months or so...
Then a break came, don’t know why.. she was sick, I think.. And then my calls – only two- were left unanswered...
Two weeks ago she sees me, and her hi is a grab of my butt, I turn see her, nod..
This week, she taps my shoulder,
A smile on her face,
“Hiiiiiiiiii”
I nod,
“Hi”

Her face changes, and I see her looking at me the rest of the evening....
Unhappy for the reaction she got...

------------

Friday in Colorado...
I met her in Bebop, three four months ago...
Was just before the last dance...
Interesting looking face... Had a hard look on it...

I broke my rule of not using the opening line, - Why this rule? Because it serves nothing more than getting me blueballs.... Reasons varied... Will not tell them here, because some losers out there will call me self-centered narcissist bastard....
“Let’s dance”
We dance,
We smooch...
We walk home..
Part ways near my place..
Meet the next day..
She comes over to my place...
The ice queen...
Nothing works... Man is this bitch stuck up...
I keep my distance after getting strange reactions to my approaches..
I get to hear then:
“Why are you so distant?”
Leaves my place after tea...
The next meeting she flakes...
For my last call she is “busy”..
Fine...

In Colorado...
I need to pee...
Get up, and move towards the restroom..
On the stairs, someone taps my shoulder and says, “Hiiiiii”
“Hi” I nod with a smile and continue...
Bitch.. You should have had the mind to say “Hi” a long time ago...

She sits in front of our table, and I get to watch her butts for the rest of the evening there... Very well shaped in the Gym Atletico..
They leave...
Soon after we leave...

Go to Sokeri...
Sometime, I feel like the caffeine of the Red bull is not enough, go to the bar to get a coffee...
There she comes, towards me,
“Hi”
“Hi”
We have three five sentences of stupid exchange...
She wait for me to initiate some convo...
I do not...
Except..
“How’s work?”
“Nice.”
“Nice?” I inquire
“Nice, like in awesome”
“Good to hear”
And turn back to my coffee, while she is looking at me with the look:
“Why the fuck are you acting so strange”.....

HAHAHA

Was I the one busy?
Was I the one turning her head when I come for a kiss, and then telling me I am distant?
Was I the one who flaked on a meeting?
Was I the ice queen?
And I am acting so strange...
Oh, you must be kidding......

---------


Am I supposed to give people respect?
No..
Am I supposed to be nice?
No..
Am I supposed to entertain?
No...
What do they think I am supposed to do?
Do you think I care anymore?
What am I supposed to do?
Take no shit...

-------------------

In the bar, the Italian tells me the russians he talked before are there...
I know the girls by face, got introduced to them once in Panama, but did not pay much attention that nite...
One of the is cute...
The other one comes over,
Says Hi to my friend, and the other guy she knows, I continue dancing, enjoying myself, giving occasional smiles around, not bothering my friend,
As said, enjoying myself...
Sometime later, I get tired, am calling it the nite,
Say bye to my friends, lean over her...
Say bye...

She sa’s:
“Why are you so serious?”
“Me?”
“Yes”
“Well I did not recognize that... If I am looking so serious, its maybe because of the strange behaviour you had, the last time you met my friend and me...”
“Uh....”
Uh, uh fucking what??

Now let me explain...
When they come to Panama, they are driven there by my friend, who picks them up from the other side of the town, mainly because of his brother from the states, as it is how they do it there...
Driven,
And even asked the guys to pay their entrance....
The guys did not, thanks to God....
Inside, in the first ten minutes, the girls got lost, and were not seen with my friends again...
Now and then she comes to say hi to him... So what???

Somewhere in the night, the cute one asks my buddy where I am from, Greece?
“No, “ he says, “Turkish...” – Now I just thought this is quite interesting, make myself a mental note...
“Uuuuuh....” She turns her head in disappointment...
That’s the story I get to hear..
I have no prob with russian women...
But hey,
She gets disappointed I am Turkish...
A russian...
A country known for its prostitutes in Turkey...
Women, who come to earn money, mainly...
She turns her head, to one income source of her countrywomen...
Me, no have respect for that, my friend...

Have to add, that later on, from an insider source, I get to hear, these girls actually are prostituting for 80 euro’s a fuck....
No more comments on this one...

Ah,
We get to see them later on,
Cute one comes introduces herself,
And upon my comment on her deep voice, really deep,
Leaves without saying anything, her nose up... – As if I care....

First discriminate me,
Then bitch on me – The comment was not really bad as most of you think, smiling, “Hey, you do have a deep voice” I said..

And then expect me to be friendly?
Ok, I do not hate you...
You just do not exist...

That’s all...

Great Football Guru, ...Drunk...

Again...
In the bar...
Somebody taps me on the shoulder heavily...
Trouble, shouts my instincts...
Turn around,

And see this heavily drunk, heavily built, heavily overweight, heavily shaved guy blabbing something... If there is a fight, I will need some polar bear to get the guy down, or a well kick in the balls... a well one...
Well ,turned out to be a cute guy..
I will not go into the stuff he said, or my efforts to send him away,

Here is a summary:
“Heee, you Kreek?”
“No, German”
“Nooooo... look at you...”
“Yeaaaa... Look at me...”
“Where is you mother and father from?”
“Germany”
“Noooo............... I know football very much”
“Hey, that’s great”
“European championships.. harhar”
“Yea, good games”
“Who is your favorite?”

I look around, and see only Italians,

“Italy”
“Nooo.. Italy sucks, my favourite is Turkki”
..........
I almost burst out loud...
He knows a lot about football, yea,
He just does not know that Turkey was out of the championships rounds after they lost against Lithuania...

What a favorite...
Hmmmm...

What is the most troubling thing..

Is that women who desperately look for sex, and that IS IN abundance, suddenly become “decent girls” when it comes to me..

Not that I am looking for that kind of woman...
But if even the fastest ones become tortoises...
What happens to the relatively nicer girls then?? The nicer... pickier.. interesting... whatever comes next.. ones...???
They suddenly become virgins with white wings,flying on the clouds of innocence, over the vast ocean of sloweity... under the sun of iwannabedifficult......

---

Ahhh... maaaan...
This I wanna be difficult thing...
....
You just become stupid...
Either you are difficult... or you are not...

But,
If you are dripping wet, and still wanna play the wanna be difficult game.. You become stupid.. unnecessary.. to be discarded after the first fuck...

CAN’T YA SEE?????

Two comments on my writing, and my response

On Sunday morning, the morning after the 4.30 AM text,
I was reading my newspapers to breakfast, and a very good friend, Ayca, came online...
I sent her my text,
And she commented,

“Do women take up such a big part of your life?”
“No, but its the part which I write about.... And I love women...”
“Reading you, I feel the you have changed... You are not the old sensitive cute gorgy anymore..”

“I am growing up”
“Growing up does not mean you loose your humanly values...”
“Well, while growing up I get I am taught some bad lessons..”
“Yeah, but you seem to live your life in a German porn movie taste...”
“Hahaha” I write, and shut up...
shut up..
Because she is one of the strange kind of people to have seen me... Who know me...

---------------

Same Sunday, after going to the second hand store, where I actually bought some cheap FHMs. FHM... A magazine which is so unnecessary...
I see the girl of the “dick” story..

“Hey, I’ve read your stories..”
“And?”
“Funny.. But you seem to have a... hmmm...”
“what?”
“This cannot be all to you..”
“It is not..”
“The stories.. You live shallow...”
“Look around... is there any relationship that is not shallow..? “
“.... .... .... .... you may have a good point there...”

Sunday, June 13, 2004

4.25 AM... Can't close my eyes...

Saturday, the June 12.. (2004)
Ok... now its Sunday, the thirteenth...

Home..
Eyes can't close...
After the bartender understood my request for coffee with lot of milk, ....as coffee and little milk in a beer glass, and the following two red bulls, do not need to look for other resons...
Took a mango.. Nibbling on it..
Another night, with one thing to write, many stories to tell about...
Can't fucking close my eyes...

First of all, today,... after spending the day like a zombie, slept till eleven in the nite...
Woke up, took a shower,
Went to panama..
I enter and see five colleagues..
All women...
The night will not be seeing me much active... I guessed...

Am inside for half hour,
A friend comes,
Back from San Fransisco for a holiday...
"Hey, I could not recognize you.. You got older in the to months" She says..
"Thanx..."
Yea, I think I've been like this for the past month...
I do not know what's wrong with me...
In some point I sent her away, needed freedom..
Felt claustrophobic..
Something which I feel too often these days.. Am really owing her an excuse for that...

The barmaid in Panama I know, snarled at me...
I do not know why...

Yes, am home..
And yes, no girl with me..
And yes, I could've had a pick out of five...
At least..

Did I make a move?
No....
Not on these choices I had..

They were all beautiful, mind you.. Taking reference to other guys.. Who desperately tried to hunt them down...
That does not matter much...
I did not make my move...
Preferred dancing on Insomnia by myself...
Or whatever else song there was...
The music was my salvation..

Back to the five...
White dress brunette, pink blonde, red brunette, the others I don't remember...

Same as not feeling like saying hi to women I know...
Just did not feel like going over and have a conversation,
With somebody I would just go,
"Wham bam, .... bye ma'am"

Mango finished, Disco Boys playing silently, and the windows open,
Freezing here...
....4.34 AM

I do not know what has come over me...
Just three, four weeks ago,.. I was talking to ladies, entertaining them, more important, letting them entertain me..

Now I am entertaining myself,
Not feeling like entertaining women...
Not feeling like going up to one, "Hi"...

Why?
Dammit,... why?

Like until three weeks ago..
I guess its the thing that women, knowing there is no future with me, back off...
What happened many times is,
A girl, after some interaction,
Seems like in a dream... Having the best time..
...then...
Awakens at some point, looks at me, closes her eyes, shakes her head as if trying to erase a picture in her head,
And would be gone in less than sixty seconds...
Her eyes still on me when dancing with another guy, at the bar, or even when leaving...

And I stand there,
Women seeing me interact with her do not approach me, or let me approach.. You know, I am the player... That is a bad thing...
Or I am an asshole, whatever they think, I am blocked..

Then I heard the famous words...
"When you talk to a girl, it means you think she is easy..
If you turn your back though, you become a challenge"
After that, it went downwards..
I saw the interactions people had in the bar with a new eye..
And this eye saw the truth...
And this truth, took me up...
Yea, up...

Everything is relative though...
And the higher you fly, the lower you fall...
That is, if you can feel the fall...

Disco Boys is good... Very good...
Anyway,

I realized I was too much - again...
And realized, my hi, has no function any other than raising the ego of some female...

No..
I refuse...

It has been like this,
I do not go talk to women now... Except when I know I will regret it if I do not go..
And for that she must be something...
Extraordinary...

And that is FUCKING RARE....
The eagle who sores too high looses sight of the little prey...
And the big prey is not so easy to catch...,
And if catched, it is hard to shake the memories, and the feelings, the memory of the quality, memory of fun,
And I guess I have had big preys, a couple too much...
Loosing my eyes on small prey...
Making me not move on a girl who desperately is checking me out, a girl getting hit my men, every five minutes...

A sure shot..
A body to fill my bed..
A girl to make breakfast for..

But no...
I look at her..
Feel nothing...
No excitement...
No arousal...

...

I am bored...
Bored of trying to guess if that girl is interested or not...
I learned not to do kamikaze action.. Long time ago..

Girl checking me out...
So many times they turned to be engaged, or married..
Or bitched on me this way or that..
Flaked on me...
Turned out to be psychos...
Turned out to have psycho friends...
Turned out to be ego bitches..
Turned out to need approval of themselves, by my hi, or by their bye... Still looking at me though...

Am bored of women looking to me as if I am a god,
And not having the guts to approach...

And get bitchy when I approach.. When I am smiling.. poker faced.. or even asshole faced... maybe pimpish faced??

As I got bored of the approach...
"Hi" seems to be a word so distant....
And,
I am bored with these women...

....

The ones for which I am not bored,
Are, a handful, maybe,
Wish I was in the relationship mode...
....

Look at the dilemma...
Not want relationship...
Too picky for "Wham bam, bye ma'am"
Seems like my hand's gonna work for some time...
....

4.53 AM

Disco Boys - Electronic Surgery
Window still open...

....

So, what did I talk about?
Bored of trying to guess the interest level/ genuinity
Bored of providing women with good time, except a handful...
Bored of approaching..
Bored of saying Hi...
Bored of women without balls...
Bored of friend blocks...

....


Like yesterday,
Am chatting with one of the girls in the bar, who has a thousand pair of eyes on her..
And..
Her friend comes...
... Surpriiiise...
"Let's go home"- ...surprise...
Anyway, the friend got ridden of..
We are still chatting, I am having a good time...
Ah, she needs to make a call if she stays.. Needs a driver to drive her home..
Possibly some guy sleeping in his bed, who would do anything for her,
Or she would od anything for him..
Both cases, a mood brake...
What, I am going to entertain her for another guys fun?
Come on...
Where is the dignity in that?
Anyway,
Convo is good, so I stick...
But still,
Why am I talking to a girl,
Who is sexy,
Who likes my company..
But needs a diver home?
No.. no...

....


Today...
Brunette...
Looking over to me...
Very good body...
I do not feel shit...

Blonde, looking smiling...
I do not feel shit...

Other passer byes... Eyes open...
Me, not even take notice...

At one point,
I decide to approach a girl, who made her group move half the dancefloor, and now is dancing almost on my lap...

Well, surprise,....
Her friend keeps pulling her away...
While the girl is still looking at me...
Well girl, I am sorry... I am bored with girl who has friends like that.. Will not invest my time, to get a future bitchblock...

Here on my own...
I dance to the music...

Broke the evenings no hi mode...
what happened?
Got bitchblocked...

Enjoying myself still...
Possibly the only guy who is smiling from the bodily extacy he is in from the dancing...
But the other time I broke the mode, later I did it once more...
I got shot down...
My friend got sent to me to deliver the girl's "Sorry"...
Ah now I see, she is after that guy there..

Fine..
As she is leaving,
"You are so tense..." ME?
SHIT...

I talk to women, I am a player...
I feel like not talking... Or dancing, grinding etc.. I am tense...
FUCK ME.....

"Sorry because you are something special..."
WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS MEAN????

And now I am supposed to go up to women and have fun with them???
I will stick to myself...

Time has changed...
Time has changed us...

I wanted to say:
I need a woman, with the courage to stand up in front of me...
A woman, who is a woman...

But then...
I thought..
I know such women...
And what do I do..?....
Nothing good...
This is what I chose...
Gotta stand up to it....

Still...
Being an eagle soaring high, has a price...

And you know what is the worst...
I am not angry right now...
I am not sad..
I am not disappointed...
I am not feeling this, not feeling that...

I just want to write this...

I just realized on the way back home,
I feel nothing...
No feelings for new women...
Not good, not bad...
Nothing at all...
Empty...

I look at them and see the void...
Or just some body taking up space...
Moving around...

5.13 AM

I feel nothing...
It is the emptiness which is scary...
Realization, and time, have had their toll...
Heavy...

The only thing which soothes me is that the girls I met before this shot at my soul,
I still feel like talking to them..
Feel the want to bump into them...
Happened last weekend... Was so beautiful...
Happened this weekend, was so good till I got into the mood I am entertaining a girl who has the possibility of meeting some other guy in the coming half hour.. I will do that only for my friends...
Happened today when I met the colleague of a good friend...

And how many is that?
Not even a handful...
A chosen handful...
A chosen handful quality girls...
So few... So strong...

....

Still, it feels bad to look at a beautiful girl, ready to mate, and feel nothing...
The darkness of her womb holds nothing in it for me...
And I hope this changes..

....

Having a good night, but relying on yourself for entertainment...
Is good...
But the empty darkness outside of my souls keeper, my body..
The empty darkness surrounding me, named as "woman", that is not good...
....

The emptiness with issues,
Emptiness, I tell you:

You want something, get it...
You want something, don't get your ego boost by seeing you can say no..
You want something, fucking work for it....
You want something, act...
You want something, do not freak out...

....

In the bar,
Considering women,
I was just " I am here on my own" - And proved to be the right thing...
Too many freaks of nature out there, lurking in the darkness, on the dancefloor...
Not knowing what they are, nor what they want...
Living a life of coincidence, randomness... First come first served...
No.

....

I choose.
And it stays like this.
If my choice has chosen me,
Means, it was a good choice.

Emptiness...
I do not choose what provides me with emptiness... And that is in abundance...

..........................................

Went to bed,
And was reading a book.. Spartacus..
Its 6.03 AM...
And I realized,
I feel good..
I really feel good...

I feel free...
Free from my own bounds...

Yea... Weightless...
Like as if I am floating in a white vast space.. In some white emptiness..
Its like my chains are broken...
I don't know...
Feels strange...

Want to cry..
Want to laugh...

A smile, or a teardrop...
Relaxation of my soul....

Laid to rest...
Free...
My body...
Free...
Me..
Free...
Unbound..
Uncaring..
Strange...
Feels good.

XXXXXXX up there, but good...
I want to put it into words, better, but I just cannot...

....

Sunday morning...
Somehow it feels like a spice from my life soup has been removed,
A spice which caused bitterness in the soup...
Now it tastes sweet & sour, and quite spicy.. hot...
I realize I have gotten to like this taste...
As women can be said to be the salt in the soup,
The soup is still salty, only the bitter touch is gone..
And for the ones out there thinking whatever you may think,

I cook using a wide variety of spices...

Saturday Night again... These women are freaks of nature.... '

So, first are two and a half stories of the saturday nite of 4.30 am story...

Then, I will introduce a story of a finish guy.. I do not know him.. a colleague of a friend.. And the interaction of similar women with him... Here, the personalities really do not matter, it is just the story...

---------

This red girl checking me out...
Feel no attraction for her..
But her friend...
Definitely a prospect...
Red girl comes..
“Merhaba” she says... that is Hi, in Turkish...
We chat...
Asks my name...
“Finndistan”
“what?”
“Finndistan” I tell her friend
“Why shall I want to know that” she tells me.....!!!
“To tell your friend”
During the convo, the cutie bitches on me couple of times, and my response is same bitchyness..
They leave..
Some time passes, I am chatting with a goodlooking friend of mine, and suddenly my butts are grabbed...
It is these two girls...
After some more time,
I am talking to a friend’s colleague...
I see those...
As I do not appreciate what they did,
“Next time keep your hands to yourself”
“Whay shall I touch you... I would not want that”
“Whatever, keep them to yourself”, and turn back to my friend, who has her arm on my shoulder in the meantime...

At the end of the night,
The italian dancing with the red one comes to me and tell me the red has told him:
“My friend likes your friend very much..”
“Fuck’em bitches...” is all my intelligence boosted mind can come up with...

---------

I go up to her,
She sits under the loudspeakers... I leave.. Too loud..
Join their dance later on...
End of the nite,

“Are you as good in slow dancing as you are in fast...” I enquire, .. as she is a real good dancer...
“I do not have to say”
“I am not asking you to say, I am asking you to show..”
“I cannot”
“Hmm.. Have a good nite then...”
And I leave...

A few minutes later, my finnish friend comes, who was hitting on the other girl...
“Your girl told me to tell you she is sorry..”
“WTF” is what I say...

When the nite ends,
I see the girl coming towards me, and experience tells me she will leave with the guy behind her... Here I could introduce a one page commentary, but first there is no use, second, it will be gossiping...
Still, she comes towards me,
“Hey, what is the reason you told my friend that you were sorry?”
“Why I did not dance with you?”
“No. Why you said you are sorry... I do not get that...” – I was really curious...
“... you are ... special...”
“XXXXXXXXXXX” gotta censor that...
At this point the fin in the coming paragraphs jumps in... Let me skip him and continue...
“Why are you like this?”
“Like what?”
“Härkkä... ... tense?”
“Me, tense... whatever...”
And she leaves... I meet her downstairs again... Again a knowing nod.. And off home I go...

Härkkä means:
herkkä a, 1. altis sensitive , vulnerable (~ to sth), 2. susceptible (~ (to sth)), receptive , responsive ~ luonne susceptible nature,....

So I was sensitive... Have no idea what I did to become that in her eyes.... No fucking idea...
Aaaaah...

The guy...

Am standing there, watching around... Will not make more than two approaches that nite... Not feeling like it...
A fin comes...
“Maaaaaan.. you are sooooooo...”
“Now you are gonna ask about the ladies, right?”
“Yea maaan, where are they?”
“I do not see any.. do you?”
“No..”
“So.”
And turn my back... At tis moment the girl of above text comes...
And the guy jumps in the convo...

One: In another country, this is death sentence.... But here being drunk is such a holy thing, I have no right to kick that guy out of the environment... I relly wish this guy will do the same in Spain, Italy.. Greece, Turkey... Israel or Morocco... Where the civilized world rules...

Two: He is extremely tolerated by that girl... Touching.. Blabbing something.. The girl with her hands in front, but not getting aggressive...

Aggressive.. that is when me and my friends almost always experience.. When drunk or sober.. Most of the time, not even a hi is allowed.. even by the girls dripping in their pants... But these guys are faced by extreme tolerance... WHY THE FUCK SHALL I BEHAVE IF NOBODY ELSE DOES?

Three: GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY FACE....

This is so common.. Finnish guys jumping in.. Trying to stop my fun.. and tolerated by the women... Women who tolerate men who call the Foreigner’s Whore.. But cannot tolerate a “Whazzup” from a guy they make a god out of (this is not me.. the Whazzup guy knows himself...)

------------

These two just happened in one night,
And here is the finnish version of a convo:

Fin talking to my friend...
A girl comes over...
“You have big dick? I like big dick...”
“Yes.”
“I want to fuck you if you have big dick..”
“Yes.”
“Let’s go to my place.”
“Let’s go..” – Her phone rings.. Boyfriend.. Waiting in her parking lot...
“My boyfriend called.. You have big dick?”
“Yes..”
“forget him, let’s go to my place...”

The guy backed out after this incident...

--

No comment

--

Ok...
One comment:
Finnish girls are not easy...

Uuuuuuhhhh... Myyyy aaaaaaaaaasssssssssssss

Monday, June 07, 2004

Empty Complaints...

Had a small infection on my butts... Due to some hair turning around.. Me, hairy ass..
Went to the doc, she stuck a needle, and took out the stuff...
Before that, I could not sit, now I cannot walk...
And while I was lying on the bench, getting poked, was thinking of my cut finger, that, interestingly, the small needle hurt much more than a whole finger getting chopped off...

So, she gave me some antibiotics, and I made me onto the way to the pharmacy..
On every step my butts hurt, so I started limping, to ease the pain...

Halfway,
I saw a student..
Limping..
But never will have the chance to walk straight..
And there I was, limping because some tiny pimple hurt in my butts...
I was ashamed of myself...
Decided to walk straight, even though the pain I had.. – some of you may know that a pimple in the wrong place on the head can cause terrible headaches, for example...

This event triggered a chain memory...
Memory, which makes me thank to god every morning I wake up, healthy, everything intact, with a morning erection....

...........

Was in Sokeri, and was thinking that I had not had sex for a long time, and that I just got shot down...
Had my friends on the right, my view blocked, so I turned right..
I saw a guy in a wheelchair...
And I just that day, had ridden one hour bike, fast and furious, downhill uphill, under sun, on gravel and on asphalt...
Went to the gym, worked out my chest and back... Had broken my bench press maximum if it were not for the biking...
And if I were not so picky on who I hit on, there were at least ten girls who were a possible lay...
And I was complaining to myself, that these days I have to jerk off more than usual....

...............

Things like these...

Or a girl I did not dance with because I was busy chatting with my friends, gets into the hospital the next day... Now she is ok.. But those days were bad..

...............

I have only nine and a half fingers...
So?
..............

A student of mine,
A clever guy...
Got into a fire and lost one eye when he was a kid..

...............

And then I hear myself whining, man I am horny...
I hear my friends saying
I am too short...
I am not good looking...
I cannot talk with that girl..

.................

In German, my sister told me:

Ist egal ob kugelrund,
Hauptsache gesund..

No matter if you are chubby, what counts is if you are healthy...

-----------------

In the end...
A day with a little pain in your body...
A day without a fuck...
A day with no money in your account...
A day with a failed test...
A day alone at home...
A day with whatever problem you might have on that day...
A day which will end in less than twenty four hours,

Will end,
And if you wake up,
Healthy and alive,

There should be no reason to whine,
Though there are plenty, .. to dine....

A friday nights thoughts

Ohhh... This Friday I was with my friends, in a bar,
Some thoughts appeared in my head:

-------------

One god four wives...

When many people hear about the mythical marriage with four wives, which exists, they go,
“Yeah, four wives.. Man, you could hump a different one every nite”
Really?
No need to cheat?
Isn’t one of the main reasons to cheat, to get diversity?
And four wives...
After ten years with each of them, will you not be humping the same woman every fourth nite?
Will it not be the same as having a monogamous marriage, just that your love and attention will be divided by wives rather than giving it to one deserving wife?
I believe, there really is no advantage for a man in the modern world to have four wives, other than four women going bla bla on your head all the time, too many kids, and too many problems...
Except if you are having fivesomes....
Also, four wives multiplies the possibility of getting caught cheating by four times..

-------------

There was this young couple on their marriage night in Sokeri,
Seeing them,
I realized,
One, I do not want to marry a virgin.. (a possible exercise in Turkey for some old headed guys)
Two, I do not see the romance in a wedding...

(One idea which is sooo politically incorrect: Weddings are there to make sure every man gets sex now and then, this way or that way... Unlike in the animal kingdom, where you have the leaders who get all, and the followers who just eat sleep and shit... This is still true in our society, as a study showed that 20% of Swedish men get 80% of the puthy.... Marriage ensures a healthy offspring, and it ensures a sex life for the rest 80%)

Three, I am bloody afraid of a relationship...
More afraid I am when thinking of the possibility to wake up with the same woman everyday for the rest of my life... I get stomach pains... I feel claustrophobic, and I want to run away...

Either I have to fall in love... desperately...
Or I have to go see a shrink....

------------

Remembered that one day I was at dinner in some friends’ place,
We were many people there, good food, etc,
And one Turk, goes to the PC, and loads the site,
www.rotten.com
GROUSE.... DISGUSTING...

I know what is expecting me, but human curiosity, I also have a peek at the pictures there...
The captured snake with a dead man in belly...
The guy who fell from the bike, and landed on his now nonexistent face..
Etc etc...
Even now my stomach is upside down...

Later that night I return home, not very sober...
Open my elevator door to my floor, and...
On the wall there is a half meter wide splatter of blood...

holy shit I thought,
Took me a minute to realize that some asshole had used ketchup to paint the walls,
but only me and god would know the shock I had...

--------------------

That nite some other things happened, that could be another story...

Are beautiful girls lacking the confidence?

Read an article in the web tonite,
And got thoughts about it...

It was about good-looking guys complaining about their looks :)
I somehow found myself in there :)

Then I thought about some ladies I met, who would range very high in the beauty scale, and their behavior...
I mentioned many times that I saw – sometimes it was me – a good-looking guy not approaching a babe...
But more than that I have seen a good-looking girl, freaking out this way or that on the approach of a handsome...

Then I thought about the stories,

It seems that most of the babes do have a low confidence problem.. – The problem with men is not low confidence, it is putting the girl on a pedestal... Maybe the same thing...

Men, call most of these girls bitches...
The girls bitch on two occasions,

One is the usual thing:
Some guy she thinks ranger lower than her approaches..
She bitches to filter him out...
And that would maybe make up all approaches except the exceptions...

The other is what happens to handsomest..:
“Why?”

- She is not used to a handsome chatting with her
- Intimidated by his comfortable stand
- Intimidated by his self confidence
- Afraid of his “I do not give a shit” attitude
As these are usually what she feels with boys of lesser lives talking to her, and she knows the power she has had in those situations, now she sees the guy in front of her having that...

Another why,
- Why is he talking to me?
- Even though she knows she is beautiful, she is insecure against a guy, good looking, witty, intelligent, and who knows that if he would lower his standards, he would get laid in a minute... For the girls, getting laid is not problem, as it is a problem for men even with lowered standards...
- This guy, who can fuck any girl in the bar – This way of thinking is actually a good show of how easy women are against guys who know the game..., and this way of thinking is also the reason why the guys who know the game get more fierce shot downs than the usuals – is talking to her.. He will fuck her and dump her.. Self esteem problem again. Not believing in herself to be able to hold that one...

The point I am trying to make is,
The babe has been put on a pedestal..
Not by her, but by others...
When talking to these others,
She is the queen, and she knows it...

Then, when a guy comes...
Not caring, confident, etc..
She knows she is not there anymore...
This can shatter her ego.. her self worth...
She is used to be chased... Not to be in the darkness of the unknown..
I could not finish this text when I started it, and now, cannot find the end of the rope..

When I read about the text, I decided to put some notes to the end, because I am not able to continue it..

- The hatred of some women over good looking men is a good indication that: A beautiful girl has been given power by men... And possibly she abuses it. Expects the good looking hunk to abuse that power also.
- Even the ones men call babes have self esteem problems when dealing with someone not blinded by her. True for men also. Though men have been thought that looks do not matter for women.. One of the biggest lies... – Looks do not matter for women if the guy has no idea about it... God Beware from the guy who knows it and who plays it..., also god help this guy too... the object of desire is more likely to be the object of hatred...
- The hatred of some women over good looking men is a good indication that: How easy actually women fall for these guys but stop themselves... Not wanting to be a slut, not wanting to be a one night fuck, not wanting to loose control, wanting to play being difficult, etc....
- etc. etc.

Note to myself:

Next time you start a text, finish it...

This is long... and was a story very hard to write

As I know, the people reading this, at least one, will find himself here,
And even though I talked to him about writing this, and will talk with him about that night when I see him again,
I know this may cause some cold waters to flow in between...
But, other than that, TODAY I HAD MY 3000th VISITOR!!!

So, back to the evening...
Joined my friends in the bar.
Very young people, and a shitload of Italians, and Middle Easterners...
Have my back resting on the wall, my buddies in front of me,
Enjoying the good rack talking to some guy in front of them...
Then, the good rack comes and talks to one of the buddies...

I, as a principle, do not jump in when a friend of mine is talking to a girl...
Do not even pay attention...

Flashback:

Two years ago, in a bar, where they had the Nokia international meeting on the same day, I met this girl, not Nokia engineer, half Austrian half Italian, had a quite good chat with her, until the engineers I and my friends knew started attacking with questions, tapping my back, making thumbs up, and even pulling my arm in an introduce me fashion...

Later I learned they also did it to the Turk who was chatting with her friend...
So, a friend talking to a girl...
I will not approach if not asked for.
That I try to hold all the time, and I think I succeed in that.
I know how frustrating it is to get a guy who has no chance to disturb the conversation..

End of flashback...


So, I am standing there, my eyes off that rack, scanning for other nice young décolletéés...
The girl sees me
Calls her friend, and pushes me to her...
Turns out to be a nice chat, a five minutes I chat with her,
Her friend leaves my buddy,
Suddenly I have two girls around me,
Sadly my buddies are ignored at that moment, but listening...
So, in another five minutes, I am invited to have a threesome,
With girls, I would be delighted even to hump one on one..
And you people know my search of the threesome, two m one f, or otherway..

Just out of the blue, my one dream will come true, and not by one good-looking, one ok girl, but two good-looking chicks...
As I am humming a “hmmm”...
Let me write the convo:
“Would you take us two tonite?” the tall one asks
“You two, and me” I answer.. heart running faster that a scooter beat
“Yes” she says
“Hmmmm” I say, not wanting to give a “hola hola, lets go”
And my buddy jumps in from behind, something possibly every man would do, - I would not if not invited, though that is another story..

“May I join” – He may, I do not mind..
“No” Says the tall one..

At this moment I am in deep conversation with the shorter one, the second girl, about shyness... And a moment away from an exceptional nite...
Here comes the bomb:
My buddy asks the tall one,
“Why?”
Why? .... Why?!!??!!??!!!
That is one question you do not ask!!!

Whatever the reason is, it will not be something you will like, nor will it be something you will be able to change, nor will it be logical!!!!
And men, when asked why, give a reason which takes the girl out of the focus, like,

“Why you not dancing?”
“Have a girlfriend”, “Am gay”, “Just came back from holiday, want to spend time with friends”, “It just is” etc...
A girl as that night,
Will say,
“You are.....”
And that “....” will be possibly something the guy will have a problem with, and that will just enhance the problem...

You DO NOT ASK WHY!!!

especially to a short “No”
And it indeed enhanced the problem...
It does for me too, but I get the answer always without asking...

“No, you have too many girls anyway...” Check out Jealousy
“No, you are too good looking”
“No, I am afraid of you”
“No, you are aggressive”...
Etc..

Anyway,

So after the “Why” ‘s answer,
Instead of leaving, giving me open road to my two on one,
He went into a conversation trying to convince her that it is actually good, the reason she gives...
Which I actually enjoyed... Was fun....
But you cannot change the girls mind by talking, except if you are a persistent fin... A different story...
With foreigners, sex is in a different category I learned...

So, even after not being able to convince the tall one,
Instead of leaving, giving me open road to my two on one,
He started grinding the short one, who responded...
Maybe there was a chance...

Until I made THE mistake,
I also grinded the short one...
Tall one got jealous, pissed and angry..
And left...

Me and buddy continue grinding.. – Have to admit he is one of the best grinders I have seen in action.. Greetings to you grinder!!!
The tall one is missing...
Anyway, I am having fun...
So the short one leaves to find her friend,
When they come back,
My buddy still continues,

“Why you not fucking me?” etc... Stop it man...
It will not help you, nor can you do anything...

In the meantime, while I was talking to the short girl, I saw a friend, and started talking to him, just like Finnish guys do, turning my back to the girl I am flirting with, upon seeing a buddy, ....learned it does not work...
So foreign men cannot act the way fins do.. We are doomed to be stupid (just read on, you will understand what I mean..)

Some anecdotes from that night:

....

“Finnish men are more clever than foreigners” – Said to my friend, and that was a heavy discussion...

My readers would know that I think the fins play the correct game for the women, and my readers also would know I think that the definition of being a man, because of the lack of other ways of showing it, is limited to misbehaving women, especially in the nightlife... That is like almost the only way to be a “man”... and of course, if I do something like it, I become the captain asshole... that’s a different issue...

If requested, I could write a whole story, what would make up a man in Turkey, what would literally get you killed, and what would put you into a looser category...

....

Ah...
I also got to hear,
That they have a dildo, and do not need me, before hearing:
“We need love, not – looking down at my dick – sex”
From a girl who invited me to a threesome, and has a Spanish boyfriend somewhere,
And who had a failed attempt at my butts as she was saying goodnite...

....

I got to hear,

“You are a looser – from the girl I refused to dance with, the girl who grabbed my butts, and who was rubbing my nipples till I took her hand away and held it firm, away from my nipples... And who got her ass grabbed by me with a “nice” comment – Why you have no woman?”
To my answer, I got the reply, “Wow, I appreciate you in that case”
....

Why do you want us?
Go find some beautiful girl – points to the dancefloor

....

The girl who told me I look like Banderas, without a reaction from me, accused me of lying that I am Banderas.....

....

And one more thing I have to add...
In the beginning of the article, I have written many times, not to ask “why”..
Well I did it too...
Thought I had a justification,
But the justification is actually just an excuse to pussify myself...
I analyzed when she said
“I can’t”
To my phone request...
She did not say “No I will not”, she said “I can’t”..
So I thought asking “Why” was justified..
It was not...

Its just a desperate move – mind you, the move – for further contact... Nothing else.. No profit gained...
Another example that the “Why” is useless...
What is very useful is “How”...

-------

So in the end, another threesome option got sucked in the drain,
By my buddy not realizing its time to back off...
By me not realizing what I should have done...
By me not acting on my instincts...

Later that nite, my buddy excused himself, and said he should have backed off,
I was not pissed at him, and will not be so easily...
A friend knowing what he may have done wrong, in this case something possibly every man would have done, does not deserve to be angry at... specially not over someone I do not know...

More than that, I was pissed at me..
At me not knowing what to do..
Not being able to turn the tables around, in a game which started totally on favor of me...

And back I am,
On the search of a threesome...

And on the way, there will be some flowers stepped on, and some flowers smelled, in the garden of love...

What is wrong in having a functioning dick?

Ahh ahh.. Women...
After dealing with them for 12 years now.. Since 1992..., I have learned one thing of uttermost importance:

Women have no clue of what they want.
This is a basic fact.

For example...
Three years ago, in the night club Ilves,
The night I met a girl who is a good friend now,
She had also a friend with her, who also is a friend of mine nowadays...

Some chat, some laughter,
And her friend went away for some time,
Met a boy,
He asked her for a dance,
She agreed,
Came back laughing her ass off...

I asked her what happened,
She told me he was cute and so, but the looser had a boner when they were dancing slow...
Slow...
Close enough to feel her breath on his neck... Her breasts on his chest.. Her hips in his hands...

And the looser got a boner...
Poor man...
He gets his dick up that easily...

Without the need for a blowjob or a half hour handjob..
The poor looser,
His dick is working...

------

Interesting... ‘Cause whenever I dance slow, which is very rare, I always have a boner...
Once it backfired, the girl told me I am easy... My ideas on that is here.

------

And one more thing..
Remember American Pie, the Flute girl telling the sucker why he..
Because he was a sure shot..
Really, the looser in Ilves, even if not giving the girl good sex, at least he would have a hard dick to offer...
Sure shot...

------

And then women...
Apart from what has happened to me or my friends, from a website about confessions, what I learned is that,
A guy must be always ready when the woman wants to pop...
If he is horny more than that, he is a sex crazed pervert...
If he is less horny than that, he is a sucker...
But, if the man fails once on a critical time, uuuuuuuhhhhh god beware!!!

the man has no right to say,
“Its my period..”
“I am tired”
“I am drunk”
“My head hurts..”

And not even the right to say,
Your warm body so close to mine that I can feel your every curve is so damn sexy, I want to rip off your clothes right here on the dancefloor and fuck your brains out...”

Because,
A man who is enough a man to get a boner by a slowdance, is a looser for some...

-----

Well,
Me, the pervert,
Will not back off from boning on the dancefloor

Yes, I am jealous.. And yes, it is unfair

Just came home, cycling, training, weight training... All together some two and a half hours..
Waiting for the chicken to cook in the oven..
Remembered some conversation I had with a very good friend,
She will be very pissed at me writing this,

“I like a man”
“See see”
“Yea, but he is of the kind taking a woman home every weekend”
“..”
“And he is very sexy”

.......

And mind that I see her only as a friend, but the conversation holds for so many others I met, who I do not consider as a friend...
.......

I am jealous,
Now, what I do with women is nobodies business...
But whenever I meet a girl or boys, that is the first thing which they are curious about, not the first question...
And with women, their idea of me having many of their kind is such a setback, most of the times I cannot break the blocks...

But when a fin does that, it is ok... More important it is sexy...
I do not know..
What is the difference?
A girl who goes wet by hearing my voice, becomes a desert when thinking of me and other women...
A girl who is a desert, becomes a sea when thinking of a local man’s women...

And yes...
I am jealous for this unfairness...
Breaks my heart...
More importantly, breaks my faith in the game..
Makes me realize I am more dangerous than I thought I was...
And that is unfair..

.......

After writing this in the whining puppy style,
Listened to Nirvana, Come as you are..
Ate my chicken..
And went back to me old life :)