Sunday, February 12, 2012

I meet my first crazy ass psycho girl

"What about I visit you next weekend" she had said.

One of the sweetest girls that I mad met; and a lot of fun. It had been some time we had last seen, so I thought, "Why not"

"Welcome" I replied and left it at that, figuring the plans can be done later.

Saturday comes, she is in town, wants to see her friends, and I want to have a relaxed saturday for once. After the married chick, the volleyball hell, and few nights that would lead me to quitting my favorite venue of years, I looked forward to some cozy eve without going into town.

So I tell her to see her friends, that I got stuff to do, and that she call me when she is finished, we got all sunday for us anyway.

I am home, watching some good action flick, have no interest in meeting the girl out in town, something I know she will ask, so make myself a good cup of brewed coffee.

The phone rings.

"Hello, we are finished"
"Allright, where are you know"
"Downtown. You want to come here?"
"Just made a coffee. And it is cold. You come here"
"I don't know" ... I saw a red flag. Ignored.
"You come, we see"

While drinking the coffee, I get a burst of inspiration and decide to wait for the girl downstairs, outside.

I go down, jeans, tshirt, and coffee; it is -11.

I stay outside, sipping my coffee and enjoying the torture. Then I see her coming. Good. I was about to turn into ice anyway.

She arrives, I move to give her a quick welcome hug, she recoils. WTF? Anyway, I am freezing and am not going to wait for some fickle girl's mind to tun me into a tall ice statue,

I open the door, and mention her in, she comes, but she is walking too far away for a girl who sent "What about I visit you next weekend", out of the blue. I don't care as there is the huge heater by the elevator and I need to put my back to it to regain life.

She goes to the other side of the corridor, I know something is wrong, but I do not know what it is, and I can fix that. Or, so I think.

I tell her to come upstairs, she comes. Again, far away from me in the elevator.

We get to the apartment, I get me a whiskey. She sits on the corner of the couch, I take the other side.

"Tell me. What is it." I say
"The magic is gone"
"Ok, that happens"
"And I am angry at myself"
"That happens too."

But it is not in the words. It is in the eyes. The eyes are not the girl's that I knew. They are someone else's. Now I start feeling the dread.

We talk a bit more, more, meaning two three sentences, when she mentally retires to some other place.

Now I am curious, am sipping my whiskey and occasionally watching the girl's eyes.  It was very interesting. Like another person was there instead of the sweet girl.

She shouts out that I am irritating.

Whatever I think, turn back to my whiskey and read some economics blog from the net.

I need to pee.

She is sitting by the living room door so I have to pass by her.

"Don't fucking come close to me" she shouts
"Fucking going to toilet" I reply.

This goes on for fifteen more minutes, mostly silent treatment from her side, and I don't care, except that I know I got a potential problem in my hand.

So, while I was thinking what to do, when she breaks the silence with

"When is my next train", I am relieved.

I check.


"Ok I will read a book" she says, goes to the bedroom.

I start watching another movie. Can't concentrate though. Time passes, so I go to my bedroom, she is indeed reading.

"It is 10.30, in ten minutes you will have to run."
"I like running"

Ten minutes pass, I forget to check the time, twenty minutes pass, and just when I realized "shit, she missed the train", she comes to the couch

"I am seeing my friends tomorrow"
"I am staying here"
"No you are not"
"Yes I am and you have no say in this"
"I prefer you not stay"
"I dont care, you can't kick me out"
"Look, if I trusted the police, I'd kick you out"
"Will they listen to you or me"

And that was the end of it. Even if I had my back covered in case the police did arrive, since the sweet girl had turned into an unpredictable psycho ass bitch, things could get out of my hand.

Thing is, if I do not kick her out, 99% probability is I got a problem, but a small problem.
If I kick her out, hairy dark foreigner that I am, the problem probability would lower to 1%, but the problem would be so big that 99% probability of the discomfort of a small problem was worth tackling, instead of the 1% probability of getting my life fucked. Not kicking her out, in worst case she would break something in the house, and I got insurance for that. Examples for the 1% risk would be that the arriving police squad will have a police officer that had to deal with other imported hairy dark foreigners, and would approach me with that bias. Not worth the risk.

The crazy ass psycho bitch offered to sleep on the couch tho, got to give her that.

My whiskey was finished.

I squeeze some lemon, and put tequila into the glass.

A friend texts me "Out tonight". I look at the text, I look at the girl, I look at the tequila, I look back at those strangely darting eyes of the psycho bitch, and downed the tequila.

Got up,

"Are you going out" she asks,

Get dressed, pour me another tequila, pour some tequila into my flask, squeeze another lemon, shoot that first tequila and leave the house.

Go to the bar, see my friends, down two tequilas. Get some wine. Flirt with a gorgeous blondie, nothing comes out of that, meet one of the most stylish guys in town (respect where it is due), meet the girl who had elbowed me a year before in the belly with hatred in her eyes, now we are on friendly terms, meet two more girls, and move to another venue; me, friends, stylish guy, elbower, and the two girls.

On the way, I finish my flask, two tequilas.

We enter the bar, I meet some more people, amd having a blast that night, which had to end eventually.

After some incident I skip here, I made it home. Drunk. Bombed. Smashed.

My noise wakes up the crazy ass psycho bitch. She gets up, now she's got the sweet eyes again. Good I think to myself, she's switched personalities.

So I go to sleep.

I wake up, no hangover, but totally devastated, so make some breakfast.

The sweet girl wakes up, it is all back to the crazy ass psycho bitch... I curse my luck.

After I eat breakfast and watch a sunday movie, she takes her book and goes to my room, where she falls asleep.

When she wakes up, she is back with the sweet girl persona.

I ask her when she is going to meet her friends, and that is soon. So I am happy. Happy like christmas.

Time comes, she gets dressed,

"Will we see again" she asks. I, not wanting to risk to shithc the sweet girl back into a crazy ass psycho bitch,
"Let's see"
"Ok, have a good life" she says when she is out the door.

The door closes.

It is me, my house, my plants, and my dust mites.

No crazy ass psycho bitch in the sweet girl's clothing.

All of this was just a summary of my last 18 hours until then, so you would understand that I am feeling relieved, I am feeling happy, I am feeling joyous, and I am thinking to myself, that I was lucky. That there are men who marry these lunatics; and I just got rid of one without enduring significant pain.

Damn, there are men who make children with these lunatics. Live in the same house, day in day out.

I rarely feel so much pity for another person.

Then my phone alerts me to a message.

"I did not mean what I said. You know I like you, I know you like me"

No. No. No. Go away. Go away.

I shivered.

Thanks to that message, my sunday ended with me shivering in bed.

Never, never again.


  1. That is really weird. Talk about multiple personalities.

  2. Let's say I have never before seen two different people in the same eyes. One was the sweet girl that I knew, one was a totally different person with a totally different way the eyes looked around.

  3. Wow, avoid her. She is too fickle (unstable). You deserve better than that level of drama.