Thursday, March 27, 2003


Let’s go back for two months:

Am not single, have been dating for some months now..

But still having my occasional visits to the Tampere nightlife..

It was Nitelife... This woman passes by , eye contact, a hi, start talking.. She’s a designer.. Older than I..

We take a cab.. Go to Pispala, that’s where she lives.. We have sex..

In the morning, walking through Pizpala, it was a fresh, sunny day, I send a message to Topo:

“Walking here in Pizpala, the sun shining, the birds singing.. Even though I had sex last night, my body may be rested, but not me.. This is a strange feeling”, or something like it (its been almost two years since the incident)

Now we are at the present time

Me and Topo are at O’s (a lady) house, I am “reading Victoria’s Secrets”, Topo checking O's laptop, O checking Topo's phone, and I checking underwear...

Suddenly I hear O,


The message...

I just looked at Topo, to O, back to Topo, who has started smiling..

No escape... the villain has been catched.

People get caught by their partners, I get caught by O....

That is the incident where Topo learns to clean his phone..

I learned nothing, as usual..

Hanging cuffs

This is the lady, the hero in the story “Personality”..

Met her in Doris.. Long curly hair, interesting woman, a non-blonde.. (Women seem to be ready to believe every woman I talk to is blond.. You blondes...)

At the end of the nite, I get her phone number..

Call her the next day, and we go get a coffee..

I drink two coffees, she, I have lost count of her booze...

So, I drop her to her place and go home..

Another coffee night, and I ask her to join me.

She comes...

Comes, but what a problem girl.. It’s –20 outside, and she wants me to join her smoke downstairs.. Three times.. My poor ass froze that night..

Then, as if it not enough, she insists on going home, at 1 in the night, and I have to walk her to the bus stop.. OK, I do it..

The bus does not come..

So I say, “You have to stay with me.., I am not going out again for the bus at 2”

We go back, and I ask her if she wants something,

“yes, a tshirt and a boxer”

I give them to her, and lie into my bed, she comes beside me.. By now I am pissed.. It is late.. Tired.. Nothing has happened.. I try to touch her, no reaction.. So I say OK to myself, and lie to sleep..

Oh no, I am not even allowed to do that, now the lady wants to have my arm under her head, so it will fall dead in the middle of the night with horrible pain...

A week later she calls me to her place.. We drink.. I drink too much, can’t drive back.. So stay at her place, in her bed.. But what is she wearing? An ankle long thick nightgown.. Impossible to penetrate.. I manage somehow, she gets her fun, I get to sleep without a dead hand, but also deadly alive li’l member.

In Doris, surprise, I meet her..

Quite sober when I see her.. But drinking incredibly fast.. I see the end coming.. Tell her to stop.. Noooo.. Will drink... Not drunk yet... Actually she does not get drunk.. But gets red eyes, and would explode if you light a match.. This continues, I get my pissing state.., remembering the past meetings.. where I had to freeze.. sleep with a tent all night.. my booze collection getting small..

A whole night incident.

We decide to go to her home, to spend the night.. In the taxi cue, she starts acting strangely.. I get my anger flushing at why she did have to drink this much.. why, hell?
And then we go to her home, together with a friend of hers and her one night stand. They take the couch. We take the bed.. I am angry, frustrated.. and I play the game..

I succeed..

For the first I slept with someone because I was angry at her...

And since I left that house forever that morning, I never got to taste the use of the handcuffs hanging from the ceiling...


So, now it is near the end of the night subject to the story “Reasons for dinner”.

I have danced with my flirt, and we will leave the bar, Doris. She will not come with me nor will she invite me to her home, but I got the promise of walking her to her home, while having a coffee on the way.. That’s a start.

She tells me she’s going to tell goodbye to her friends, and then meet me at the stairs. Says me, ok.

I go to the stairs, oh who I see there, the heavy metal girl I have slept with, two weeks ago. Shit...

She turns to me, looks into my eyes, and flop, puts her hand into my pants.. I take the hand away.. She puts it in again, this time managing to get into my underpants.. I take the hand away, shake my head.. Takes her hand, grabs my crotch, and says,

“Let’s have fun”

I see the blonde hair approaching fastly.. Oh oh

“Can’t”, take her hand away

“Why?” (no comment)

“Gonna have tea with a lady, that’s why..” (For once I say the truth)

Now my flirt is behind me waiting, and the heavy metal girl starts,

“I thought you were different than the others when we met.. .. .. .. you same .. .. .. .no personality (I just wait and wait) . . .. .. .. .. .. you just wanted to f**k (so?).. .. .. .... shallow.. .... ... “

“Going, bye.”


So I left, thinking about the possibilities of what kind of thoughts my flirt must have in mind...

Sauna Fever

My first week here..

Go to the Hervanta Bar Sirkus with some friends.. We meet two nice looking girls there..

Oh, the are also Teekkaris (Tech. students)..

Chat, laugh, dance, flirt... We decide that we should go to Teekkari Sauna, and continue the night..

Good idea..

We go, get into the dressing room, the guys get rid of their clothes, one of the girls gets naked, but the one I was flirting with does not.. I say,

“Come to the sauna, everybody is there”

“No I will not, you only want to have sex with me..” Hö? Isn’t that why people date? (Kidding)

“Now come on, how did you get that idea?” (The problem must be me, I know someone you don’t know, yogiii yogiiii)

“No, I will not come. I do not trust you” Hö?


I go to the sauna, and when I leave for the balcony, I see the girl chatting with a Fin guy.. Before I even had time to feel cold, both left, into the silent night, to get it wet..

I wonder what is the difference in the things that I and the guy wanted.. No, sure, he does not want sex.. He just wants her company, and make her feels protected in his arms, but sex, noooooooo.. Not even in a little part in his body.. Ja ja, no, my ass...

The shipmate

Cafe Europa, me, Ö.G., Topo enter, there is no place, but three places free beside a couple..
We ask them, we sit down..

Hmm. The girl looks nice...

I go to get tea, when I come back, I see that the four are in a conversation.. the guy works on ships, and he recognized Turkish from a one-year visit in Antalya.. The girl also works on a ship, to Rostock, and is on leave..

Time passes, we decide to go to Nightlife.. The girl, and my friends.

In Nightlife, I continue to chat with the girl, we dance couple of slows, laugh, touch, da da di di...
Some time after we met, almost 6 hours of chatting she tells me, she is afraid of me because my one half is Turkish and Muslum, and even knowing my one half in German and Christian does not ease this..

“C’mon, be rational, you have talked to me so long now, you should have a little clue about me.. Now putting me into those categories is an insult against me”

“But you are half Muslum”

“So?” (Even though I have my own beliefs, in these situations, I move on being a Muslum, that is more fun)

“But you are half Muslum”


OK, just as you wish.. I leave..

Later I learn that Ö.G. had met this girl, and they talked, and he had the same problem, until he told her, “You are stupid, I will not talk to you”, and turned around..

The macho Ö.G. doing a feminine act.. Wish I were there..

The end..

Wednesday, March 26, 2003

The French Kiss

It was the fall of 2000, I was new in Finland. That night, hanging out with some French friends, we went to Vanha Diiva. After dancing for some time, Kevin and I left the dancefloor to sit on the railing above the entrance stairs, beside the dancefloor, started chatting. Suddenly, a girl appeared in front of me, and asked me

“Could I talk with you”

Startled, (what do you say there?? Yes of course, no thanx, yep, keep shooting, I am listening, you want to listen to ME???),

“Of course, why not”

Learning that I speak German fluently, she was so happy, and kept telling things, bla this,

“I was in Germany last summer, it was sooo nice...Oh Finnish summer is soo nice, and I love the winter..The darkness is sooo sad..”

bla that, and I listened, listened, listened...

Suddenly she got aware enough to see I also have a friend beside me, so she turns,

“What is your name?”


“Where are you from?”


There I saw sunshine in the girls eyes, one second passed, the girl turns to the dancefloor, her hand waving, and above all the loud music I heard her shout

“Anna, Minna, Sanna, come come, he is French!!”

That was not the first incident of this kind but definitely is the one that puts a mark.

What shall I think?

To be sad to spend that much time with a girl I was not interested in?That the French guy being French was just more valuable than me even though I was the one approached?What is there to think?

Just a smile :)

A smile, without the eyes smiling maybe..

Or, a smile coming from deep, ‘cause you know, you just know...

The one family

It all started on the day I drank homemade Absinthe..

Exiting Vainola, we entered the bus, I also had my ghost enter the bus too..

We were 6 or 7, all homemade absinthe drinkers, and loud..

In the back were some Finnish guys, silent, and looking at us in a strange way, eyes telling us to shut up..

“Hey guys, do not sit like there is a funeral, let’s sing”, but they did not join...

So, standing, I turn towards the guy sitting beside me, who is drinking something..

Ask what he’s drinking and from there, we get into conversation.

The names are not true but to make it easier..

Kalle tells me to try the girl sitting in front of him, Maria, that she’s an “Easy f**k”..I knew the face from school, but did not approach.

So, we go to Pulse. And some time later I need to pay my dues to mother earth.. Go down to the toilets..

Aha, there is Maria, I say hi, who are you waiting for.. Says she, Kalle..

Oh my, oh my, Kalle is Maria’s li’l bro.. S**t..

Two weeks later, me and the French go to Nite Train,

At some point, Kevin comes and tells me that he met this nice girl, Niina, and he wants her, but, she’s taken, engaged. The confusing thing is that her bigger sister wants him to sleep with her...
Later that night, I learn that, the girl trying to get Niina laid with my friend, her sister, is Maria, the same girl whose brother, Kalle, tried to get me to lay Maria..

Now that is a family....

It ain’t Fairplay

In my writings you will read many incidents where the foreigner, in this case, me, is being accused of not playing the game right..

So it happens once more,

Standing in Doris, talking to a lady who should not have been there that night, Sini* comes to me, and tells me she has heard rumors about me. before going into the rumors, let me tell you about the messenger, Katja*.. A young girl who is the friend of Kaisa*, the girl with the most beautiful hair, and such a nice face... A little overweight, no prob for me, that hair, that face.. (Also the hero in at least two other stories).. With that girl I dated for a month or so, did not sleep with her, said she had her reasons, slept in my place, without me attacking her... And Katja can pass rumours about me, that’s shameful...

Anyway, to the rumors:

“They say you fuck around”

“I am no monk”

“They say you fuck around”

Hands in front, praying, “I said I am no monk.., and I have no girlfriend, so am betraying nobody”

“I m just telling you what I heard” (I know I know)

“I heard worse” (Much worse)

“You know, I do not like men who sleep with many women” (ME, many women??? You MUST be joking)


“Yes I think that is not nice, I do not respect it” (Hmmmm, nothing is one sided, is it?)

So the conversation continues... With the girl saying these on one side, another listening on the other side... Whaaa I got pissed...

Let’s look at the woman accusing me:

Came to my place (picked her up from one of her friends’ place) because there was a group sex incident at her own place where at least one of the involved people was a one night stand. Situation can be that two had sex, the others were just present, or the others also joined, I do not know the situation.

Asked to come to my friends place (so much regret to have said no, ‘cause of my respect to my friend (another author here)) Because Jukka* (living together with Heidi*, and both are good friends of this Sini) had found a girl, and had no place to go to at that night, so he took Sini’s place... Ola ola...

When I have met her group in a bar, many times a guy from her close friends’ group has left the place with a lady to unknown adventures...

And this woman accuses me, UNFAIR UNFAIR UNFAIR..

*names made up

Reasons for dinner

After meeting her in a place with a bed a couple of times,

One night I met her in a bar.

She had way too much to drink..

Asked me if I would join her to her place..

Said “No thanx”..

Wanted me to explain why.. Told her I had my reasons.

I left the dancefloor..

Saw this blonde lady, I have been having eye contact with for the last 3 weeks.
Went to her, we started chatting.

We sat down... And suddenly this other lady appeared on the other side of my flirt.

She sat there a quarter of an hour, until she told my flirt she wants to speak with me..

What is there to do?

So, the talk starts,

Tells me many things, some true some not, most unnecessary complexities...

But the best part:

“Why did you come to dinner when I invited you?”

Why indeed, that is a very hard question.. “Look at my options, one, go out with some guys, have guy talk.. two, stay home (and mast**bate), three, go to a beautiful girl home, have dinner watch a movie and possibly have a nice night (it was quite nice indeed). What shall I choose in your opinion”

So ends the story.. She got up, and I went back to my flirt, to dance a slow song...

Indeed, did I do wrong by going to dinner.. Should I really have stayed home, and fooled around with my “brains” : )


Absolute Alcoholic (or what is the meaning of AA)

If this is Absolut votka, I prefer Finlandia..

No, this is happening almost every time I go out..

“Are you AA”

“Why do you not drink?”

The best one, (will use this in another article)

“that water glass in your hand looks scary!”

(Oh, this woman telling me those words, I will call you soon, no matter you are married or not.. S**t, so attractive, and so straight. R-e-s-p-e-c-t, and not to forget, you t-u-r-n-m-e-o-n)

Well yes, I do not drink as much as people around me drink... At least not when I am out, and driving back home...

Mentioning home,

Absinthe, versinthe, grappa, raki, russian votka, smirnoff, russian beer, bombay saphhire, dutch whiskey, bailey’s, feeney’s, kahlua.. All in my home.. And I am AA..


I am sorry I do not drink as much as you people...

My first drunk experience, even then I could walk home.. (drunk means really drunk)
In the other one, nearly choked a very good friend, because that drunk pushed me into the pine tree while I was peeing to it...

And others.. Laughter, pain, fun, sorrow...

Nowadays,I can’t afford to loose my next day for a hangover, hangover for a night that I was drunk, not remember what I did.. No my friend, I will stay sober.. And have a lively next day, even if it gets me pissed at the people around me, at the things that happened...

But what king of s**t is that you are accused of not drinking enough, what is the problem if my eyes can still see yours, what is the problem if I can still speak English, not Eanklöis¤#ch???

I am no AA, I am no non drinker, I am just someone who has the ability to enjoy a nice evening, accompanied by nice people and nice music, without having my blood run as alcohol...

Just do not run away when I am sober.. And I will not run when you are drunk..(that is a principle, not touch a woman who’s had too much alcohol)

I respect your alcohol, and you respect my 1 beer.

We all live happily together.

Eeeeeeazy Riiider

How many times does a man need to hear these words:

“Do you think Finnish women are easy?”

Or some other way of saying those words in a not so nice way as I have put it?

I have lost count.

Well, let’s see..

The number of intn’l students coming here adds up geometrically (That is, instead of 1,2,3,4; we get 1,2,4,8) every year.. When I came first, we were 40. Then came 80. 200. These numbers are much higher if you consider all round year and non technical arrivals..

There must be a reason.. and most are men.. I hear someone saying “The Finnish winter”. Did I hear right? There must be a mistake... Even the Finns hate it (if not the cold, the darkness)..

And why do the shop owners in south Turkey celebrate upon the arrival of a Finnish tourist group, a group usually buying nothing else than drinks... What has a carpet store worker to celebrate for the arrival of a not-money-spending group?

This argument can be played on, because it does not take place in Finland..

And the question is stated in the wrong society, a society where women are said to be most equal with men.. Where women are said to be independent.. Taking the phrase equal sexes, then we see that, just as men want to have casual sex, so do women.. Oh, no, every woman wants to beloved and love... Until the end of their lives.. Yeah.. yeah…

So, everybody agrees that if wanted, the number of men a woman can lay as one night stands, if she wants to, is much much larger than the case for a man laying women.. So, men are easy, or men do not choose as strict..

In a society, where women are free to choose their behaviour, why do I get asked, accusingly, “that I believe Finnish women are easy of not”.. Self esteem? Or, maybe the women know that having sex in this coutry for a man is so easy that they tend to forget the value? Women know, have always known...

I have seen girls go out with a guy who talked to them, after the 5th minute.. Oh, that is being difficult. Not that it did not happen to me..

And then, one point that pisses me off, is that I actually respect the so-called easiness.. I respect it with all my heart.. But try to get the ladies to understand that...

What would my answer be to the question?


Out of Finland.. Oh yeeFor Finns, Oh yeeeeFor foreigner, it depends,

But for ME, you are so F**KING difficult you cannot imagine..

Yep, here you have the answer.

Action reaction

As disgusting as I am, dating these women, Kaisa*, and Leena* the same time.. So different they are.. One 20, one 29. One tall, one not.. One hyperactive, one silent and calm...

Anyway, a friday night, I am going to meet Kaisa, and tell her that I want to break up, reason my own. (the real reason was that I understood that we will not have sex for a loooong time to come.. hmmm, I am disgusting).. So we got to Memphis, I get her a cider, myself a Velko, and we start talking.... By the time we leave, we are not dating anymore, and I can concentrate on Leena.

Yeah yeah

Leaving Memphis, I meet Leena in Teerenpeli, planning to have a fun dance night and then go to her home, and continue with the fun.. But she seems calm, unusually calm..I get her to speak, and in the end, reason unimportant, she tells me she wants to end the dating thing.. HA? Did I hear right?

Oh holy s**t, if I had seen this coming, if only I had seen this coming..

Afternoon, I have two girlfriends, early night, I dump one, middle night, I am dumped, in the later hours, I am in a bar, single, beer in my hand, laughing about the night with Topo.. the situation so desperate, nothing else left to do, other than laugh your guts out.

*Names made up

Wappu pee pee

So, wappu time, me and friends walking in the park by the river, Koskipuisto, enjoying the Kirsberry votka we drank in our bloods...

I see the blond curls flying in the little wind u ahead the trail, so I tell the guys to wait until I come back.. Go to Kaisa*, and have a chat..

After a while I hear people shouting my name, just think, can’t those fools wait until I am finished...

When I am finished, I get the news, a girl just kneeled down a meter behind me, in broad daylight, in a full park, took down her trousers, and relaxed onto the grass.... And my eyes were looking into some blue eyes which were said goodbye to, a few days ago..

For further info, I am aware of the uncivil beings shouting my name, or of me, wishing not to have missed that sight, but we are men, only men

*names made up


This girl I meat two years ago, Jenni*. She looked just like Madonna, had a nice stride, nice smile, was a sweet li’l girl..

Those were the times when I was still in the dating mood, so to say.. Started going out on dates with her, chatting, drinking coffee, bla bla bla..

One time, we were sitting near the Koskipuisto, on a bank below some Seagull statue, and I told her that I know there is something wrong.

“I do not trust you”

And some few other words, indicating she will not come to my place, for she is afraid of something I long ago stopped trying to discover...

Some weeks later, I saw her in Ilves, she had dyed her hair, while having too much alcohol in her veins, and that looked bad, no matter for me..

Some more weeks later, again in Ilves, I saw her, and we chatted for some time.. She disappeared.

The bar closed, and I am sitting on a chair, enjoying the sights under bright light, with Burak by my side. The phone rang.

“Finndistan, I do not know where I am, am in a bathroom.. Somewhere in the hotel... ... ... Somebody is knocking at the door... .... Think they will do a party.. .. . .. I do not want to be with the party... . . .. .. Now they want to party in the bathtub.. I want to go... “

“Give the phone to someone there”

“Uh, hullo?”

“Hey, hi.. I heard from Jenni you will have a party there..”

“Yes. We will. Wanna join? Room 1123”

“OK, I will”


So I go to the room somehow, and knock the door..

“Who is it”

“We just talked on the phone, am here to talk to Jenni”

“She’s not here”

“She is, I know, you told me on the phone”

Door opens, and I enter the room, three guys, two in bed with Jenni’s friend, one in bed with the drunk Jenni, who’s covered her face with a pillow. I get Jenni out, and break the party (Now, that was the best part, to distrupt the party!) We talk, and she says she wants to go home, so her friend agrees to take her home, I say OK, and leave Jenni to her friend..

Do not know what they did after that, nor do I care much.. I had my fun in walking to a hotel room filled with 3 horny guys and snatching the woman just from their faces, and none of them even moved. Now that WAS fun!

Ah, and by the way, her friend tells me Jenni likes me, answer:

“As long as she does not know it herself and tells me, it is worthless” (an answer I have loved since then)

Moral of the story, a girl who doesn’t want to come to my place because she doesn’t trust me, sees no problem to go to a hotel room with 3 other guys, her girlfriend being just a detail...
Mama donna,I just wonda....

Some of you will say that eventually she wanted to go away, but the point is that she went there in the first place... Ah ma-donna ah.. *names made up