Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Where has her mouth been?

Do you know?

Well I know.

You, latino loverboy, the girl you are hitting on, dancing so wildly with, the one who you will try to kiss, left my place without brushing her teeth, to come downtown. Your consolidation is that vodka acts as a cleaning agent.

Hey Mr. Boyfriend. You gave your girlfriend a passionate warm juicy kiss. What you do not know is that she just blew my friend in the toilet after his pee finished, with the last drops still on the tip. Yes, she swallowed. Oh, I know she is a good girl. How did the kiss taste? Salty? Bitter? Sweet?

Slimey boy trying all the moves on the dancefloor, do not go for the kiss. Do not. Damn man, I told you not to. She just had come from my friend's room, and he was telling me just how she swallowed everything. No, no, don't french kiss. Damn man, you don't listen. Oh well, I warned you.

Mr. Right, you have gotten up from your sleep at 4 am, to pick up your fiancee, future Mrs. Right. Bring some bleach with you. Your fiancee will kiss you with the lips which first got the gum of my latino, chewed on the gum covered in italian sauce, and then added to the flavor by smootching with a man from another continent. As my latino was not kissing your girl, he narrowly escaped with only losing a well chewn gum. But hell, you go marry that girl, variety is the spice of life, ain't it.

I just hope I was more lucky than these guys.

Please my Guardian Angel, please.

Author thinks for a minute, puts the laptop down, closes his eyes, smiles.

Accepts that shit just happens.

Sits back, puts feet up, and relaxes, still smiling with amusement.


  1. I read the post you linked on In mala fide blog about it being easy for Spanish to hook up in Finland. I'm Canadian and I'm of northern Indian descent. I'll be in Scandinavia next summer. How do you suggest I play it? I've been mistaken for Spanish/Greek/Persian/Italian before. Should I just lie and say I'm part Spanish?

  2. I used to think of being honest as a way to filter out the dipshits.

    I grew up. And you are here for a short time, so for you, yes, unless you have some bollywood look, I would not advertise the indian part, I would play up the canadian part. Persian not good either. Greek ok, better than Italian. If you know some spanish, do say you are part spanish. Many girls here speak the "most romantic language", (you just gave me a post idea) so not knowing spanish is risky.

    What also is good is french canadian. Some voila there, some madame here, and you got yourself melting butter.