Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Am I a woman hater, or what am I?

Weeks ago (edit 14.05.08: months ago) a good friend of mine, a good woman, asked me what happened to Finndistan. I told her that I started writing again, but that she may find that the style may have changed.

Last week she told me she read the stories, and that while the topics are the same, that I was right, I had changed. She added matter of factly with a broad smile, “You have become a woman hater, haven’t you. “

Now that is something I totally disagree with.

No woman hater. Some women out there are the most beautiful, inside and outside creatures ever to have walked the face of the earth. No matter how tiny a fraction.

If I got to be anything, if there is going to be label attached to me, I would call myself a “conditional equalist”. (word does not exist)

Got to clarify though.

This is not what is called equal outcome. I do not believe in equal outcome.

I believe in equal opportunity. I believe in the equal right of choice.

What I would call conditional equality, if there is no other humanistic way of saying this, is equality respective to starting conditions.


You have right of choice of anything in life. At least you should.

What I do is, I let the women reap the benefits of their choices,


I expect them to pay the price for their choices.

Independence does not come without responsibility. Nobody is entitled to anything, and I am not accepting anybody’s entitlements without expecting them to take the bill for that.

We are all equal to some extent, but we are not same. That creates a difference in choices, perks, talents, advantages, disadvantages, preferences and priorities.

Thus wanting equal outcome is like wanting oranges to taste like cherries.

Conditional equality is tasting oranges and cherries and rating them, rewarding them in their relative ways. Without letting one rating hurt the other.

It is basically,

“You can do whatever you want to do. As long as you accept the consequences, good or bad, and take responsibility for them.”

Of course there is a high chance I will be called a “woman hater” when I expect women to take responsibility for their actions, and decide I have the right and the necessity to make my judgment on those actions based on my reality of existence.

So be it.

If that is the price for treating women as responsible humans, and not a special race, then be it.

If I am a “woman hater” for not accepting some choices women make, let that be the price of respecting my existence, the way I should respect it. My given right and duty.

If I am a “woman hater” for speaking my mind about responsibility, that shows you the level of freedom of speech we have.

Btw, there are zillions of writings about what responsibilities men have, should have, are running away from… Laws are there about men’s responsibility with no mention to the lack of choice attached to that. So no need for me to make the zillion +1th comment on that.