Monday, September 27, 2004

A blue balls story

All the foreigners I’ve talked to know the blue ball issue...
Most Finns don’t…

Anyway, back to Turkey.
First year.

Am staying with a friend.
Dating this girl… Ohhh… She kisses so sweet…
Two years older than I am, dated a guy for three years before me…
So, I think, she is not virgin, YEEEAAAA…

She was…. ---- I started quite late.. God made me meet all virgins in town… -

Comes to my place one nite…
Instantly takes my pants off…
Starts sucking…
Whoaaaa…. She sucks for half an hour; I am jumping up and down.. Shaking all the way… Man what a pleasure, but that’s too much, I can’t come…
How much I try, she does not continue…
So, me and my hard dick pass the night pressed against her buttocks…

In the morning, we take a bus to school…
On a bumpy road…
On my left, my flatmate, on my right, the girl…
Flatmate knows the situation…

On every bump, I go:
“Ahh.. Uhh” damn pain in my balls… Women don’t know that,
Sadly don’t respect that…

The girl looking at me:
“What is wrong darling?”
“My back..”
My flatmate beside me, laughing to death…. Holding his stomach…

The fact that the driver turned and looked at me, then at the girl, then at me,
And had this pity look on his face…
That was something you do not come across everyday…

Proof: Hidden racism

The scene: Ilves Nightclub

Time: 25.09.2004

Actors: Me – Me. Me.
Blondie – Gorgeous blonde, from stories: I am patient, and some other story which I do not remember the name of...
Playa – A friend, low profile hunter. Finnish
Cockblock – Playa’s friend, wise man, good conversation. Finnish

The play:

Me is leaving the bar to go to some other place, Ilves is too old, and there are some people he does not want to see. On the way, I see a known face, a guy who I just met for ten minutes two months ago, when he came to a job interview. Start chatting,
Blondie passes.
Damn Blondie.
Its like one of the situations, two people get turned on the instant they see eachother, but never manage to get together.
We start chatting..
She excuses herself for not dropping by at four pm in my place, like arranged, three months ago… She met somebody that nite… Well I met, too, but was home before four..
Told me she read my site, and is pissed and amused at the same time, will write me a mail..
Told her she is not trustable, unreliable, and freaky.
The freaky word, she understood as:

Fun conversation,
Told me she is with two guys, rather handsome, but taken.
I smiled. Half smile.
Got to hear, I am gorgeous.. Which I know she feels like.
Told her she is gorgeous. Which she knows is true.

Then Cockblock comes.
A friend, who is supposedly to be a friend, etc.
A little chat with the girl in English, realizing they know eachother, a little fun there.
Then we continue chatting with the Blondie…


“Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don’t just say
And nothing else matters”… playing on my speakers… shit… - check out: Second time tears flow


Cockblock is listening in, and the conversation is going on between two people who have met years ago, have a background, based solely on sexuality. Does not like it.

Playa enters the scene,
Cockblock desperately tries to introduce the Playa to the girl, Playa is uninterested. Leaves.
Cockblock leaves.
Our convo continues,
Cockblock comes back..
Speaks something to the girl in Finnish – I have reasons for my paranoia on such an incidence,

Playa comes,
Some more desperate attempts to introduce the girl to him… Trying to take the girl away from me, oh I am sooo bad, into the hands of a hunter, somebody I have the honor to have as a competitor, a rival.

Girl leaves..
I ask Cockblock to translate what they spoke with the girl. He just smiles.
Says somethin’ irrelevant.


Made the mistake of choosing a girl over a guy.


In such an occasion, I do not choose the girl, who I do not know in person, I choose the guys who I call friends, or friends' friend..


Moral of story:

Even Fins who could be called friends are hidden racists when it
comes to Finnish women.
And you know what,.... that saddens me deeply.


Update: As it seems, booze, tiredness and noise may have caused some misunderstandings, so this story may be obsolete. If it is, will update it.


The said words in Finnish were not what I thought, but the actions done were done, so I do not see the need to change this story.

Second time tears flow

Ukko Noa.
Two weeks ago Saturday.
Goodbye party to Topo.
Heavily drinking.
Stand there, Me, Buddy, Topo…

On my right chatting with her friends is Rabbit, the brat who fucks my mind : ) In a good way, I mind you…
On my left, people are passing,


“So close no matter how far
Couldn’t be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live …………………………”


I feel my eyes fill…
My hands shake…
My legs loose power…
My stomach hurts….
And there go the tears…

First one…
Then the second…
Then the flow……

Buddy looks at me, I just smile, full eyes, wet cheek,
Topo looks at me, knowing, he touches my shoulder.

Why again?

Reason: -

Click on the image. Or here

It is a short movie clip,
with audio,
Pay attention to the background music.

WMV format,
size: 1.1 mb.

Should be no problem in playing it.

The whole week I was digitizing old family movies. Ten years old, even older…

The downfall of the energizer bunny

Two weeks ago.

My best friend in the country, my fourth brother, my mentor, my neighbor, was going to leave the country, back home.
So, we spend a week out…
And that week, I slept with three girls I did not know before.
So, three girls… a very good week…
A trip for my body, a trip for my soul, and a trip for my ego.

Then on Sunday,
I call this girl which I hoped to see on Saturday night– did not, saw somebody else.
On the sunday call I did not even get shot down.
She was just busy, on a dinner, a little misunderstanding, too tired both, no argument, no fuck offs, just that I could not see her.

Whole psychology broke down. After some messaging on Monday, and a phone talk, it went worse…
I could not get to myself the whole week….

A sign that what I feared had come true… Then some news on the weekend. A sign that I must embrace that what I feared, or walk away. Both requiring extreme sacrifice and courage.
Still to be decided….