Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The lion king, eats live game

Am out with friends, I am not drinking but they are on the way of total wasteland.

When I am sober in a bar, I tend to observe and tend to see too much, one of my good friends knows this, so he comes to me, all pumped up,

"Man, you are a lion, you are a male lion, go an get something! Be the lion that you are"

Sadly, he realized he is dealing with a difficult case when the lion answered,

"Dude, a lion does not feed on rotten carcass"

One night in lynx – Women and pick up lines

This is part 4 of the "one night in lynx" series.

I firmly believe a woman's job in flirting is to give shy-inviting looks.

Look in the eye, look down, look back up and smile.

He will get the message.

If a woman wants to go to a man, "hi" is all that is needed.

That being said I find it extremely disregarding when women criticise a man for being desperate or stupid for using a bad opening line on a woman. When most women totally blow it when they go talk to a man. The best ones I remember being used on me were "hi", "Why did you stop dancing" and "where are you going tonight". First is neutral, second tells of the situation and was fitting the context, the third, well, she was good looking, I was horny.

The usual opening line I get from women is usually "You wanna dance?"... No I don't.

The last one, this woman coming up to me all motivated and sure of herself,

"Hey, you must be the boyfriend of dreams"

WTF????? I've said some shit in my life, and justly got rejected for it, but it is rare that I am so corny.

"No, I am not" And I will not be, I am busy drinking with my friend and singing/shouting "fear of the dark".. Get the message? No, she did not.

"So where are you from"... I just shot you down, leave. I do not treat people bad. I believe in people getting the message when I am straight with them.

"Germany, and I would like to continue my drinking with my buddy here. Thank you and good night"

"Germany? I was in....." when my friend interrupts,

"Fuck off"

She got the message, too late for my liking, definitely was too late for her.

And then, it was back to vodka and iron maiden.

One night in lynx – Men behaving badly

This is part 3 of the "one night in lynx" series.

I think I sang fear of the dark for half an hour or so, in the meantime my friend was flirting with a few girls who happened to walk by, girls who were interested.

But then, singing fear of the dark was more fun that to jump on the grenades, which happened to be the girls' friends. Näää, I will continue singing.

Apparently we had these two 50 year old women on our table who were watching us,

One guy having girls chatting with him

One guy having the girls' friends eyeing him, but choosing to sing by himself,

And they exploded.

"You are dangerous"

"You are assholes"

"Why are you like that"

I tried reasoning, my buddy tried reasoning with them, to no avail, until he uttered his favorite phrase.

"Fuck off"

Go home, take your grandkids on your lap and tell them you managed to get a "fuck off" (deservedly) from two attractive men. What a fucking life.

So, I talk to women, I am a player, or an asshole, I dont talk, I am dangerous and an asshole,

So why should I even try not to be an asshole.

Btw, for the clueless, you cant do much wrong with being an asshole, while you'll live in the jerk off stage for a long time by trying not to be one. Sad really.

And the answer I gave to a good friend of mine that night when she asked "Are you a bad boy",

I said "No, I go my own way, that is all"

.... I am the man who walks alone.... the streets of cobblestone... dapdadappdaadppadapp

One night in lynx - Fat feet in my face

This is part 2 of the "one night in lynx" series.

Thanks God I was already smashed when I went to the bar to order some Jaloviina (traditional brandy or something), gave my order and had to witness a fat foot rising up to the bar desk, the white socks taken off and the sausage toes with red nail polish shown to some dude hitting on that 35ish blondie.

Alcohol can also be used to erase images your eyes had to see.


One night in lynx - The look that spoke

This is part 1 of the "one night in lynx" series.

It is one night broken into few posts, number yet unknown to me as I write with no plan.

Stsnding with the whiskey in my hand, she walks by and gives me the look.

He, a spanish, walking behind her, sees the look in her face, and then he looks at me.

He knew, that I knew that he knew that I was there before him, and it was just a matter of me inviting her, while he had to still jump through hoops to get there.

End of the night, I, with a good friend of mine, by choice, leaving, and the spanish is on the phone, "Where are you? I could not find you"....

Well, after a story I heard about a friend of mine shagging a girl in the beginning of the night, then the girl getting lost, and then calling him at the closing time, if he wants to meet as she is just out of a hotel room, I would've suggested this spanish to get a clue, close the phone and go home.

Did I?

What the fuck do I care.

The look in his face was entertainment enough. And he is a latino, he can handle it.

Been there, done that, good luck to you buddy.