Friday, April 16, 2004

Boat trip : Is unluckiness a virtue?

The boat trip...
This time with the colleagues and profs..
I am in a four man room...
Four men, who in total have three wives, and four kids..

I am the youngest...
I am the only single one...

In the nite,
Conversating with this nice girl... Not too beautiful, but damn witty...
If I had been a girl, I would have been dripping wet...
So, for privacy, we go to her room,
Two girls sleeping there... I do not mind.. She minds...

Go back upstairs,
Find her friend, and learn that the other room is also full...
I turn back..

See my profs, J&J dancing on the dancefloor, and the other colleague also..
The room is empty...
I only need half an hour...
I tell her,
“Let’s go to my room”,

As we are getting up,
J&J pass me by, both hands up, smiling,
“Goodnite Finndistan, we are going to sleep”

Now that I do mind.

Still getting reminded, bad is good

This is the girl from the Boned'er'ass story....

I see her in the opening party of a new club, Sokeri...
And I had seen her in the newspaper, she won a cup or something...
“Hey, I saw you in the paper, what was the issue?”
She looks up, and silently, making me bend down,
“I won the championship”
“The hairdressing championship”
Still bending down,
“See, you have to speak louder, or I will have to go”
“No I do not have to”
“You have to, because I do not like bending down, ... see ya”

Here, the girl which has had a lot going with me a couple of times, and bitched out on all, suddenly changes mood,
I hear a shout behind me,
Turn around,

“Excuse me?” she says, loudly, almost shouting
“What is your name?”
“Alp, and yours?”
“Anna Mari”..
“Nice to meet you, have a nice nite”
And I leave.

She checks me out all nite,

Once more revelation hits my head...
Once more, my behavior is justified.. Not that I need justification...

Women : Straight to the point is irresistible

In the bar, having a tired nite.. Bad mood...
This girl I slept before, a girl I like, is sticking to me like glue, its a wrong nite...

I send her away, two times, am really tired, in no mood for flirting...
Sit down somewhere, and she comes,
“No fuck for you tonite?”
“No, did not make a move tonite”
“I am horny, I want sex”
“Well you still have an hour to go, good luck in your search”
“I am horny, I want your sex”
I turn to her, she looks at me,

“I want dick”


The Easter Boat Trip

Easter 2004,
Homes are too far away, we do not want to stay in town...
Want to eat good food,
So take the ship to Stockholm...
These are collection of events:


Our Indian walking around the ships corridors with an Italian....
Hears a door open, and an erect dick peeping out from the door, shiny and wet...
The dick is joined by a naked man’s body a couple of seconds later...
Swinging and swaggering, the dick with the body turns left, turns right, looks up, does not look down,

Sees my friends,
Still erect goes back into the room..
In the room, as my friends pass by it,
A vagina with a body is seen, trying to get the knickers on...

Italian is “What the fuck”
Indians holy words to the Italian: “Take it easy”


The Turk,
Has the girl,
Goes to room,
Only to see one Italian busy on the bed....


I am basically raped on the Italians bed, and enjoy his face when I tell it to him,
Knowing he was busy on the bed half an hour after me...
He gets pissed off...


the Indian drinks and in two hours is pissed drunk, running around, aggressive behavior..

The Finns in the next room, have started drinking Friday afternoon, have not slept in the nite, continued drinking, Saturday did not leave ship, did not sleep, continued drinking, in the nite, continued drinking, and did not sleep, and were still “Whazzzzuuuuuup” to me, on Sunday morning.

Indian drank half bottle Absinth... Almost died of alcohol coma...

One Finn had a vodka cherry 50cl bottle around three am on Saturday, and when I went up for breakfast at nine am, he was finishing a 20% liquor, one liter bottle... And had another nite to go... He was alive... Incredible...


I drink on Friday nite,
Around two in the nite, I need to wake up, because of some lady issue...
had two coffees during dinner, and in the mentioned hour, I had four more...
At three I join my friends in the disco...

They go sleep,
I sit down in the lobby and chat till seven pm....
Just fucking cannot close my eyes....
Half a week later, today had my first coffee...


Go talk to a girl, bent down,
The guy talking to her comes and kicks the chair in front of me,
I get a full power hit on my knee...
Turn to him,
“that was my fucking knee”..
The guy goes, “Aaaaay aaaaamm ssooorrrrghy”
The girl, funnily, looks at me and says,
“Why are you so aggressive?”
Anani avradini......


Am walking in the corridor,
There is a girl and two boys chatting, I pass them by, and my ear catches a distinct
Turn back, look in the guys face,
“I have heard that word too fucking many times, and am getting bored of it!”
Two guys, and one girl... If they want to kick my ass.. I am dead...
the guy says.
“uh uh uh.. I was talking to my friend”


An Italian hitting on a lady which I introduced to him..
- Hey I want my beer for that!!-
Near the end of the night, she asks him what will happen to them when he turns back to the US...
I bend down, and cry,
“Teach me how to do that Master”


A girl sitting there is checking me out, I am chatting with the Turk...
a girl comes up and says,
“My friend has sent me, she thinks you are handsome”
“Tell her to come say it herself”
She does not come...
Half hour later,
Another girl comes,
“That girl thinks you are good looking”
“Tell her to come”
Somehow me pointing at her makes her come...
We have a five minute chit chat, she laughing her ass off...
“I have a boyfriend.. He lives in Ahvenmaa” – an island in which the ship stops
“Good.. One hour is enough for a shag”


Actually that night I was called an asshole by five or six different women...


The small Italian calls me for wingman action...
I go..
the girl is boring...
I know the Finns like silence, so am checking the dancefloor out... Not trying to continue this pain in the ass conversation, in a country where conversating guys are considered desperate...
The big friend of the girl sitting to my right gets up, so I just leave the wingman formation, and hit on this other woman beside me...
Later in the nite, when my buddy wanted to kiss that girl, she told him,
“Your Turkish friend... Is he a problem?”

My actions should only affect me, not some innocent bystanders....


I am sleeping,
The door opens,
“Are you sleeping?”
The guy goes to the other room,
“Are you sleeping?”
“Yes” they say...
The guy and the girl go on a venture in the ship to find an empty place...


Italian and Indian hitting on girls,
Indian to the girl:
“Fuck off”
Still reason unknown...


Ah Indian Ah...
You will never learn...
The girl in the chapter gigolo..
I stop her..
We start conversating..
On the third sentence, the term shag is introduced..
On the fifth, gigolo, and me being the manager of the other Turk, who just joined us...
Half an hour into the conversation,
Basically shaggedy shag shag style... Nothing else is spoken about,
It all laughing, entertaining.. Damn good..
conversating on how many guys she shagged.. etc...
So I need to pee...
When I come back, the Indian is also in the conversation...
The thing is that while I was away, the Turk took over and the Indian arrived just on the topic that she likes to shag blacks and greeks...
Just as the Turk was going on about dick size, Indian jumps in,

“what do you do?”
The Turk tries to divert the conversating back to dick issues, as the Indian goes,

“Wait man, she did not answer yet”
As if the answer is important...
Learn man, learn :)


For the first time in my life, I was called “nosey” by maybe the cutest girl in the ship....


Indian has decided that girl is Russian..
Has a boyfriend.
Goes up to her,
Says something in Russian,
Boyfriend jumps in,
“Hey what are you saying?”
Indian, turns to him, psycho eyed,
“Am I FUCKING talking to you? who the FUCK are you? I am talking to her, shut up”
At this point, not only the boyfriend, but also the Italian accompanying him are peeing in pants, according to the story told to me.


Late in the night, four pm...
The “You are aggressive girl”, and the other guy, we are chatting, she told me she will not hump that guy, so I am playing it cool..
Guy asks me where I am from,
“Können sie bitte plustapeiren”
“Können sie pitte p-hustöpiöran”
”What you sayin’ man?”
”Können sie bitte plastebpierchen”
“What the hell is that meaning..”
“You are lying, you are no German.. you do not know German”
“Ok say it in English”


What he was trying to test me on was : Können sie bitte buchstabieren