Thursday, December 16, 2004

Brainstorming on one lost battle..

A girl I met months ago, a friend of some flirt of my friend...
After some friendly chat about dating stuff, I was called “You are an asshole”…
A few weeks ago, on Saturday,
Am in Doris, get bored, move to Henkka…

As I am leaving Henkka, I see this girl, chat with her, and, end up in her friends place for an afterparty…
About the afterparty, three people drank almost two bottles of wine from four till five am, and they were drunk when they got home, before those bottles…
I don’t get that…

Well, little later than five me and the girl leaves that place, and end up in mine, with the condition, she will stay on my couch…
After some time we end up on the couch, later move to bed…
“I want to fuck you so much, but I can’t” are her words… She has her days…

She leaves…

See her a week later, tease her a little, have fun myself, joke, chat, bust on her, even insert some politics into the convo…
Later when she passes by to pick up her earring that she forgot, I notice, she being evasive, I lost the battle. Being sober she will never go “I want to fuck you so much” again…

Even if I catch her drunk, she will not do it…
Some fuse in her mind had blown, and that will not be possible to mend…

Thinking about this, I have some storming to do:

- Second Saturday, by cracking jokes, entertaining myself, I came out as desperately trying,
- Second Saturday, by teasing her, I hit a vein in her insecurity, causing her to back off
- Sometime she noticed she will not get me for long, she backs off
- Saw too much self esteem in me, made her insecure…
- She is a status worshipping bitch, me talking to her friendly, made me loose the status
- She saw I am comfortable around them (she and her gorgeous engaged friend), came out as player or desperate
- Something in my actions made her think I want a relationship, and she does not
- She fucked somebody on Saturday, and now, after three days, is in a relationship..
- By using her earring for a basis of a joke, that I am holding it hostage, I seemed desperate for her
- By interacting friendly, I destroyed the mystery
- By not turning my back, I disobeyed the rules
- By acknowledging her presence, I disobeyed the rules…

I can continue,
But as an objective view,
It was my mistake. Forgot about Finland Rules for Flirting.

Analyzing this,
If she was a European girl, European in the sense, Central and South Europe
The same incident could have taken a flow like this, comparing to the Finnish one:

European - First meeting: He is friendly, but he is very independent, hmmm… Maybe an asshole, I shall tell him that. What, he smiles? Getting intrigued…

Finnish – First meeting: He looks good.. Hmmm… And he is friendly.. Yea, desperate... Look at the fucker... Thinks he can fuck everything that moves.. Asshole… And he is smiling? Yea yea.. He indeed fucks everything that moves.

European – Second meeting: Hey, it’s this guy, the smiley asshole, hmm, speaks well.. So there is indeed something else than looks… And he is not walking away.. This guy knows.. Good… Afterparty.. Let’s go.. Hmm.. Teasing me, so what, I am having fun, the party hosts are cracking up, hey this guy is gold… Fucking cold outside, and I have to walk… Invites me to a cab to get his couch, bloody hell… Let's see what else he is good at… Damn, I want him so bad, but have my days, I gotta go… What he say’s makes sense, maybe I should stay till the morning and leave when its light, from his background I understand he does not want a girl to walk home alone pitch dark on a Saturday morning, something happens to me, he is the first suspect.. Too risky, besides being against the global rules of the gentleman club.

Finnish – Second Meeting: Hey, it’s this guy, the fucky asshole, hmm, speaks well.. So, he must be desperate, even with those looks. And he is not walking away… this guy is desperate. Bad. Afterparty. Let’s go.. Hmmm… Teasing me, so what, I am having fun, the party hosts are craking up, hey this guy is gold… But must be desperate. … Fucking cold outside, and I have to walk… Invites me to a cab to get his couch, bloody hell… Let’s see how much he wants to fuck me… Damn, I want him so bad, but have my days, I gotta go… What he say’s makes sense, maybe I should stay till the morning and fuck him when its light, bastard… from my background I understand he does not want a girl to leave his home on a Saturday morning. Not good, considering he is desperate for a fuck… Didn’t I just tell him “I want to fuck him badly???”… But I am a girl.. I am not easy or desperate. A man should not want. What the fuck am I thinking? I am leaving.

European – Third meeting: Hey, there is this guy, hot again… Oh he comes… Haaa haaaahahahaaa.. hahahahaaaaa... hahahahaaaaa... My friend? Oh she is bla bla... He talks to my friend to whom many man are too intimidated to talk to.. wow… haa haahahahahaaa.. hahahaaaahaaaa… wow my Friday nite has gotten better, I am getting wet… Look at the bastard, he said hi to three gorgeous girls while talking to me in the five minutes… Hmm.. He knows about advertisement.. Ah, there is xxx, an old friend, let me talk to him.. bla bla.. xxx, is drunk, that is the only time he can talk to me, and even then only for three minutes, loser.. ah, my asshole is talking to my friend who is engaged, about engagement.. He does not get shot down.. Wow… haaa hhahahahahhahaaaa… My earring, you damn well bet I will do anything to get them back, please use them as hostage… Aha, these women checking him out… Hehe… ego treat for me… Hey, I am not stupid, ha, he agrees.. I busted back on him.. Hey, he is enjoying it, let me bust back… He does not get intimidated ha, shit, still teasing me.. but, hahahaaaaa… politics.. what did he ask about Felluce? Whatever, he was right I prefer him, not serious.. hahahahaaaaa… he is leaving? Damn I gotta call him to get my earring,…

Finnish – Third meeting: Hey, there is this guy, hot again… Oh he comes… Desperate...Haaa haaaahahahaaa.. hahahahaaaaa... hahahahaaaaa... My friend? Oh she is bla bla... He talks to my friend to whom many man are too intimidated to talk to.. wow… he wants to fuck her…. haa haahahahahaaa.. hahahaaaahaaaa… who the fuck does he think he is, being the only person in the bar who smiles.. so full of himself the bastard.. I laugh, but I can, am a woman… Look at the bastard, he said hi to three gorgeous girls while talking to me in the five minutes… Hmm.. He fucks a lot .. Ah, there is xxx, an old friend, let me try to talk to him.. bla bla.. xxx, is drunk, that is the only time he talks to me, and even then only for three minutes.. yea he is da man….ah, my asshole is talking to my friend who is engaged, about engagement.. He is indeed desperate.. talking to an engaged nice woman.. . Wow, bastard… haaa hhahahahahhahaaaa… what is happening? I am laughing.. no no.. I need a shrink… My earring, you damn well bet I will do anything to get them back, without seeing you… Aha, these women checking him out… Hehe… ego treat for me… I am da fucking queen having this hunk desperate for me…. Hey, I am not stupid, ha, he agrees.. Who the fuck do you think you are.. Hey, he is enjoying it, selfish narcissist bastard… He does not get intimidated ha, pathetic to still stay…. shit, still teasing me.. Shit is I that stupid…???? but, hahahaaaaa… politics.. what did he ask about Felluce? Who does he think he is? Fucking Clinton? Ey? …. Whatever, he was right I prefer him, not serious.. What did I say, I prefer him? This pathetic player who gives me the best time in the nite, but talking to me looses all the challenge? Fuck off.. I am not that easy…hahahahaaaaa… he is leaving? Good, so I can go run after my drunken xxx, who is da man.

Hope you enjoyed!

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

A friend: Finnish guys are abusive

Came home, after hearing the words from a friend,
“Wow, Finnish guys are abusive”

I was about to write another “fuck you” text, but then an evening Turkish coffee opened my eyes..

Yes it’s true, you get to see men, good looking, ugly etc, dancing with a woman, the woman trying every possible move, and the guy not even paying attention..
The girl talking to the guy, guy going, “Shut up”, and talking to his friends, the girl, in love after this…

First date rape.
A man giving more importance to beer than the woman.. Getting praise for it..
A man giving more importance to getting drunk, than the woman, getting laid for it..
Guys treating women as if the don’t exist..
Guys treating women as they are the lowliest whores…
Guys treating women like they are some dogs in heat…
Guys treating women like burning pussy in need of dick – not totally untrue..

Yes, that is abusive…
In our southerner eyes…
It is a fucking crime…
In South Europe you could get killed for that.

But this is Finland…,
This is called paying respect to the woman…

What is abusive actually is not treating the woman like shit.
And then, leaving her lying on bed, without writing down your phone number…
Crime, because that was the unknown, in a society where women take pride in being like men.
The feeling that she is a woman, she was hunted, served, pleasured, is something special, enhancing the pain, upon the leave of the man,
Unlike being treated like shit all the way…

Then, I am talking about the night scene…
And what they say is, the bad comes out at nite…
(Its pitch dark here after four nowadays.. no comment)

The guys, I do not consider abusive anymore....
They are just doing what they gotta do… What they were tought by women...
You don’t treat her like shit, you don’t get laid…
Sadly, this is true for the majority of the night marketplace…

In the end, remembered the saying,
To know the women of a country, look at their men.
Women educate their men, men just follow the rules.

Simply, the rule is,
The woman wants you, only to prove herself, she can exist in your world, whatever hell that may be…


If you ever get the chance, go to one of the international parties in Kiva, or Europe.

Look at the foreigners flirting…
Look at the guy talking, the girl talking, they both laughing..
Look at the proximity,
Look at the communication they have…

Go to a Finnish place like Panama or Ilves, and observe the flirts…
You will see what I mean.


Different rules…

If I am desperate, you are fucking pathetic – ONE

I heard them many times, but did not dwell on them.

As the memories of all the independent occurrences are coming into mind, I need to spill out some thoughts out of my head onto this white word sheet.
The anger at other people arises from the fact that, if I am about to have fun, and these break my fun with stupid comments, they are guilty. If you don’t want to execute these, you get angry.
And of course, if these stupid comments prevent me from getting laid that nite, I get pissed.

Here are the trigger sentences, for this text, said for the same bar, for Saturdays, said by a multitude of men and women:

“You are always here in this bar, that’s desperate”
“You are working hard, being here every week.”
“You sit on this table all the time, that’s not good.”

So let’s brainstorm…


“You are always here in this bar, that’s desperate”

Is it…
This is a fucking small town. And I like my age group. So, how many bars/pubs are there to go to. ??? One…
And how many weekends do I have on the week, One…

What am I gonna do, sit home and commit suicide for being homesick? Something you may not know, not visiting your parents who live in the same town, in the last two years…
Or go out with my friends, enjoy the chats, the time, talk to people passing by, girl or boy, meet long lost acquaintances….????

It is this fucking idea that “you go to bar to fuck someone, or get an ego treat”....
I don’t need that.
Of course I hit on women, successfully or not… By now I have women who evade me, and women who think I am a God or something…

Saturday is a weekend, and unlike solitary Finns, we southerners are lone wolfs who enjoy the pack. Hunt lone, live lone, have a pack.

And as said, I am bloody far from home, from a brother for whom a song makes me cry. And I am supposed to spend the Saturday nite home, watching some shitty Hollywood flick, some porn, jerk off and sleep, or call a girl and spend my Saturday at home with one person, what I can do on weekdays anyway…

I am no Fin.
I do not play with the Finnish rules, that you have read here a ditty thousand times.

Yes, I am desperate, for I will do anything to have good time. A good conversation, a good touch, and irresistible eye contact. Having fun at the end of a bloody week.
And I am there, because people I like to talk to know I am there. It is not fucking London, where you have two thousand pubs.. It is Tampere, and this is the only place to go.
Ah yea, I talk to women, and if we have the same frequency, we have good time with the conversation… By that I mean laughter, not a fucking interrogation.

Laughter, joy, fun, pleasure, pussy.
I want that.

And if you call me desperate for that, you know what, you are bloody pathetic...
Living in a world of shadows. The shadow of the hell where the only aim is to prove one's worth...


If I am desperate, you are fucking pathetic – TWO

So, the next sentence,

“You are working hard, being here every week.”

Heard it many times…
Hard work is in the week..
When you come home from a bloody day, and pass out on the couch…

For me, going out is fun.
Fun is not hard work..
I do not work for it.

I go out, have chats, women and men, have flirts, only with women, and enjoy myself, and my company.
That is hard work?

Well, I am not part of the kind of men who are so plentiful outside, who cannot say “hi” to another human being, let alone women, before having more alcohol in his veins than blood.
No, for me interaction is something which is entertaining, not something which I have to do in this damn unfair difficult world.
Not something for which I have to loose my self in alcohol, to be able to say two words in a row to a woman.

It just is in the nature.

I go out. Enjoy. I talk. Enjoy. I flirt. Enjoy. I shoot down. Enjoy. Don’t shoot down. Enjoy. I fuck. Enjoy.

Now, if you are a person, who calls going out, hard work, can’t start a bloody conversation without being drunk, and still complain all the time that you are drunk – what the fuck do I care - , get drunk to overcome the “social pressures” of being surrounded by people, get drunk to get drunk…

If I am desperate without having the needs above,
Using the word pathetic on you is an insult to the pathetic people in the world.

You are sick.

If I am desperate, you are fucking pathetic – THREE

You sit on this table all the time, that’s not good.”


I heard it from many people,
I sit on the table all the time.
I do not turn faster than a chronometer around the bar,
Actually after some time I quit counting how many times people have passed in front of my face making their turns of the bar.

I sit on the table.
On my left I have a friend.
On my right I have a friend.
On the other side I have another friend.

I am with them, and I am not.
A girl I know, who knows I am there has come, so I am with her for the moment.

She goes, another one comes.

If none comes, I have some chat, enjoy myself..
Or reduce my surroundings to an empty space ,and dwell in my own thoughts accompanied with the music…

Occasionally I go up, take a walk around to see if there’s some chick I missed, as other hunters out there do, take a leak and come back.
My territory. Leave to hunt, if food is scarce.
A good overview, a clothing hanger, and an ashtray..
Ah, and good music in my ear…

So, I am desperate for enjoying my presence, for taking pride in being…

Then you, by desperately turning around the bar, hoping you’ll spill some beer to start a conversation, with which you will hopefully end up having sex, and almost racing with the chronometer, on who will make a faster turn, not being able to hold on to one place, getting intimidated by people getting close to them,
If your walks are based on an unending desperate search for any mate, based on your insecurity to deal with another human being closer than ten meters, et fucking c…

If you call me desperate,
I am sorry for calling you the pathetic human ghost without any human abilities that you civilized people should have.

I prefer to be the ape, if this, what you are, is human.

And prefer to be desperate but content with myself.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

A good girl....

There are the girls who consider themselves good.
...Like decent.

When I first came,
I hit on a woman like that, she was responsive, her friends bitchy,
As if protecting some kind of precious gem from the notorious geminator…

Turns out she is dating this guy for some years..
And actually continues to date him, and now they are engaged…

But for a fact, I know she fucked one of the players in town, a few months back,
And a player not like the decent type of James Bond, but the Rocco the Anal Monster type…
(No idea of dick sizes though…
Never seen James Bond’s….)

And I can show you quite a number of examples for each of these categories of men…

So this girl needed a good banging before getting engaged…

I do not mind who she fucks.. Really , don’t give a shit…

Do mind,
That the “nice girl” image is used, diseased by people like this, whose voice is the loudest…
And that these people try to impose labels other than nice, who are not living in the way they are...
Same goes for “nice boys”, even hitting on the female fly in the bar, and after seeing they can get her to bed, go fuck their so called female-friends…

You know what,

Fuck yourself….

One of the many cultural misunderstandings...

Three Italians at dinner with their girlfriends…

One of the girlfriends does not talk for hours, she usually is not talkative anyway…
One Italian, with a smile in his face, jokes:
“Hey, you talked so much, please shut up”

Another girl replies:
“That is so rude”

The other two Italians choke in laughter…

Come on…
What is rude?
Being on a table, not saying anything, or having a friendly joke about that…

And then,
He is a bloody Italian,
Those fucks can’t even shut up when they sleep…

p.s.: Now some are going to think, “you should pay respect for that culture of silence” etc etc… Does that culture pay me any tolerance or understanding for my friendly, respectful actions except “Oh it’s a different culture, how interesting”.... end of story.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Everlasting Love, ...My Ass

The original was written 5.12.2004,
The update is added to the bottom.

Old Pricks,
Somewhere in November...
I am there with the guys, four or five, the same night as ”This is Finland”,
Only one girl I would like to bang that night, so I go to her….

Information I learned in the first three minutes,
She is single for a few weeks now,
Not looking for a ONS,
If I am into no relationship I should go.
If I am looking for a relationship I should stay.

Curiosity in how long I will be in Finland.
And she is looking for a relationship already…..

I see,
No time for that…
Those kinds of women are crazy… (check “What lies beneath”)

When I leave, the guy who hit on her before me came back, he was shot down the first time, this time he did not…

Next day,
On Saturday, she arrives to Panama with that guy, all over each other,
When I leave with a good girl friend, she is leaving too, gives me a goodnite, I said the same…

Two weeks later, the same guy is banging some other older gal….
That was a relationship…

In that case…,
I love relationships!!!!

Update on 7 April 2005:

So this girl has gotten at least four confirmed kills in the past months. With all she is holding hands - and act more sacred than having sex, in my agenda....

This is a relationship mode.... In that case, what does it mean that "you are a player..." Am I supposed to lay 299 girls in a month??

She loves extacy

Sitting in Panama...
Chatting with someone, dunno who, anymore...

Girl comes…
Stands in front of me…
Looks at me..
I look at her…
She comes closer…

“Oj anteeksi, en puhuu suomea”
”Hey, I think I said, I don’t speak Finnish”
“Can I talk to you in English?” She asks?????????????????
“And you ask????” I reply…

Aaaaaaand boom:

“Do you have ecstasy”
“No.. Do I look like a motherfucking drugdealer??” (exact words)

“Ummmm…. Nooo… but someone who may have some”
“and how do I know you are not a cop???”
“No ecstasy,” I say, “Let’s find you something sweeter”
“Nothing is as good as ecstasy… .... ....Not even a man”…

“Not even me?”
“You did not taste me yet..”
“Hmmm No..”…

I ended convo there, as I knew where it was going, and had no intention of humping somebody that nite.
She left.
The last time I saw her, she was grinding three guys on the dancefloor…

Drunk women... Once more

So, am in Panama, dancing with three friends, a girl and two guys,
This girl passes me by, gets stuck by my beauty,

Stops, looking at me, and me looking at her, I also stopped ?
Gets hold of my neck, pulls me down, I resist, so she goes on dancing…

Three hours later,
A friend almost had a fight with two guys twice his size, so am dancing around him..
This girl is dancing with a guy..

uuups, sorry…
The guy is trying to dance with her, and hold her hand…
No chance, her eyes are on me, and mine on her cute girl friend’s…
I go to the girlfriend, get shot down…
When I turn around, slow music starts, and the girl (not the friend) holds out her hand..

Why not?
It’s free…

So we dance,
She speaks German,
Thinking how fast this was, how effortless and without any investment… So why not, I thought.
Ask if she wants to come with me,
“Oh yea” is the answer…

Lesson 1: If drunken girl says oh yea, don’t fucking wait to get her home, bang her on the toilet seat

We go downstairs,
The girls are hungry, it’s me, my girl, and her friend…
They can’t decide where they should go, and I don’t care, am talking to a friend…
At that point two Finns come up..
Try to start chatting…

Lesson 2: If you have a girl, Finns don’t come to talk to you, they come to try get the girl away from you, foreigner.. Ignore…

Guys leave…
So, my girl is from out of town, and stays at her friend..
Friend asks me if I am coming,
“I suppose so” turn to my girl who was trying to hold my hand on the way to the jacket queue..
“Umm.. I have a boyfriend”

Lesson 3: Don’t waste time, Bang on toilet seat!!

I crack up at their face…
Call my friends who are in Hesburger,
And leave the crime scene, singing:

“Well somebody told me
You had a boyfriend
Who looks like a girlfriend…………………………………..”

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

An interesting observation....

Went to Doris on a Saturday after long time...
Was dressed casually, and a little over whiskied..

Met three girls at that night,
All three ended up behaving like a kid who just heard the teacher will check homeworks, ran away, and kept on checking me out throughout the night…

The talks were nothing of serious nature..
And a laugh was never missing – This mood I get sometimes. And maybe should stick to the girl who never makes me get out of it… (Note to myself: Stop fucking with your mind.)
Introductions were done normally, not too much touching or so…
And as said, they kept on checking me out, whenever passing by, shyly put their head lower.

As I will not play the “I am shy”, “I am excited” – (Some women do get me excited to the point of total failure, they know themselves, and to keep that specialty for them, I refuse playing excited among women I am not) – “Oh I don’t know what to do to get you like me”, or the low profile – Which I cannot even get in my lowest days,

I guess, what I need is a woman, not a girl, and that comes with age, experience, nature, and choices.

The solution lies in having a better initial screening, and a selection done in the first ten seconds, so as not to loose time with this kind of incidence. Fun I can have with myself, or my friends, or, a woman who will not run at the sight of me, hands in pockets.
And I hope this selection will be based on something more than a boob ass combination.

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Thursday night, 05.15 A.M.

That night, after my visitor left, watched a manga, and went to bed around twelve..
At some point, was dreaming about flirting with two girls, and having good time…

Suddenly, in my sleep, I hear the phone ringing, I answer the call,
My mother is talking to me,
“Your father wants to talk to you. He is not feeling very well”
Before I could ask what is wrong, where they are, etc, I wake up, full of sweat, my eyes getting wet, shaking all over.

Look at the phone, its 05.15 am. Dark and cold outside. No missed call, or no message.
Cannot call home at that time, so I have to wait till seven…
A very long wait that was, though I fell asleep in the end, called home when I woke up, and all was fine.

I wish from God, he shall not give this kind of dream, not even to my enemy.

P.S.: I am known for waking up to strange events.

Year 1999. Am in Germany. Middle of the night. Wake up to no reason. Go to the window, look out, thinking “What the fuck is wrong again?”, when half a minute later, the fire station alarm goes off, calling for the voluntary firemen.

Year 2000. Ankara. Sleeping. Wake up. No need to pee. No need to drink water, but cannot sleep back. A minute later, an earthquake of 4.5 hits.

Year 1999. Everything is ok, except, I am having insomnia. Three days later, my uncle dies during an operation. I did not even know he was going to have an operation.

The time 5.15 is interesting, as I made a heavy accident seven years ago, at 04.15, and my brother was born fourteen years ago, 06.15…
As my family is ok, I wonder what news I will receive in the evening.
I hope they are good.

So, date is 30.11.2004

News came in that an exceptional person, one of the few in town who I care about, needs to see the neurologist, due to a never ending headache…

Fuck… My stomach is upside down.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Man.. My memory has tricked me

This girl.. I met her two years ago, had e few good nights, and then I did not call, she did not call…
Sometime later, we met in a bar, ended up in her place, later no calls…

I guess a month or so ago, I meet her in Doris. They were three girls. Have a good night, and throughout the night, her friends were trying to get her away from me.
In the end, we are walking home, the two other girls try unsuccessfully to stop us, and get her to their place..
This even continues in front of the girls’ apartment, which is on my way…
One of the girls tells me that my girl, the brunette has told them to get her away from me, if she ends up with me…
They do not succeed…
Even when I am home, naked, serving, and being served, her phone rings…
That was that night.

Go to Doris this weekend,

The girl is there, too, I say hi, a smile, and continue.
Who is this gorgeous blonde, sitting on a stool at the exit of the men’s toilet?
See the blonde later by the dance floor, have some chat, as we are going to sit down, she says she will tell her friends where she is going, well, without sitting down, she gets lost.
Nice bitchblock, I think.

Later that night, I see the blonde, and tell her it was funny the way she changed her mind upon talking to the girls.
Oh, no.. Her friends don’t control her… I am just not her type… - Well, the fact she was going to sit down with me, before talking to her friends, tells me otherwise…

Even later I learn the reason, why I am not her type..

She was actually one of the girls who was trying to keep the brunette away from me and failed.
She knew me.
But I had forgotten about her.
My memory is a bitch.

***Though I know, without her friends around, she is mine.

My references are good, and she has seen my influence on her friend with her own eyes.

Curiosity kills the cat.

The night I almost had a knife in my belly

This is one thing in Finland.
You can kill someone, just don’t drive a car when drunk.

Happened last winter.
Was out with the Indian, and two Italians.

And the Indian is famous for having friendly relationships with the psychos and bitches in town.
So a friend of him comes to us, I am on a no drink night.
Friend offers drinks, I decline nicely, the other Italian is enjoying free booze.

We leave the place to go to some other bar..
I am walking with the friend, a few steps behind others, chatting away.
The friend offers me a cigarette, I cannot decline anymore, and it is cold anyway..
One puff, and I feel warmer.

“Are these your friends” he asks
“Yea, good guys” I say,
“I am afraid” he says…
“What for I ask”
“I am afraid”
“Yea, for what?” – still have the picture in my mind..

“You will kill me”

“What are you talking about?”
“You will kill me”
“You are my friend, I don’t kill my friends”
“No, I am afraid”
“Hey, I want my friends with me, not in grave.”

He holds my hand and I turn around,
“Will you kill me” he says,
“I will not kill you” I say, and he motions down

I look down, and there it is. A knife just a cent away from my belly.
Take his hand, gently,
“Hey, I will not kill you, nor do I want to kill you. You are the friend of my friend”
“I am afraid”
“Look, I told you, you are my friend. It is a good night, let’s go into the bar, and have a drink. Ok?”

So we went into the bar.

To say the truth, a knife in a fight is something you don’t want to mess with. A friend in fight with fists will get my assistance. With a knife, haven’t been in that situation where a friend was threatened, I possibly would hesitate, but still the outcome I cannot speculate about. Help, is in the code of man, though.

Humans show their real face in crisis.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

A friend’s mail… Godsent…

I got this mail from a friend one noon, and the last sentence is as if said by Descartes…

Below, “Me” stands for my friend, “K.” :

“After getting bored and reading some stories at finndistan this morning, I wanted to write some stuff happened in the past couple weeks:
Happened in Helsinki to U. and me

U.: Why Finnish girls are so scared of talking to strangers
Girl1: well, typical Finnish girl is shy, I am very open compared to others that's why I am talking to you

U.: woov, thanks a lot for talking to me
Me: tell me about Finnish ladies
Girl1: well I dunno I am not typical Finnish

Thirty mins later another girl
Me: tell me about Finnish ladies
Girl2: well I dunno I am not typical Finnish

An hour later another one
Me: tell me about Finnish ladies
Girl3: well I dunno I am not typical Finnish

"Tell me about Finnish ladies" is not a good conversation starter for Finnish ladies

Conclusion2(as A. (editor’s note, this A. is not me, sadly) pointed out):

Being not a typical Finnish is a typical Finnish thing


One of the sexiest sights

I am visual...

Early autumn…
A long day after work..
Tired after sports…

Am in the queue for the cashier.

There is this girl in front of me..
Nineteen, twenty one.. Something like that…
Cute, very cute…
Skirt, socks, shoes, all perfect..
Face like a baby…

As I was considering making an approach,
She reaches for the condoms….


Blood rushes to my dick, that’s what I call instant tent.
I rarely have seen such a sight.

The right to reject

Doris, a Friday, three weeks ago.

Am there with one of the Turks, chatting the night away, watching the couple, who are communicating with their hands, guessing that they have not seen their faces yet.

A girl comes and sits half a meter away from me, and starts staring.
For the girl I have zero attraction. Not my type. She’s just not.
I still talk with the Turk.
She motions me to come sit by her.
I motion, I will stay where I am . – Mistake.. I should not have even given recognition to her.
This continues for some time: "come here", … "no thanks…"

I get irritated, leave the table, and in my humanity, I told her good night. So that she knows its time to stop. – Wrong, just leave you stupid dick…

She gets up, goes to my friend, and says:
“You have it easier to score than him”
“You are a better person”

Some more conversation, and my friend’s answers crack me up. But basically he is a better person, and I am an asshole, so he will fuck more women than me. As if I give a shit. I will be happy for my friends getting banged. What do I care?

Anyway, she comes up to me,
“Don’t underestimate people…”

What the fuck.. I am not interested. That is all. All. Just is. I will not fuck you. And my convo with my friend is more fun to me than what you could give. Nor do I have the time. For you..

So I stop her talks,
And answer:

I am not attracted to you. That is all. And I have the right not to be attracted to someone, for whatever reason. And I keep the right not to tell that reason, if it exists. I also can be unattracted for no particular reason, again, I have the right to.

Just like women who are not attracted to some guy, I may not be attracted to some woman, and this just is.
And just like I respect a girl being not attracted in me, for no given reason, I want the woman to respect me not being attracted to her.”

It was a lovely thing to see her face.. Just like the dodo bird. Who got extinct because they loved headlights and got run over by cars. Or, watch ice age.

And this is true.

Monday, November 22, 2004

What lies beneath?

In my four year stay here, I have met countless people…

There is one typical stereotype though.
A type of woman.

Usually beautiful. (Was going to write quite beautiful, but just yesterday learned that quite is actually a negative adjective)
Is perceived as clever, and thinks is clever.
Feels she is a higher being than others.
Likes interacting with people, like the so called deep talk, which, for a guy like me is meaningless, most of the time… (Check the end of the text for this)
Takes good care of herself,
And so the list goes on.

As you may have noticed this is the kind of girl who has a high self-set price, and boosts on being a difficult girl.


A few of these I have met.
And the usual pattern occurs.
Date a guy for some time, measured in months or years,
After the break up, stay single for a few weeks at most,

Then find another guy, another “oh, my big love”, for months…
Break up…
A week or two..
Start another relationship…

What I see in this is the insecurity of a person towards herself..
The need to have a guy to complete her...
An incomplete person…
This is sad.

As these women, with little effort could be so well self-sustaining, that upon entering a man’s life who has reached that level, two fully alive beings would merge in a relationship.

But no, not even taking time to feel alone on this world, and concentrating on their own life, they jump on the next man who meets their standards, and start the game all over.

This is the type of person who marries five times, never feeling fulfilled,
As fulfillment first comes from inside, and is best shared with another fulfilled soul.

A soul which needs another soul to get complete, will not be happy in its own shell, and the search will always continue, as it also will not fulfill the person on the other side.
This, is sad.

And seeing through this image, the woman diminishes into a fleck on the ground; her voice becomes bee buzz, her face transparent.
The sad thing is these people will always be on the lookout, not knowing they are searching for their "selves".

Now back to me.

Am I complete?
Am I aware of that?
Half the problem is knowing it exists.
The rest is understanding and solving it.

Now to the deep talk:

As I said I met countless people here and there… I have been very close friends with fascists, people who would tie a naked man onto a tree in no no-man's land. Met filthy rich spoiled kids... Guys who made miracles with the guitar… Guys who made miracles of themselves… Guys whose only ambition in life would be to get laid… Women who intimidated any and every men they encountered by their open display of power… Men who tried to raise a family with hundred euros a month… People whose talks I had hard time understanding… Guys with left ideals who saw me as a lower being… Guys with right ideas who saw me as a fucking communist… Men who had so much to talk about God... Men who talked why he don’t exist... Men who believed in Satan… Psychologists who analyzed every move of you… Card readers who would give you sleepless nights...

So deep talk exists everywhere…

But few people actually have this deepness. The rest, like the women the story is about, “I like deep talk”, are just doing it for self justification or the reasoning for their existence in their unexacting self. The few who talk deep, you see it in their eyes... In their stance…
In their talk, and in their beliefs…

These people find eachother, and exchange ideas, don’t need to advertise it to the outer world.

These people induce respect in the listener, as their talk is so effective, and if really deep, their talk is open to what you can add to it.

Though I am still a believer of,

Without acting, thinking has no value.
Without acting, living has no value.
And to a lesser degree,
Without thinking, talking has no value.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Italian men, are like men...

In the bar…
Dunno if the girl comes, or if he goes..
But anyway, as I am told, a high initial interest is present,


“Where are you from?”
“You Italian boys always say yes”
“What else are they supposed to say?”
“Do Finnish guys say no?”
“Yes. Sometimes”

Guy leaves.

I wanted to leave this story at that, but then my self righteous side shouted, you gotta write, you gotta write…

In between text:
Usually I do not read what I wrote, except spelling errors. This time the story got stuck in my head. There was something I did not write. Still do not know what this is, but will try to find it, clear the fog in my head.


The idea is summarized in this sentence, and the rest of the text vaguely tries to open it up.

“The challenge must start after feeling there is something to get, and getting a “no”.

Without seeing anything before the “no”, and assuming there must be something underneath that “no”, you will be ending up with nothing, as there is only shit under the horse. Your ultimate failure awaits you” . Says Finndistan

In the dating game, challenge is the most important aspect, true. It is the way you work for something, which creates the pleasure of attaining it.

But, to be a challenge, you need to be shown some qualities, and need to want those qualities.

Being after something just because you don’t get it, without knowing what’s in the package, dooms you for spending a lifetime running after horseshit, just because the shit is in an unreachable place.

The challenge which is spoken for, is the challenge to be after riding the horse. You know it feels good. You know the feeling of galloping on the sand by the sea, on a horse without saddle. You cannot get it. Not now. You work for it. You work for it, because you know the thing you can’t get is at least a ride on a horse. Fast, dangerous, warm, and free… This is the least you will get upon succeeding.

This is the kind of challenge that fills someone’s life. Knowing there is something out there, going for it.
Now you are going to say, you never know what to get.
But you also should know why you are after something.
Life is short.
And I do not have the fucking time to run after a girl, just because she shot me down.
Oh, I will run. And it will be a wham-bam-bye-ma’m. Thing.

She has shown me no quality of herself, except that she can turn away. So, that’s the quality she gets, upon my conquest. Or hers…

This sounds logical thinking. Its not.
This, I observed is how I act, unknowingly.. The explanation follows the act.

Back to flirting and dating.
A woman going for a guy just because he says no.
What quality has he shown?
That’s a two letter word.

That “no” does not tell if he will jump into ice water to save you, or if he will fuck your brains out…
He is a challenge, yes.. But what is the challenge for? A “no”..
Here let me tell about my person.

If I am after a girl. Really after her. It means she has shown me something I want, and can’t get. I have been there. Know there is more to it. Want to spend time in the hunt, and after the hunt.

The girl I will be after till I fuck is the one, who has shown me nothing, but a pair of boobs and an ass, on a face which said no. That is the ego hunt.

And people, without knowing it, making this ego hunt the basis of their flirt-date-sex life, are as I said, doomed to horseshit.

The challenge must start after seeing there is something to get, and getting a “no”.

Without seeing anything before the “no”, and assuming there must be something underneath that “no”, you will be ending up with nothing, as there is only shit under the horse.

Below is the old text.

Just like last Saturday in Doris I saw how a girl – one of the tops in Doris – begged a boy – another top of Doris, at least a good guitar player, and one of the few guys – for a date.. And failed…

This story proves to me that the only thing you need to have in this country to get laid, is the ability to manage to say “hello” and the ability to be not interested. Any other quality you possess is unimportant compared to the being uninterested thing. Even Brad Pitt would be having problems if he would be like he – if he was single – would be with the rest of the world. Interest is a loose loose game here.

Another thing what I have seen is, the really good girls – bitchy, clever, beautiful, loves herself, has a life etc etc –, now for them, the other qualities start getting important, and we are talking about girls which are rare as black sheep.

For the rest women, who have better than average boobs, ass, nose, ear, whatever, only thing which counts is disinterest. Show disinterest, you get laid.

(Ah, for a guy like me, this ain’t working, as I become unapproachable, unattainable, mission impossible :P ) Also, I choose to interact. Play my games by interaction, not by turning my ass.

And I think it comes from the fact that in this place everything is so fast and easy, that people start to get the need to prove themselves they can actually achieve something. And this achievement, turns out to be choosing the challenge based on uninterested guys, rather than choosing the challenge to have good time, whichever way possible.

Now to the story.

Italian. This guy, has lived in challenge with women all his life. Italian women, I know from Turkish, are capricious, difficult, mind fucking, even the best players get fucked over by this kind of woman, who knows the ins and outs of a man. The man begs to hold her hand, a kiss is the step to heaven.

Finnish girl, comes to him, “you wanna fuck”.. Now, this guy will never say no, provided the girl is not too low in his perception of standards. NEVER. Why shall he? It’s free….

Finnish guy. There are the players, and in my opinion, if a guy who sleeps with a different one every week – at some point in a small town, you will loose your pickiness - rejects you, that is an insult to you. If you take that “no” as a good thing, well, keep on being insulted. You are basically insulted by not being accepted into this guys list of women.

Then a guy says no… Well, he possibly is also drunk. These guys have no idea where they are, who they are talking to, who they are themselves. If,… if you are going for that kind of man. You do not exist for me in the first place.

Another no, is simply, he does not like you. That does not show he is a challenge, it just shows he is not into you.. (SATC)…. So simple. Not into you. Possibly that guy said “yes yes yes” to the next girl he talked to.

A no, may also mean. The guy knows he will get sex easily, so why you. Get the fuck out'a' my face. You women are so damn easy, I prefer my beer, which is more of a mission for me than you cunt. Very very nice.


I suspect, a guy who has worked hard to get sex, has learned all the tricks to get to the point, is a better fuck than someone on ten beers, or someone who is so good at picking up women, that he does not even need to have good sex talent (Sebastyne).

Just this wrong image of a challenge… So many good sex opportunities lost.
Yes, challenge, being difficult is important. It is a major player in the game.
But, in my opinion, in Finland, it has moved to be the only one. The God created tactics of the game are meaningless…
Making so many women miss so many good opportunities.

I don’t care for the Italian, or the answer.
It’s just sad to see possibilities passing by in this short life of human beings.
In a country where ten percent of women never had orgasm.. (Durex)
Going for the no, will end you up in sucking dicks all your life, proving yourself you can do it…

Well, let me tell you, it’s not so hard…

Instead of getting banged just on the grass outside of the bar, screaming the hunks name, because he was the one who was the man. Made the first move. Led you to the point. And you did resist the idea “Stop.. He is saying yes.. No good. No good.. AAAAAAHHH YEA”

Well, as I say, this holds for the middle women.. Not the ones who would fuck a flying male fly in their desperation, or the ones which consist the crème de la crème, the latter being the ultimate company for short term or life.

Italy is wonderful, no?

An Italian is visiting Tampere.
Hanging around with us.

In a bar, a girl comes to him,
“Where are you from?”
“Oooooo.. I love Italian food… I love your country… I love your people…”
“Have you been there?”

Monday, November 15, 2004

Drunken women.. Another proof for not even thinking of it.

This proof,

Happens when a woman, drunk, giving you blowjob, you are not sober either, gets up in the middle just when you start getting “good”,

And starts smoking a cigarette.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

How to destroy a flirt with potential...

A good friend invited me over to the opening of the Club…
All the chique(y) people are there…
The bar workers, the “VIP”’s, the alcoholics, normal people, fuck arounds… Most good looking faces of town..

There I meet this DJ I know…
We have a little easy going chat, and at some point, the talk goes to romance,
He says something funny, I reply like,
“Just like you said, we are romantic till for as long as it takes”
And noticed the little chick beside us eavesdropping..

Talked to her, the DJ also talking, that was a thirty second fun on my part, telling how manipulative the guys who use romance are… That it is just to bang her etc…

The DJ saying something,
The girl going “oh”, smiling,
And then me just purely enjoying myself:

“You see, being not romantic, I am not manipulative. I call the girl, bang the girl, and send her back”
Before I continue , don’t fucking get some wrong impression, like “oh he does not do it.”

I do.
And it’s good.
But talking about it,
The girl was gone faster than my eye could follow.

: )

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

The killer conversationalist...

Ukko Nooa,
Two weeks ago, Saturday.
I see the girl who I met in the toilets of Amarillo, some months back.
Let’s call her Amar.

Has the same name as Rabbit.
And actually there was a third girl with the same name; the Italian is after that one.

So, Amar comes to say hello.
Some conversations:


Buddy: Hello, so where did you meet Finndistan?
Amar: We fucked.
Buddy: …………..


Amar: Wanna fuck?
Me: Lets go out, I know a place, close by. We can give the drinks to my friends; they will keep an eye on it…
Amar: What?
Me: Yea, fifteen minutes is all we need ?
Amar: Let’s go to my place.
Me: No.

She did not come. Wanted to go home. I wanted some outside action, and come back to Ukko. So I declined. She declined.


Me, and Rabbit talking, Amar comes, so that Rabbit hears also:

Amar: Finndistan, are you gonna fuck me or her tonight? I need to know, so I can find somebody else.
Finndistan: I told you what I will do and what not.
Amar: If you are not going with me, I will fuck my ex.. But I don’t like him.
Finndistan: Then I can’t help you.


The next week,
Buddy picks up a fight with this girl.
ItalianBuddy is shown two fingers, followed by a “fuck off”

Two weeks later,
Rabbit has a chat with the girl, and as I heard, it really was not in my favor : ) Though I still wonder what was told.

Monday, October 25, 2004

I am just a messenger

This is a friend's mail:


Okay, here it is. Its probably a bit long, so you might want to edit it. And I
would rather that you did not use my name on the website (anonymity is bliss,
specially in as small a place as Tampere).
This is in Ilves Night Club, in the middle of a not-so-cold-just-yet October
night where I was hanging out with friends.

After two very quick beers, I was feeling a bit heady.I needed a break, so I
walked off to a corner by myself. Not long after, I noticed two gypsy women,
very conspicuous with their flowing traditional costumes. I also happened to
notice that they seemed to be talking about me. The talking turned into some
gesticulation and wide-eyed staring at me. And this continued for a while. I
gestured to them, an expression along the lines of "is there a problem?". By
now, I was utterly confused about being subjected to disconcerting stares and
felt very much like an animal in a zoo.

To my relief, the women decided to walk off in another direction, though they
did not stop staring at me every once in a while. I think I was still worried
(and probably more confused than anything else). Sure enough, in about a minute
they were back again.

This time, there was an actual conversation (fortunately by now I know enough
Finnish to have a not-unsubstantial conversation).

Woman1: "Puhutko suomea?" or something like that (Trans: Do you speak Finnish)
Me: "Vähän." (Trans: a little)
Woman2: "Mistä maasta sä oot?" (Trans: which country are you from?)
Me: "Intiasta." (Trans: from India)

At this point, woman2 nods vigorously to woman1 to express "I told you so".

By now, it is dawning on me now that the women are quite excited about meeting
and talking to a real-life Indian (Gypsies are thought to have originated from
India, something not so well known in Finland). But what happened next really,
really confused me.

Woman1: (after further appraising me) "Olet komea mies" (Trans: You are a
handsome man)
Woman2: (giggling) "tosi komea mies" (Trans: Really handsome)

And then, both of them run away. Leaving me confused and relieved. But on
further analysis (which lasted through the night), I figured there could be two
reasons for what happened:

- Skin color (my skin color is not all fair and not all dark, it leaves a lot
of Finns confused: "this guy can't be Mediterranean"). Which would be weird,
because it would be a form of inverse racism.
- Historical context. Perhaps for historical reasons, Gypsies have some
attachment to things Indian (I lay no claim to understanding their culture, I
have only seen one Gypsy movie, with English subtitles, and it was a nice
one). In this case, I regret I wasn't able to ask them more about why they
thought so.

Either way, it made for a sleepless night.

What Am I Supposed To Think?

I think it was last weekend…
We are leaving Ukko Noa, and waiting outside for our Finn to come…
As usual, he is late..

A girl has come to him, and something as written down here has happened:

"Hello, do you have some time to chat?”
“Oh, I was just leaving. Do you know the foreigners who were with me by the table?”

Why this question was asked, I don’t know, I asked, and the reason is still a mystery. The Finn says he was playing Mr. X, and so he played the innocent, not knowing what was going on. So used us as some innocence shield or something.. Really, asked, but did not understand the answer…

But what shall I think about the answer the girl gave:
“Yes, but I did not have sex with Finndistan”

If this girl will be shown to me, she will be banged hard.

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Dogs and cats? Not again....

My very good friend in Turkey had a dog… Lovely bastard that was…
A very good friend in Finland had a dog… Used to walk around when we had sex… No prob… She also had a cat.. The cat was outside most the time…
Three years ago I was in a house with three cats, one of them fucked my nite…

Last week I end up in a house.
Thirty square meters…
Somewhere near peltolammi…
Two dogs and three cats…

As I am fooling around, I have a cat licking my toe.
As we have sex, I suddenly see a dog head emerging from the side of the bed…
As I am lying there, a cat is just rubbing God-knows which part to my leg…

This is still OK…
They are animals in the end.. I don’t care them watching,
As long as none of them go for my balls…

Then at night…

Suddenly wake up with a cat’s belly on your head…
With a dog breathing at your foot…
With a cat, walking gracefully on your blanket…
The same cat making place for her near your belly, just squeezing herself in…

The worst part was when the girl got up to the toilet in the middle of the nite, and stepped on a dog’s tail…

Night was silent…
Suddenly a dog’s shriek, a cry.. loud…

I literally lift off the bed, awaiting an attack…
Heart jumping from forty to hundred and sixty in a second…
Total state of panic, fear and fight…

OK, I do have my problems falling asleep with a girl beside me, am not used to that..
But try sleeping in a fucking zoo…

Saturday, October 23, 2004

Is this real?

Having lunch with my lunchbuddy...
She takes her glass of water, during our pleasant chat,
Puts it to her lip…
Face goes sour… Eyes open disgustedly…
Looks at the glass…

There is some girl’s lipstick on it…

Gets up, going to the restaurant worker, thinking,
“I will complain about this. They ruined my lunch. And stomach’s upset, too… Damn… Will ask her to explain this… Excuse herself…Damn pissed I am.. Disgusting… Can’t they bloody wash the dishes????”

Goes to the counter,
Shows the glass, angry faced:
“Can you explain what this is?”
Answer given in a normal formal way:


The Shorties and Goldies Section

Here we have mini stories, updated as necessary. Short anectodes etc.


A new Turkish guy.. Looking like a Turk comes to town.
“Where are you from?”
Next week, Japanese people come to him,
“Hey, we heard you are from Tokyo”

If he looks Japanese,
I am from Madagascar…


The same guy..
“Where do you come from?”
“I am Turkish, but came from Canada..”
“You are lying… What do you do here?”
“I work for Nokia”
“You are lying”


So, a small pizza kebab place in Tampere:
Italiano Pizza Kebab…

Now, apart from the Kebab in town being a disgrace to the Oriental Food family, since when did kebab become Italian?
Ok, I could argue, Italians are descendants of Turks and German, but this is a disgrace to Kebab…
Italiano Kebab…
Piss off…..


This is another story, but still,
“I am afraid of you, do you want to kill me?”
(Tampere, me, the guy, and the knife pointing to my belly)


Me, and a guy, in a bar, the conversation is as it is here:
He: “What’s your name?”
“Finndistan, yours?”
“Yes. Where are you from? Spain, Italy?”
“No, am German”
“Say, do you have many girls?”


“My husband is here, so can we meet another day? I would like to”
(Tampere, a friend)


After interacting with my friend, she decides to call her exboyfriend...
“You made me horny, I call my ex...”
(Oulu, Tampere, a friend)


Girl: I have read your page..
Me: Good.
Girl: I am surprised to see you have intelligence
Me: Bbub blub blub blub bl.......
(Tampere, Doris, Me)


Girl: What’s your name?
Boy: Ricardo. (Had to change name)
Girl: Oh, you are from Afghanistan?
(Tampere, Ricardo)


A girl told me, after I told her that the spanish, italian and especially french have it tremendously easy in this place to get laid.

“No, no, the girls just want to play with those guys”
As if the boys wish for something else....
(Tampere, me)


My first semester, after a party, with a girl, ask for her phone number, says no, curious, ask why,
“I want to be difficult”
Fine, now she weighs at least twenty kilos more.. Thanx for being difficult!
(Tampere, me)


A girl I am jackassing ‘cause she does not like me flirting with her friend.
“You know your problem is my roots, my nationality” – Because she was quite nice until she learned I was not from Italy, Spain, Greece ,whatever..
“I do not care about your country. My problem is you” – ATTEEEEN-----HUT
“So I am an asshole” – referencing to our previous conv’s..
“Yes. Where are you from, asshole?” – Though was not interested in my country???? Olalala
(Tampere, me)


In the bar, a dark haired guy, a girl comes.. Music’s loud,
“Ola! Ola!”
(Tampere, a friend of mine)


Woman comes to man:
“Do you like big lips or small lips?”
“The pu**y”
“Then I will not fuck you tonite”
(Helsinki, a friend of mine)


“I will not have sex with you, but you can fuck me”
(Tampere, me, a good nite)


Girl having a boyfriend giving blowjob to a friend of mine, not her boyfriend.
Friend wants more,
“Let’s do it”
“Why, I mean you are blowing me”
“Yes, now you are external, sex is internal, I have a boyfriend for that”
(Tampere, a friend of mine)


“You will never get it that the bars are only about sex.”
(Tampere, me, a girl after telling me she loves me)


“We girls are not girls to be loved, we are just to be played with. Play with us.”
(Tampere, me, one of the two girls who ran away when I played : ) )


Two years relationship, no sex, maybe two handjobs.. Am in love, suddenly am downthere, giving her pleasure.. Was my longest try ever.. After she came countless times.. No penetration, of course.. As said, no sex for two years,
“It was fun, but there was something missing”
Guess what???
(Turkey, me, long term girlfriend)


“You should not have done it”
(Turkey, me, same girl, referencing to the tongue works I had done so many times)


A girl I flirted with some time ago.
“Come to me, for one night only. But then you will leave in the morning. Only one night, OK” She says at night,
“Will you call me?” in the morning
(Tampere, me)


In some bar, a friend:
(Tampere, a friend of mine)


One of my friends, a total Turkish Profesional Nazi, an extreme macho, liked to conversate with transvestites. One day in a special bar, he is chatting with one, when a customer arrives, and the (wo)man turns to my friend,
“Ohh sweeetie, I will just give a second (have sex) and come back, just wait here.”
“Bi verip gelecem”
(Turkey, a friend of mine)


“Will you tell my boyfriend I am a good girl??”
The week before I did that, and the couple broke up due to a jealosy crisis of the guy. And this girl has been undressing me for the last hour.. good girl my ass…
(Tampere, me)


I colorado, went with the stage bull.. Three girls approach him,
“Are you french?”
“Oh Noooooo”
(Tampere, a friend of mine)


In any bar, after some conversation
“Where are you from?”
“Noooooo, can’t be”
(Tampere, a friend of mine)


“Hey, what’s up?”
“Nothing you need to know”
(Tampere, a friend of mine – This was like the second best rejection I heard.. Loved it)


In any bar,
“Spanish? – No – Italian – No – Afgani – No – Greek – No – Where from?”
“Germany, Turkey…”
Her friends overhearing,
“Eiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii” – translation : “nooooooooooooooooooo”
(Tampere, me)


“Where are you from?”
“Gana (or India – both happened)”
“Oh niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice” – In a tone a mom talks to the kid
(Tampere, friends)


Friday, October 22, 2004

Drunk Women, yes... or no???

Two parts:

Click to go to part two.

Part one:

I am leaning to the bar with my friends on Saturday night,
A girl comes by, I give her eye contact… she stops…
So I introduce her to my friend, but I get total interest from the girl..
My friends leave…
It’s not late yet..
Around twelve.. Early..
I start chatting with the girl…
A little belly…
And turns out she is thirty two..… I thought late twenties.. Blame it on make up…
She wants to touch my face, but that is only permitted for a girl I am kissing.. Nobody else touches my face.. I really get pissed off…
Told her not to..
She tried, I declined, and she got the message…
A little more chat, and I get her dancing in front of me, enjoying every second of the sight…
The whole chat takes about a quarter an hour, my friends getting the message in the first minute, left already…

In the meantime, she has my hand in hers, and put it up to kiss it… Booomm… That is a no no.. No woman kisses my hand other than foreplay… In foreplay you can paralyze me by that, but not in a bar.. Where I know I have the power over the girl, and nothing will happen…

Gets the message…

Her hand starts caressing my chest, my belly, and me the pleasure seeker, enjoy that too.
Mentions her sister, a little talk about her, and I actually see the possibility of a threesome with two sisters.. But still..
The nite is early, and I am not going to spend it with her…
Ask for her number, get it, she says please call me…
I call her, as I said, on Tuesday, and here is the answer:

“I’m so sorry, I was very drunk last Saturday, and I didn’t know what I was doing.. So I don’t want to meet, or keep any contact with you, Sorry!”
At this message I knew I had a story, so I wanted more info which I can write down,
“Funny. Sad that you were drunk. Maybe sad maybe good, that I did not exploit that. But tell me one thing: Why the change?

Answer came:
“I don’t have any explanation. I just don’t want to meet you. So, please, don’t contact me”
Now I am wondering, do Finnish women get drunk to justify their fast and easy sex, to find an excuse for the idea of themselves being a slut?

Click to go to Part two – just got inspired


After mentioning the SMS in the DRUNK WOMEN story, commenting at the end,
I got these three mails as reply from friends..

“They are..
Meeting today the redhead,, 1st she got interested, then she thought I'm a player/looking for 1 nights, then she seems interested again.. Random mind?


Non Finn:

“C'mon *****... from which planet are you coming? Are you sure you are Finnish? that your parents didn't adopt you? :-)
... normal behaviour... As I said, women are afraid to be happy! they can not admit that we know what is best for them :-)”

Another non-Finn:

“Hmmm.. these girls ! It's like they are in some kind of " Stupidity contest" just as you start to think you've seen the worst they hit with another hard stupid ball.... f....k”

Simple man’s mind….

Drunk women, part two

So to repeat myself,
Do Finnish women get drunk to justify their fast and easy sex?

This is the second part of this story

Is being drunk an excuse for fucking around?
All over the world, it is said,
“He just swept me over my feet”
“He was so irresistible”
Here, is it said:
“I was so drunk” ???

Take the prechristmas parties…

So many rape complaints given after these parties against colleagues the women have slept with… After some investigation, it turns out it was sex wanted by both parties, and a little alcohol… In the morning, the wife has to explain the husband why she fucked that cute twenty-five year old paperboy… So, go to police, to cover up.. Or say she was drunk…

Countless times, I refused a beautiful woman’s sex offer, because she was drunk, and upon later communication, they had boyfriends… I could’ve.. I didn’t…

I should’ve…
But then, poor boyfriends…
God only knows who else has been in that woman while she was drunk… Or where he has been when he was drunk…

I also drink.. But I still have blood, not alcohol in my blood.
Over thirty bottles of high quality – also some high percentage- alcohol in my house is my witness…

I used to have this principle,
Never fuck a drunken girl..

I know guys.. Finns and foreigners…
One even said,
“Drunken girl is best…
She comes, passes out.. I fuck her.. And sleep…”
Ah, and he is from one of these countries which are supposed to have the romantic lovers…. Not Middle East or Russia…

A Finn:
“Drunken woman is good…
You fuck her, put her in a cab, pay the cab…
Go sleep.. She won’t remember”
And this was a guy considered nice and cute by ladies… Not in town anymore…

Once, I saw a friend, girl from the gym, in a bar..
We had been flirting for half a year or so,…
I walked her home, and she invited me in… Sex was incredible.. I was not drunk…
In the morning.. She wakes up..
“What are you doing here?..... Oh I’m glad it is you”…. Boooom…

But then after some more observation, I found out that.
- Women drink to get laid.
- If you don’t have sex with them that night, you lost your chance….
- The idea, don’t fuck drunken women, is against the rules here.

All of them drink…
As I said, I believe its self excuse, self justification, for the seemingly committed sins… No woman, not even in this place where women have total independence, wants to be called bitch or slut…

So, you were drunk.. It was not your fault.. You knew not what you were doing… Was the sex good?... Oh yea… But I don’t remember…. Hmm… Alcohol…

One thing I wonder though is
What is the point in having sex, if you can’t remember it?
What is the point in having sex, if you have to find excuses?

And decision has been made…
Drunken women are back in the list…
Gotta give them what they want.


Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Fuck around.. Ok.. But giving false hopes???

Walking in the bar, on Saturday, I met a girl I knew from summer…
She stopped me, and told me one of her customers had mentioned me..
The customer being one of the exceptional women I have met in my life…

Anyway, after some chat, me, the asshole said why not, and inquired if she will answer this time if I call.. She shaked her head, no…

Some background:
Met her in summer… Good chat.. Clever girl.. And cute…
Refused my invitation to go swimming, but gave me her number..
She was seeing someone, possibly a fuckbuddy who was jealous…
Seemingly, he treated her bad.. Put her down.. Insulted her… And she was still seeing him..
I should’ve seen the signs, and exit.. But a if man smells pussy, its hard to leave…
Anyway, so after some messaging, it turned out we will not meet.. Fine… A little less salt in my soup…

Saw her couple of times in a bar, always she said hi, especially if I was having fun with a good looking girl at the time… Of course.. Ego trip… Social proof.. Beauty proof… So predoctable and see thru… What the hell, hi…

The present:
So she said, she has a boyfriend..
I said, the one from summer?
Oh no, that was a jerk… - No kiddin…. Women and having no clue… Though another sign or me not to excuse myself for my behaviour… I am an ass… So what… Anyway…

She was in Turkey for a holiday…

A-ha… I thought, there it goes.. another bastard to move into the country… A two weeks summer fuck, then marry and come to Finland… Then, knowing Turks only from the beach gigolos, tell me you Turks are like this, you Turks are like that…

Turns out I was thinking too fast…
He is no Turk.
She met him in Turkey, but a Bulgarian, who is going to visit her…. In two weeks…

So, a guy, who is going to fly two thousand kilometers…
There is a promise of monogamy in that. At least given by her…
If the guy is no multimillionaire, he won’t fly that distance for a fuck…

She has made promises… or shown them… As, possibly he, independent of where he is working, is looking for a way out to this stable economy.. And thinks serious. Very serious… Here he is not the white sheep, no no, he is black as coal, - please don’t go making analogies to black men.. I am using the white sheep, black sheep thing.. Ok? – but then, he is not the topic here.

Two hours later…
She asked a hunk for a dance, was in his throat on the second verse of the song…

A-ha… This is called having a boyfriend who she loves, who will visit her, I thought, smiled to myself… Poor boy.. Has not seen hell yet…

Another lesson.
Just another lesson…

Seriously, for the ones now sarcastically thinking rejection affects a man, have to say that the realization that I got a story to write was more effective than being turned down.. I was happy for that.. And me smiling up of the dancefloor, crooked, as usual, with my thumbs in my pockets, thinking what to write proves that.. Good feeling.. Back in business..

Monday, October 18, 2004

Women with baggage.... Do I have to be nice?

I have a skirt fetish…
Especially when there are boots below the skirt…
And a plus is a beautiful face on a very good body…

She was walking behind me..
I said to her something which I can’t make public as I use it often.. And works like a charm..
In this case almost backfired…
See her again, me, in the have fun mood, went with the same approach…

She is twenty seven…. She is a nice girl… I am scary.. She is a waitress… She likes her hair, and mine… No, she won’t give me her number… She is a good girl… Goes out only once in two months or so… Oh, she won’t tell me where she works…

Only five minutes…
She attacked my lips….. My hair… My back.. My chest… Lets herself be pressed between me and the wall….
It was a pickup, to be put in the Bible…
Took her number and exited…

Unlucky for me, I saw her again.. So we sat down.. More kissing etc…
And hour later.. around two thirty…
“Do you like children?”
“Yes but, don’t wanna have one”
“I have one”

“So if I go home now, will you call me?”
“Yes, but I have to say I don’t date..”, I said.
“If I come to your place and just sleep?” – I know we would have fucked, but I have no time for these games… go home.. chat till seven.. then try to have half asleep sex.. not for her.

“Look, if you are gonna come now to my place, knowing I will not sleep, let’s go… If you want to sleep, I will leave now, get to my friends…”

That was the end..
I lost my mood…
And I left.

Do I have to be nice because she has a child?
The father of the kid has not been… Do I have to give special treatment?

I felt like sex.
Not a relationship with baggage.
I did not get what I wanted.
Honest and brutal I left…
My mistake, that I lost the rest of my night due to loosing my temper,
To the fact that she expected me to want a relationship with her – some said things not written here…
To the fact, I was about to go for a very cute volleyball player before I saw her the second time…

Most of all, to the fact, that a perfect pickup was wasted….

Sunday, October 17, 2004

Who is racist? Who is aggressive?

One night.. There is Boomi party in Panama..
I go there, get bored, decide to go home…
On the way, I check Emma…

The minute I am in, a fight breaks out..
Some Finns against a Turk, two Bosnians, and one or two Arabs…

The fight ends fast, as the non-Finns dominate the fight well ahead, I just sit and watch, just like other non Finns waiting if their help is needed…
It is not…
The Finns are thrown out,
After ten minutes, I go to the guy I know, talk to him..
The reason for the fight, is that a fin with backup goes up to them to say:

“Vitun Neekeri” – Fucked up nigger….

What man, you looking for death or something?

And then it’s the foreigners who are aggressive, hostile etc…
To consider that guys were still white skinned… Wonder what the Africans go through…

Its time to turn the mirror to yourself, for some Finns…
Finland may be in top ten in per man national income, may be highest in woman rights, may be highest in quality of education,

But also one of the highest in
The own country’s named said on TV, “Finnish chicken, Finnish airline, Finnish made this Finnish made that…”
Unprovoked violence…
Court orders for keeping safe distance..
Families keeping their phone numbers secret…
Per man crime…
Family violence…
Alcohol induced illness/death…
Number of women without experiencing orgasm in their life –

Number of youngsters carrying STD’s – from

Finland is not hell, no way, I appreciate what has been done in this God Forsaken geography, but please stop this thing about Finns being the best people in the world..

You are human…
Just as we are.

Women not used to laugh...

Wondered after Saturday…
When I saw this chick from the gym,
Who had high interest in me, a few months ago, until she learned she could not possess me… Me, still would bed her…

She had a friend with her…
I had my friends sitting on the table behind me…
A little alcohol and two “Captain Black, Sweet” cigars I had...
Good mood…

From the point I met the ladies, and got introduced to the friend, it has been constant laughter... Non stop for more than a quarter an hour…
We were standing by the bar...
Girls on the other side eyeing me all the time – of course, the moment I leave the girls, my value will be down again... I know it, I accept it... It’s the game…

The girls with me, laughing, punching me...
Telling me I am rude...
So what... you like it...

I started getting curious when the ladies started telling me I am weird…
I was making them laugh… their whole body shaking… Would be loud if they would have the bells for cows on their necks…
And that made me weird…
Told me at one point I am a clown...

I said, the difference between me and a clown is that, a clown takes his business seriously, but I take my business, them, not seriously... Hands up, Thanx god..
Another wave of laughter…

Imitating a Finnish player…

First laughter... Then “no.. we don’t do that kind of guy”
More imitation, and then laughter, and “yea you are right”
And more I am weird’s….

This tells a lot to the eye which analyses, the gut which feels…
The thing about humor is that, it works like unplayed self esteem…
If a girl cannot look behind the requirements of humor – social proof, social courage, good mood, being content with oneself, having found peace, self esteem, self love, love for others etc etc…
Only thing she will see, is “this guy is trying to make me laugh”…
A guy who is trying… That is a no… no…

Only the girls who have the higher self esteem, can take it as a challenge, can know that a guy with humor is not necessarily a weak man, compared to the guy on the corner playing the player.. Only a girl with high self esteem has the courage to look past the laughter.

And only a girl with self esteem busts back. The ultimate conversation.

Only the girls with the perception know that the guy with humor is not entertaining the girls, he is entertaining himself.. The girls are just a décor on the stage – I myself have a few exceptions, who usually are the top girls in any environment when I meet them, most importantly, through my eyes… And the women’s, who are jealous of her, of me, the men who stare like hungry foxes… Bla bla bla…

With them the humor is shared…
Interesting that humor is taken as weird…
Life is too short..
Too short to get a girl by playing hard to get..
I am hard to get…
For many girls, mission impossible..
For the rest, mission impossible, if what I want is not what they want..
But on the way, I am going to have my fun. And fun means laughter. If I laugh, I do not laugh alone.

I am weird.
Enjoy it while you can.

A country obsessed with gigolos

Boomi party,

See this girl from gym... Actually she saw me… At sports I do not look around much.. It’s me and the bar… And music… I feel good…

On the way home, she asked me
“Are you training fro some kind of sports?”

Apart that I do some martial art stuff, play tennis, jog, swim, like sailing etc.. I train for myself, for the good feeling…
“No why?”
“Just wanted to know why you train”
“Why do you train?”
“For myself”
“So, I can’t train for myself? For my pleasure, for the feeling?”

“That is so Gigolo like”
“Voi vittu” …………………………What the fuck?........

Saturday, October 16, 2004

VIP, a misfuck

This country is cold...
This countries main single attraction is bars...
Bars have entrance fees and queues…
The booze is expensive…

If you observe in a bar, you will see many girls flirting with the bouncers – seen all over the world – but many just stay as a flirt, many don’t…
Especially bouncers, not bartenders…
Bouncers control the door, the entrance, the queue and the fee…

In many bars, you will find underage girls, flirting with the bouncers…
Apart from the bouncer being a manly figure, smelling of danger and excitement, more important is that he controls the door..
Free entrance, fast entrance…

In a country where taxi drivers get laid by women who have emptied their pockets for booze… A fuck which is worth around fifteen euros… what do you expect… three free entrances have a higher value…

And you fuck one bouncer, his friend grant you entrance too… One bouncer many bars..
Good deal…
And here is a conversation in a column of the City Magazine of Helsinki:

Girl: Hello Max, I have a question.
Max: Go on, and ask it..
Girl: I want a VIP card to Helsinki Club.
Max: And?
Girl: And I fucked the bouncer to get one of those.
Max: Helsinki Club has no VIP card, by the way.

: )

Update: The Bar mentioned here is wrong. Memory problems...

Player meets the bitch – Reloaded '

This happened three weeks ago...

So the girl from Player Meets the Bitch..
Is walking past me, stops..
I don’t remember now, but something like..
“You are an asshole…”
“Huh?.. Hi, btw…”
“you left me all alone there that nite”
“Hey hey… hold on there… you were the one to tell me to fuck off, then ignore me…”
“no you left..”
“after your behavior.. do you think I will get down on my knees and beg? C’mon.. where do you live…”
“no you left..”
“fuck it.. I left, because you fucked me off… I had such a great night, until you fucked it up.. Now don’t tell me it was me who left..”
“no, I did not.. You just got up and went away…”
“now lady… listen.. this happened – tell her the story what happened – “
“you bastard… don’t lie…”
“why the fuck shall I lie… this is like it happened.. now if you don’t remember, it’s your fucking problem” – I am so pissed off… As I really had a very good evening till she freaked out…
“you are an asshole…. You are lying…”
“Get away from my face… And come back when you remember the fuck you did….”

On wolf, sheep and rabbits...

Upon a mail I got from a lady I have been after for two years, and who has been here a couple of times, it popped into my head...

Sheep in wolf skin…

What is this?

First of all…

Is a hunter…
Knows where he stands…

Is not afraid to move.. On the contrary, needs to hunt, to survive… Instincts are to find prey,… to survive… And is a pack animal, sometimes leader in the pack, though all have leader qualities, and challenge each other for leadership, and occasionally chooses solitude…

Sheep and bunnies….
Sometimes called the hunted..

Need acknowledgement from society.. .A pack animal… Not self dependent… Basic instinct is to survive by not being consumed.. Afraid of power… Worships power… Follows power… Real power frightens, but faked power is accepted…

Many like to become the wolf, but the security of their surroundings are hard to turn back to and leave…

What is all this bullshit?

Lately I have realized, I like to go for women who have high self confidence… Who have a high standing… Whose physical, social and emotional status is challenging for me…
Ok, I also have the ones which are not like this.. Call, have sex, goodbye…

The challenging women, I like to call, like to talk to, like to sleep with, spend the nite.. Joke.. Have fun, touch.. Feel them… Not knowing if I will see them again.. They not knowing me… A challenge on every time…

Women, who are scary for other men, unattainable…
Women, who are not scared of projected calmness, excitement, weakness, fear, self esteem, power, lust, passion, choice, awareness…
Women who take a man following their instincts, knowing it, liking it…
Women, who are the wolf..
A kind knows the other…
And wolf suits wolf…
When the hunter hunts the hunted, who, in turn, is a hunter, hunting the hunted…
Two lions sharing the same bed..
Vicious, hard, dangerous…

Bunnies are consumed, even though they have fun and the wolf has fun… Its nature.. Wolf eats meat.
Wolfs are enjoyed, lust and pleasure on both sides…
And wolf is not afraid of wolf – did I say that?

But bunnies, women with lower self esteem, sheep, they are afraid, they get scared, they, if realize, are afraid to be consumed, devoured by the carnivorous, lust seeking wolf.
Bunnies rather fall for the sheep with wolf skin, as it is easy to see through the false projection.. The eyes say the truth… Bunnies know they can cope with that…

Dunno.. kinda got lost writing this…
One thing to end this lost text:
Wolf is not cruel.. as wolf needs no proof for his ego…
Sheep, bunnies, they are cruel, they need proof they exist.. On the expense on whoever’s available…
Cruelty does not affect the wolf.. A wolf says, prey with foul meat not worth consuming.. Choose another…
That is another reason why bunnies dislike the godlike wolf, as they cannot affect him.
Same for male bunnies.
So in the end,

Solution for a wolf, find a wolf..
Just like an eagle not feeling to deal with pigeons…
A hunter who is hunted has the joy of being hunted. As he is hunting the same time.
It’s a war.
Lust and pleasure being the outcome.

(Update the next evening:)

So, I wrote the above, read it again, have to admit, it is quite confusing.


Even though most women want a man who is a man, the fear him.. His independence, his self assuredness, his power.

The only ones which can handle a man, are the ones which are not afraid… May be nose up, may not be nose up – as I considered nose up women having their nose up just to prove their self esteem to themselves…. Still… - these women are a scarcity.

Solution for these guys, is to be selective, only go for the top of the pyramid.

Your range gets so much smaller, in the bar environment, while a normal guy can hit on twenty girls, this guy only can four, maybe five… With much much higher rejection possibilities.. But experience has shown that, women with a self esteem, not close to the guy, or higher, will cause troubles at the first occasion, fucking up a night/week/month…

The wolf – wolf thing is this.

You need to play in your league or higher…

Lower league – not talking about looks or intelligence, intelligence btw, ranking lowest in the survey, talking about self esteem – is a no no for someone with higher s.e., as the interaction is destined to fuck up. So, a wolf has the best time with a wolf, tiger etc, not a bunny, rabbit…

Chicks are good though ?

Chicky chick chick…

Monday, September 27, 2004

A blue balls story

All the foreigners I’ve talked to know the blue ball issue...
Most Finns don’t…

Anyway, back to Turkey.
First year.

Am staying with a friend.
Dating this girl… Ohhh… She kisses so sweet…
Two years older than I am, dated a guy for three years before me…
So, I think, she is not virgin, YEEEAAAA…

She was…. ---- I started quite late.. God made me meet all virgins in town… -

Comes to my place one nite…
Instantly takes my pants off…
Starts sucking…
Whoaaaa…. She sucks for half an hour; I am jumping up and down.. Shaking all the way… Man what a pleasure, but that’s too much, I can’t come…
How much I try, she does not continue…
So, me and my hard dick pass the night pressed against her buttocks…

In the morning, we take a bus to school…
On a bumpy road…
On my left, my flatmate, on my right, the girl…
Flatmate knows the situation…

On every bump, I go:
“Ahh.. Uhh” damn pain in my balls… Women don’t know that,
Sadly don’t respect that…

The girl looking at me:
“What is wrong darling?”
“My back..”
My flatmate beside me, laughing to death…. Holding his stomach…

The fact that the driver turned and looked at me, then at the girl, then at me,
And had this pity look on his face…
That was something you do not come across everyday…

Proof: Hidden racism

The scene: Ilves Nightclub

Time: 25.09.2004

Actors: Me – Me. Me.
Blondie – Gorgeous blonde, from stories: I am patient, and some other story which I do not remember the name of...
Playa – A friend, low profile hunter. Finnish
Cockblock – Playa’s friend, wise man, good conversation. Finnish

The play:

Me is leaving the bar to go to some other place, Ilves is too old, and there are some people he does not want to see. On the way, I see a known face, a guy who I just met for ten minutes two months ago, when he came to a job interview. Start chatting,
Blondie passes.
Damn Blondie.
Its like one of the situations, two people get turned on the instant they see eachother, but never manage to get together.
We start chatting..
She excuses herself for not dropping by at four pm in my place, like arranged, three months ago… She met somebody that nite… Well I met, too, but was home before four..
Told me she read my site, and is pissed and amused at the same time, will write me a mail..
Told her she is not trustable, unreliable, and freaky.
The freaky word, she understood as:

Fun conversation,
Told me she is with two guys, rather handsome, but taken.
I smiled. Half smile.
Got to hear, I am gorgeous.. Which I know she feels like.
Told her she is gorgeous. Which she knows is true.

Then Cockblock comes.
A friend, who is supposedly to be a friend, etc.
A little chat with the girl in English, realizing they know eachother, a little fun there.
Then we continue chatting with the Blondie…


“Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don’t just say
And nothing else matters”… playing on my speakers… shit… - check out: Second time tears flow


Cockblock is listening in, and the conversation is going on between two people who have met years ago, have a background, based solely on sexuality. Does not like it.

Playa enters the scene,
Cockblock desperately tries to introduce the Playa to the girl, Playa is uninterested. Leaves.
Cockblock leaves.
Our convo continues,
Cockblock comes back..
Speaks something to the girl in Finnish – I have reasons for my paranoia on such an incidence,

Playa comes,
Some more desperate attempts to introduce the girl to him… Trying to take the girl away from me, oh I am sooo bad, into the hands of a hunter, somebody I have the honor to have as a competitor, a rival.

Girl leaves..
I ask Cockblock to translate what they spoke with the girl. He just smiles.
Says somethin’ irrelevant.


Made the mistake of choosing a girl over a guy.


In such an occasion, I do not choose the girl, who I do not know in person, I choose the guys who I call friends, or friends' friend..


Moral of story:

Even Fins who could be called friends are hidden racists when it
comes to Finnish women.
And you know what,.... that saddens me deeply.


Update: As it seems, booze, tiredness and noise may have caused some misunderstandings, so this story may be obsolete. If it is, will update it.


The said words in Finnish were not what I thought, but the actions done were done, so I do not see the need to change this story.

Second time tears flow

Ukko Noa.
Two weeks ago Saturday.
Goodbye party to Topo.
Heavily drinking.
Stand there, Me, Buddy, Topo…

On my right chatting with her friends is Rabbit, the brat who fucks my mind : ) In a good way, I mind you…
On my left, people are passing,


“So close no matter how far
Couldn’t be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live …………………………”


I feel my eyes fill…
My hands shake…
My legs loose power…
My stomach hurts….
And there go the tears…

First one…
Then the second…
Then the flow……

Buddy looks at me, I just smile, full eyes, wet cheek,
Topo looks at me, knowing, he touches my shoulder.

Why again?

Reason: -

Click on the image. Or here

It is a short movie clip,
with audio,
Pay attention to the background music.

WMV format,
size: 1.1 mb.

Should be no problem in playing it.

The whole week I was digitizing old family movies. Ten years old, even older…

The downfall of the energizer bunny

Two weeks ago.

My best friend in the country, my fourth brother, my mentor, my neighbor, was going to leave the country, back home.
So, we spend a week out…
And that week, I slept with three girls I did not know before.
So, three girls… a very good week…
A trip for my body, a trip for my soul, and a trip for my ego.

Then on Sunday,
I call this girl which I hoped to see on Saturday night– did not, saw somebody else.
On the sunday call I did not even get shot down.
She was just busy, on a dinner, a little misunderstanding, too tired both, no argument, no fuck offs, just that I could not see her.

Whole psychology broke down. After some messaging on Monday, and a phone talk, it went worse…
I could not get to myself the whole week….

A sign that what I feared had come true… Then some news on the weekend. A sign that I must embrace that what I feared, or walk away. Both requiring extreme sacrifice and courage.
Still to be decided….


Sunday, August 08, 2004

Women and power

Actually I thought to put this into “Why the fuck shall I say hi” story, as an add on,

Changed my mind…
I do not know if I had written about that girl…
Winter time, I met her in BeBop…
The type of girl, who is not beautiful, but smells of sex… Tall, well built, well dressed, and knowing it…

The first thing she told me after the “hi” was to get her a drink.
My usual answer.
She shall turn around, ask the guy to buy her a drink, then she may turn back, and we can talk.

She almost fell down the chair...
Sad thing is she had a boyfriend for eight years or so,
And somewhere she started bitching around…
So I decided to use her as advertisement… Against my second image, the gay…

Dancing on some small stage under the Elvis statue, I was grinding two girls, watching the smooch… Oh that was a sight…
After that, I kindda sticked to my honor, and did not let myself be affected from the bitchiness, I plainly enjoyed myself…
No please dance with me’s… No, let’s go’s…

I saw her somewhere later… Nod nod…

And yesterday, saw her again…
Looking in her eyes, my lips closed, smiling on one side. That actually I realized later… And that is what I called the crooked smile.
She looked back. Looked to my lips.. Looked at me…
She got the puppy look…
Made a move to say hi… As I did not move.. Decided… Continued looking while walking past…
Puppy eyes saying please say a hi…
Not to you my girl.. Not to you…
On the dancefloor, dances with three girls, and positions them so she faces me…
I just laugh.


Are so easy when a guy shows they have no power on him…
Just so damn easy….
That is, if they don’t get manphobia…

Have to admit, vice versa is also true…

There is nothing sexier than a girl acting instinctively as: I want you, I’ll get you, and I am free……