Saturday, November 27, 2004

Thursday night, 05.15 A.M.

That night, after my visitor left, watched a manga, and went to bed around twelve..
At some point, was dreaming about flirting with two girls, and having good time…

Suddenly, in my sleep, I hear the phone ringing, I answer the call,
My mother is talking to me,
“Your father wants to talk to you. He is not feeling very well”
Before I could ask what is wrong, where they are, etc, I wake up, full of sweat, my eyes getting wet, shaking all over.

Look at the phone, its 05.15 am. Dark and cold outside. No missed call, or no message.
Cannot call home at that time, so I have to wait till seven…
A very long wait that was, though I fell asleep in the end, called home when I woke up, and all was fine.

I wish from God, he shall not give this kind of dream, not even to my enemy.

P.S.: I am known for waking up to strange events.

Year 1999. Am in Germany. Middle of the night. Wake up to no reason. Go to the window, look out, thinking “What the fuck is wrong again?”, when half a minute later, the fire station alarm goes off, calling for the voluntary firemen.

Year 2000. Ankara. Sleeping. Wake up. No need to pee. No need to drink water, but cannot sleep back. A minute later, an earthquake of 4.5 hits.

Year 1999. Everything is ok, except, I am having insomnia. Three days later, my uncle dies during an operation. I did not even know he was going to have an operation.

The time 5.15 is interesting, as I made a heavy accident seven years ago, at 04.15, and my brother was born fourteen years ago, 06.15…
As my family is ok, I wonder what news I will receive in the evening.
I hope they are good.

So, date is 30.11.2004

News came in that an exceptional person, one of the few in town who I care about, needs to see the neurologist, due to a never ending headache…

Fuck… My stomach is upside down.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Man.. My memory has tricked me

This girl.. I met her two years ago, had e few good nights, and then I did not call, she did not call…
Sometime later, we met in a bar, ended up in her place, later no calls…

I guess a month or so ago, I meet her in Doris. They were three girls. Have a good night, and throughout the night, her friends were trying to get her away from me.
In the end, we are walking home, the two other girls try unsuccessfully to stop us, and get her to their place..
This even continues in front of the girls’ apartment, which is on my way…
One of the girls tells me that my girl, the brunette has told them to get her away from me, if she ends up with me…
They do not succeed…
Even when I am home, naked, serving, and being served, her phone rings…
That was that night.

Go to Doris this weekend,

The girl is there, too, I say hi, a smile, and continue.
Who is this gorgeous blonde, sitting on a stool at the exit of the men’s toilet?
See the blonde later by the dance floor, have some chat, as we are going to sit down, she says she will tell her friends where she is going, well, without sitting down, she gets lost.
Nice bitchblock, I think.

Later that night, I see the blonde, and tell her it was funny the way she changed her mind upon talking to the girls.
Oh, no.. Her friends don’t control her… I am just not her type… - Well, the fact she was going to sit down with me, before talking to her friends, tells me otherwise…

Even later I learn the reason, why I am not her type..

She was actually one of the girls who was trying to keep the brunette away from me and failed.
She knew me.
But I had forgotten about her.
My memory is a bitch.

***Though I know, without her friends around, she is mine.

My references are good, and she has seen my influence on her friend with her own eyes.

Curiosity kills the cat.

The night I almost had a knife in my belly

This is one thing in Finland.
You can kill someone, just don’t drive a car when drunk.

Happened last winter.
Was out with the Indian, and two Italians.

And the Indian is famous for having friendly relationships with the psychos and bitches in town.
So a friend of him comes to us, I am on a no drink night.
Friend offers drinks, I decline nicely, the other Italian is enjoying free booze.

We leave the place to go to some other bar..
I am walking with the friend, a few steps behind others, chatting away.
The friend offers me a cigarette, I cannot decline anymore, and it is cold anyway..
One puff, and I feel warmer.

“Are these your friends” he asks
“Yea, good guys” I say,
“I am afraid” he says…
“What for I ask”
“I am afraid”
“Yea, for what?” – still have the picture in my mind..

“You will kill me”

“What are you talking about?”
“You will kill me”
“You are my friend, I don’t kill my friends”
“No, I am afraid”
“Hey, I want my friends with me, not in grave.”

He holds my hand and I turn around,
“Will you kill me” he says,
“I will not kill you” I say, and he motions down

I look down, and there it is. A knife just a cent away from my belly.
Take his hand, gently,
“Hey, I will not kill you, nor do I want to kill you. You are the friend of my friend”
“I am afraid”
“Look, I told you, you are my friend. It is a good night, let’s go into the bar, and have a drink. Ok?”

So we went into the bar.

To say the truth, a knife in a fight is something you don’t want to mess with. A friend in fight with fists will get my assistance. With a knife, haven’t been in that situation where a friend was threatened, I possibly would hesitate, but still the outcome I cannot speculate about. Help, is in the code of man, though.

Humans show their real face in crisis.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

A friend’s mail… Godsent…

I got this mail from a friend one noon, and the last sentence is as if said by Descartes…

Below, “Me” stands for my friend, “K.” :

“After getting bored and reading some stories at finndistan this morning, I wanted to write some stuff happened in the past couple weeks:
Happened in Helsinki to U. and me

U.: Why Finnish girls are so scared of talking to strangers
Girl1: well, typical Finnish girl is shy, I am very open compared to others that's why I am talking to you

U.: woov, thanks a lot for talking to me
Me: tell me about Finnish ladies
Girl1: well I dunno I am not typical Finnish

Thirty mins later another girl
Me: tell me about Finnish ladies
Girl2: well I dunno I am not typical Finnish

An hour later another one
Me: tell me about Finnish ladies
Girl3: well I dunno I am not typical Finnish

"Tell me about Finnish ladies" is not a good conversation starter for Finnish ladies

Conclusion2(as A. (editor’s note, this A. is not me, sadly) pointed out):

Being not a typical Finnish is a typical Finnish thing


One of the sexiest sights

I am visual...

Early autumn…
A long day after work..
Tired after sports…

Am in the queue for the cashier.

There is this girl in front of me..
Nineteen, twenty one.. Something like that…
Cute, very cute…
Skirt, socks, shoes, all perfect..
Face like a baby…

As I was considering making an approach,
She reaches for the condoms….


Blood rushes to my dick, that’s what I call instant tent.
I rarely have seen such a sight.

The right to reject

Doris, a Friday, three weeks ago.

Am there with one of the Turks, chatting the night away, watching the couple, who are communicating with their hands, guessing that they have not seen their faces yet.

A girl comes and sits half a meter away from me, and starts staring.
For the girl I have zero attraction. Not my type. She’s just not.
I still talk with the Turk.
She motions me to come sit by her.
I motion, I will stay where I am . – Mistake.. I should not have even given recognition to her.
This continues for some time: "come here", … "no thanks…"

I get irritated, leave the table, and in my humanity, I told her good night. So that she knows its time to stop. – Wrong, just leave you stupid dick…

She gets up, goes to my friend, and says:
“You have it easier to score than him”
“You are a better person”

Some more conversation, and my friend’s answers crack me up. But basically he is a better person, and I am an asshole, so he will fuck more women than me. As if I give a shit. I will be happy for my friends getting banged. What do I care?

Anyway, she comes up to me,
“Don’t underestimate people…”

What the fuck.. I am not interested. That is all. All. Just is. I will not fuck you. And my convo with my friend is more fun to me than what you could give. Nor do I have the time. For you..

So I stop her talks,
And answer:

I am not attracted to you. That is all. And I have the right not to be attracted to someone, for whatever reason. And I keep the right not to tell that reason, if it exists. I also can be unattracted for no particular reason, again, I have the right to.

Just like women who are not attracted to some guy, I may not be attracted to some woman, and this just is.
And just like I respect a girl being not attracted in me, for no given reason, I want the woman to respect me not being attracted to her.”

It was a lovely thing to see her face.. Just like the dodo bird. Who got extinct because they loved headlights and got run over by cars. Or, watch ice age.

And this is true.

Monday, November 22, 2004

What lies beneath?

In my four year stay here, I have met countless people…

There is one typical stereotype though.
A type of woman.

Usually beautiful. (Was going to write quite beautiful, but just yesterday learned that quite is actually a negative adjective)
Is perceived as clever, and thinks is clever.
Feels she is a higher being than others.
Likes interacting with people, like the so called deep talk, which, for a guy like me is meaningless, most of the time… (Check the end of the text for this)
Takes good care of herself,
And so the list goes on.

As you may have noticed this is the kind of girl who has a high self-set price, and boosts on being a difficult girl.


A few of these I have met.
And the usual pattern occurs.
Date a guy for some time, measured in months or years,
After the break up, stay single for a few weeks at most,

Then find another guy, another “oh, my big love”, for months…
Break up…
A week or two..
Start another relationship…

What I see in this is the insecurity of a person towards herself..
The need to have a guy to complete her...
An incomplete person…
This is sad.

As these women, with little effort could be so well self-sustaining, that upon entering a man’s life who has reached that level, two fully alive beings would merge in a relationship.

But no, not even taking time to feel alone on this world, and concentrating on their own life, they jump on the next man who meets their standards, and start the game all over.

This is the type of person who marries five times, never feeling fulfilled,
As fulfillment first comes from inside, and is best shared with another fulfilled soul.

A soul which needs another soul to get complete, will not be happy in its own shell, and the search will always continue, as it also will not fulfill the person on the other side.
This, is sad.

And seeing through this image, the woman diminishes into a fleck on the ground; her voice becomes bee buzz, her face transparent.
The sad thing is these people will always be on the lookout, not knowing they are searching for their "selves".

Now back to me.

Am I complete?
Am I aware of that?
Half the problem is knowing it exists.
The rest is understanding and solving it.

Now to the deep talk:

As I said I met countless people here and there… I have been very close friends with fascists, people who would tie a naked man onto a tree in no no-man's land. Met filthy rich spoiled kids... Guys who made miracles with the guitar… Guys who made miracles of themselves… Guys whose only ambition in life would be to get laid… Women who intimidated any and every men they encountered by their open display of power… Men who tried to raise a family with hundred euros a month… People whose talks I had hard time understanding… Guys with left ideals who saw me as a lower being… Guys with right ideas who saw me as a fucking communist… Men who had so much to talk about God... Men who talked why he don’t exist... Men who believed in Satan… Psychologists who analyzed every move of you… Card readers who would give you sleepless nights...

So deep talk exists everywhere…

But few people actually have this deepness. The rest, like the women the story is about, “I like deep talk”, are just doing it for self justification or the reasoning for their existence in their unexacting self. The few who talk deep, you see it in their eyes... In their stance…
In their talk, and in their beliefs…

These people find eachother, and exchange ideas, don’t need to advertise it to the outer world.

These people induce respect in the listener, as their talk is so effective, and if really deep, their talk is open to what you can add to it.

Though I am still a believer of,

Without acting, thinking has no value.
Without acting, living has no value.
And to a lesser degree,
Without thinking, talking has no value.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Italian men, are like men...

In the bar…
Dunno if the girl comes, or if he goes..
But anyway, as I am told, a high initial interest is present,


“Where are you from?”
“You Italian boys always say yes”
“What else are they supposed to say?”
“Do Finnish guys say no?”
“Yes. Sometimes”

Guy leaves.

I wanted to leave this story at that, but then my self righteous side shouted, you gotta write, you gotta write…

In between text:
Usually I do not read what I wrote, except spelling errors. This time the story got stuck in my head. There was something I did not write. Still do not know what this is, but will try to find it, clear the fog in my head.


The idea is summarized in this sentence, and the rest of the text vaguely tries to open it up.

“The challenge must start after feeling there is something to get, and getting a “no”.

Without seeing anything before the “no”, and assuming there must be something underneath that “no”, you will be ending up with nothing, as there is only shit under the horse. Your ultimate failure awaits you” . Says Finndistan

In the dating game, challenge is the most important aspect, true. It is the way you work for something, which creates the pleasure of attaining it.

But, to be a challenge, you need to be shown some qualities, and need to want those qualities.

Being after something just because you don’t get it, without knowing what’s in the package, dooms you for spending a lifetime running after horseshit, just because the shit is in an unreachable place.

The challenge which is spoken for, is the challenge to be after riding the horse. You know it feels good. You know the feeling of galloping on the sand by the sea, on a horse without saddle. You cannot get it. Not now. You work for it. You work for it, because you know the thing you can’t get is at least a ride on a horse. Fast, dangerous, warm, and free… This is the least you will get upon succeeding.

This is the kind of challenge that fills someone’s life. Knowing there is something out there, going for it.
Now you are going to say, you never know what to get.
But you also should know why you are after something.
Life is short.
And I do not have the fucking time to run after a girl, just because she shot me down.
Oh, I will run. And it will be a wham-bam-bye-ma’m. Thing.

She has shown me no quality of herself, except that she can turn away. So, that’s the quality she gets, upon my conquest. Or hers…

This sounds logical thinking. Its not.
This, I observed is how I act, unknowingly.. The explanation follows the act.

Back to flirting and dating.
A woman going for a guy just because he says no.
What quality has he shown?
That’s a two letter word.

That “no” does not tell if he will jump into ice water to save you, or if he will fuck your brains out…
He is a challenge, yes.. But what is the challenge for? A “no”..
Here let me tell about my person.

If I am after a girl. Really after her. It means she has shown me something I want, and can’t get. I have been there. Know there is more to it. Want to spend time in the hunt, and after the hunt.

The girl I will be after till I fuck is the one, who has shown me nothing, but a pair of boobs and an ass, on a face which said no. That is the ego hunt.

And people, without knowing it, making this ego hunt the basis of their flirt-date-sex life, are as I said, doomed to horseshit.

The challenge must start after seeing there is something to get, and getting a “no”.

Without seeing anything before the “no”, and assuming there must be something underneath that “no”, you will be ending up with nothing, as there is only shit under the horse.

Below is the old text.

Just like last Saturday in Doris I saw how a girl – one of the tops in Doris – begged a boy – another top of Doris, at least a good guitar player, and one of the few guys – for a date.. And failed…

This story proves to me that the only thing you need to have in this country to get laid, is the ability to manage to say “hello” and the ability to be not interested. Any other quality you possess is unimportant compared to the being uninterested thing. Even Brad Pitt would be having problems if he would be like he – if he was single – would be with the rest of the world. Interest is a loose loose game here.

Another thing what I have seen is, the really good girls – bitchy, clever, beautiful, loves herself, has a life etc etc –, now for them, the other qualities start getting important, and we are talking about girls which are rare as black sheep.

For the rest women, who have better than average boobs, ass, nose, ear, whatever, only thing which counts is disinterest. Show disinterest, you get laid.

(Ah, for a guy like me, this ain’t working, as I become unapproachable, unattainable, mission impossible :P ) Also, I choose to interact. Play my games by interaction, not by turning my ass.

And I think it comes from the fact that in this place everything is so fast and easy, that people start to get the need to prove themselves they can actually achieve something. And this achievement, turns out to be choosing the challenge based on uninterested guys, rather than choosing the challenge to have good time, whichever way possible.

Now to the story.

Italian. This guy, has lived in challenge with women all his life. Italian women, I know from Turkish, are capricious, difficult, mind fucking, even the best players get fucked over by this kind of woman, who knows the ins and outs of a man. The man begs to hold her hand, a kiss is the step to heaven.

Finnish girl, comes to him, “you wanna fuck”.. Now, this guy will never say no, provided the girl is not too low in his perception of standards. NEVER. Why shall he? It’s free….

Finnish guy. There are the players, and in my opinion, if a guy who sleeps with a different one every week – at some point in a small town, you will loose your pickiness - rejects you, that is an insult to you. If you take that “no” as a good thing, well, keep on being insulted. You are basically insulted by not being accepted into this guys list of women.

Then a guy says no… Well, he possibly is also drunk. These guys have no idea where they are, who they are talking to, who they are themselves. If,… if you are going for that kind of man. You do not exist for me in the first place.

Another no, is simply, he does not like you. That does not show he is a challenge, it just shows he is not into you.. (SATC)…. So simple. Not into you. Possibly that guy said “yes yes yes” to the next girl he talked to.

A no, may also mean. The guy knows he will get sex easily, so why you. Get the fuck out'a' my face. You women are so damn easy, I prefer my beer, which is more of a mission for me than you cunt. Very very nice.


I suspect, a guy who has worked hard to get sex, has learned all the tricks to get to the point, is a better fuck than someone on ten beers, or someone who is so good at picking up women, that he does not even need to have good sex talent (Sebastyne).

Just this wrong image of a challenge… So many good sex opportunities lost.
Yes, challenge, being difficult is important. It is a major player in the game.
But, in my opinion, in Finland, it has moved to be the only one. The God created tactics of the game are meaningless…
Making so many women miss so many good opportunities.

I don’t care for the Italian, or the answer.
It’s just sad to see possibilities passing by in this short life of human beings.
In a country where ten percent of women never had orgasm.. (Durex)
Going for the no, will end you up in sucking dicks all your life, proving yourself you can do it…

Well, let me tell you, it’s not so hard…

Instead of getting banged just on the grass outside of the bar, screaming the hunks name, because he was the one who was the man. Made the first move. Led you to the point. And you did resist the idea “Stop.. He is saying yes.. No good. No good.. AAAAAAHHH YEA”

Well, as I say, this holds for the middle women.. Not the ones who would fuck a flying male fly in their desperation, or the ones which consist the crème de la crème, the latter being the ultimate company for short term or life.

Italy is wonderful, no?

An Italian is visiting Tampere.
Hanging around with us.

In a bar, a girl comes to him,
“Where are you from?”
“Oooooo.. I love Italian food… I love your country… I love your people…”
“Have you been there?”

Monday, November 15, 2004

Drunken women.. Another proof for not even thinking of it.

This proof,

Happens when a woman, drunk, giving you blowjob, you are not sober either, gets up in the middle just when you start getting “good”,

And starts smoking a cigarette.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

How to destroy a flirt with potential...

A good friend invited me over to the opening of the Club…
All the chique(y) people are there…
The bar workers, the “VIP”’s, the alcoholics, normal people, fuck arounds… Most good looking faces of town..

There I meet this DJ I know…
We have a little easy going chat, and at some point, the talk goes to romance,
He says something funny, I reply like,
“Just like you said, we are romantic till for as long as it takes”
And noticed the little chick beside us eavesdropping..

Talked to her, the DJ also talking, that was a thirty second fun on my part, telling how manipulative the guys who use romance are… That it is just to bang her etc…

The DJ saying something,
The girl going “oh”, smiling,
And then me just purely enjoying myself:

“You see, being not romantic, I am not manipulative. I call the girl, bang the girl, and send her back”
Before I continue , don’t fucking get some wrong impression, like “oh he does not do it.”

I do.
And it’s good.
But talking about it,
The girl was gone faster than my eye could follow.

: )