Sunday, August 22, 2010

What is more annoying?

The extra feminine guy sitting across me, behaving more girly than the two cuties he is sitting with, looking like a character out of some pervert anime,

Or the couple sitting behind me singing duets for the last hour, as a date activity. No, they can't sing. And they are still singing.

Leaving anyway.

Btw, the answer is the first one.

Nicely got played

While chatting with my brother, and another guy, she comes.

Tells me she saw me in the Saw that evening, which is wrong as I was in th Saw, and she was in the Saw the night before that. Do not tell this to her.

She tells me that she remembers me, that I am so "Aaahhhmmmmm... manly", I smirk, look at the cutie passing by, and take a sip of my drink. Slowly.

What she forgets is that I know her from the nightlife. She is little past thirty, but has breasts that would make an 18 year old jealous, 90 60 80 would be her measurements, and for her age, the apparent tightness of her body is unbeliavable.

And still, her sexual value to me is close to zero, as I got to witness her adventures out in the night. Close to zero I say, because got to be honest, a full bottle of Russian Standard Premium (70 cl at 40%), and a possible bam-mam-bye-mam, skipping the hi-mam foretalk could change my mind, or better said, cloud my judgement. But likely too is that it will also block the blood to my pleasure stick, so in the end, we are still in the good. Untainted.

Dating value?

You must be joking. I feel sorry for the joker who will pick up that tab.

On a related note, this context I will explore in coming posts, that men are not blind, and the ones with choice, use what they see, to assess and value.

Back to the girl.

After some flirting with me she introduces me to this 22 year old brother of hers, who is ashamed of having his sister's glitter in her face. He is going to the washroom to wash it off.

I tell him that he should not wash it off, as even if he thinks glitter is gay, the women who will see him tonight will know it is another woman, and they will find that sexy.

Giving lessons to the young ones,

Only to see the sister smooching the brother half hour later.

Nice play lady.

Still wonder why the play, and it is an interesting thought to know she shagged him, thinking about me, who will likely never hit on her.

Now I would neet two bottles of vodka to tap that, if she lay bare open in front of me.

Can't tap in an alcohol induced semi coma tho. Can't even drink two botltles of that gorgeous posion anyway.

So, still good.

The world is small


I am in Sugar.

The blondie over there is looking funnily at me when I am talking with a group of Belgians.

Some time later she comes over,

"You live in Finland"
"Yea. Good guess"
"I am the ex of your neighbor"
"The Viking?"
"Yea, he still alive?"
"Rocking and rolling"

The odds of me meeting my finnish neighbor's ex in a ten squaremeter dive bar in Barcelona?

The last post, two months ago?

Just saw that my last blog post was two months, four days ago.

The holiday came in between, Barcelona took my heart, Germany gave me good food, Lithuania showed me the feminine walk, London showed me that a new breed of hipsters are going the more masculine road; beard and chest hair and such. Actually makes me wonder if they actually are the gay hipsters, as the straight ones seem to be more feminine that the hipster girls. Then I came back, and had family staying over. It was good to have the family around.

Now the summer has ended, my house is empty, my stories in my head.

Will not take long to get them down.

Update to "You have been lied to"

For the ones thinking my reaction of not wanting to date an intelligent mother of a 6 month old baby boy, this story is one that happens exactly one week later.

Saturday, this one guy who makes Speedy Gonzales look slow, and since there will be more stories involving him, I'll call him the Speedier Gonzales from now on, was all over the bar. Talking to this woman, talking to that.

There was this one girl very interested in him, besides others. She had a one year old baby boy. Speedier Gonzales had other options in the bar, but somehow in the process of having too much fun, he forgot to seal the deal with one of the many girls, and was leaving alone.

As I hear the next day,

"Haha man, last night was great. When I was leaving I saw the one chick, told her to come with me, and she told me that if I had not talked with so many women she would have come"

So I have a lucky guess, "Was it the one who is the mother?"

"Haha, yea man."

"She says that?"

"Can you believe it? Her, for God's sake... "

Here I have to interject: It is good for a woman to have standards, but then, there is a limit on how you can blow a guy off. From what I heard later, this memory was shared with a number of other men, and it turned into a good joke.

Simply say "No", if you are not interested. Do not push the limits of you being the undiscovered diamond, as apparently some other guy has already cut the diamond.

A quote that came to my ears:

"She should be jumping in joy that you asked her to come home. Better yet, she should, in gratitude, bow down to the guys"

I say, I was civilized in my story.

The Love Boat of the Baltic - I pity the husbands

Coincidentially, it is Valentine's Day...

The day of love, affection etc...

More correctly the day of men doing stuff for their women, 'cause if they don't, there'll be trouble.

Same night, two incidents.

I was wasted, effed up beyond any recognition, in my standards. Have not drank so much in four years, and this would've been in the top 10 of my drunken nights. Finlandia 50% Vodka meets Valentine.

One. There she was talking to me, a short busty blondie. Have no clue what the topic was, but at some point she grabs my manly hairy well built hard chest and goes "Ooooh"

To which I reply, "Yeah" (perfect example of drunk communication)

She squeezes this firm chest of mine and sa's "pectoralis major"

So I say, "pectoralis minor" and grab her breast, to which she slaps my hand, with a lok that says she is not joking.

I'm like "What the fuck?"

She says "I am married"

While I am thinking, "bitch, eff off, go grab your husband's..." I notice a hand fumbling with my package, the balls and the sausage... Her hand.

I pity the husband.

Two. Same night, still drunk of course.

I see two of my friends chatting with two blonds. There was this one guy hovering above them, and it was clear at any given time, a cockblock could occur.

I go in like a hawk hunting rabbits, grab the guy, "Whazzup ma' man...", and gently swoop him away from the table...

After the bastard asks me to buy him a drink and I decline, then he says "I want to go back to my wife"... I start smiling. I had swooped the hubby of his feet.

So I take him back to the blonds, to which the better looking one says

"He is my husband"

"Yep, and I brought him back"

She looks at the husband, then looks at me. Her eyes were saying "gimme five minutes, I'll hump you dry". Sad actually. And funny, as that look was not give to any of the guys hitting on her. I was the fourth guy in the equation, and the most uninterested one.

Then her mouth says, lips slightly apart "You are a delight", while the hubby was standing there drink in hand, shaking like a leaf in the wind.

Pity the husband. Pity the wife? Näää...

If my observations are correct, this second wife, who was in the cabin next to mine, did find someone to blow, or get shagged by, and I am betting on two different guys in two nights.

"Good morning husband, give me a wake up kiss......"

The Love Boat of the Baltic - Lost In Translation

The same drunken night.

Am having good time with a girl, and her brother's girlfriend is with us.

My good friend comes to the table, introduces himself. I know the night is short, and I know she is not available for what he wants, so what do I tell him?

"Bro, she aint no good"

"Bro, you got better options"

"Bro, she's taken" (though it may be possible that taken girls are indeed easier)

"Bro, dont waste your time"



I, in my drunken stuper, translate from my mother tongue into english, and go:

"Dude, take a walk"

It was too late, once the words were out of my mouth..

The Love Boat of the Baltic - Clarification on the grabbing issue

What is this thing with women?

They think they have the right to grab a man's chest, butt, package, but the man doing the same is a no-no?


Your stuff aint that special. I have touched enough times, you've been touched more than enough times. I have no interest in grabbing women I dont know, but if you grab me, I'll grab back, and will have all the right to do so.

You think you grabbing me gives me some kind of pleasure? Your hands are so special that it is an honor to be grabbed?

Think again.

So if you are not willing to enjoy my hands on your butt, then keep your hands off my butt.

Keep your effing hands to yourself, if you want to keep yourself untouched.

Grab me, I'll grab you.

On a related note,

If I see no problem for me, legally,

Slap me, I'll slap you.

Eqwalitee, baby.

Sadly eqwalitee nowadays goes only one way.