Saturday, May 29, 2010

Is that so?

After great dinner in a friend's place we went to meet some of his female friends, in a latin dance club, and one of his friends was a good looking blonde, close to thirty.

I, just had returned from a long trip and was not feeling to cheerful about my surroundings, my head was totally somewhere else.

Vodka, tequila, soda, vodka, while my friends were dancing.

We decide to leave the place and I turn around to get my coat, when I turn back, the blondie bumps into me, I look at her, she looks at me, says:

"Sorry :) "

At that instant, I returned to earth, but in a playful manner, like a kid, so not exactly a flirtingly playful mood,


"I'm sorry"

"You should learn to watch where you going", I tease her

"Oh, I said I am sorry :)"

To which I reply in a dead serious expression:

"I'll make you say sorry all night long", and I realized what I just said, to which she replied,

"Is that so" in a flirty way

I could only smile, it was a hearty smile as I was trying to keep myself from bursting outloud, all over her. I was shaking, I was getting tears to my eyes.

I knew she was engaged or married, and she had already told the group, she was not joining us; going home; so that did not change, as it should not change,

But that was one of the warmest and funniest "Goodbyes" I ever received.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Here we go again

My buddy introduced me to this chick he banged months ago. Think she has a boyfriend now. The woman does not shut up, thinks she is God's gift to earth (her tits were), but thick as a brick in the head, and thick as a log otherwise.

This info is necessary to show I had no good vibe towards this motormouthed forestlog.

Then I was introduced to her friends and the friend's boyfriend. Woman same as above. Repelling attitude. I liked the boyfriend though. Decent man.

Later that night, I am standing somewhere in the bar, enjoying the monkeys dancing. The second girl, who was sitting on some couch behind me with the motormouthed forestlog stood up to come to me and asked me if I could sit down.

"Could you sit down?"

"I like standing, and then there is no place on that couch anyway", keeping courteous just due to my buddy,

"Come sit down, we go dance"

"So I am to sit down, so you ladies can go to dance?" Boyfriend(s?) not in sight, my buddy not in sight...

"Yes, we want to dance"



"No. Take your bags with you. I like to stand"

"You are not a good person"

"Maybe am, maybe not", and turned my attention back to the environment.

While I was enjoying the thoughts about the event that happened five minutes ago, I see my buddy talking to the girls, the girl fully animated, telling him something.

He comes to me, smiling, and I say,

"They told you that your friend is an asshole, eh"

"Exactly in those words, mate"


Strong, independent, and annoying

You strong women, running around independent.

You know, in your obsession with strength and independence, you can be irritating fun spoilers.

Curly hair, blonde and almost my height, my friends think she's big, I think, "right size".

One night where I was drinking whiskey like there's no tomorrow, I spot her in the bar, The curly hair shining like the sun in the cold winter days, on the -15 days. Cannot miss it. Especially since I am the only one who can handle that one. Demanding on intelligence and assholery, that one is.

Drunk, I need to recycle my liquids, she's on the way,

"Yooo.. Whazzup blondie" and proceed to the loo.

Come back from the loo, and grab her from the waist, to which she smiles inquisitively,

"You'll now drink with me"

And we go to the bar. I order my whiskey, and order her a whiskey. Need to change the order as she does not drink whiskey. When I turn to face her, anticipating my smokey drink to arrive, I see her pull out a 200 euro piece.

"Hey, what the f"#¤ is that?"

"I'll pay my drink"

"If I wanted you to pay your drink, I'd have said, buy me a drink"

l pay my drink"

"I dont pay women for their time, I invited you to a drink. Means this one is on me. Do not insult me by thinking I'll expect sex cause I got you a frigging drink. Now. You'll put that money away."

We got our drinks, I enjoyed my whiskey.

An hour or so later, I get a bourbon handed to me by this girl, who came from behind, out of nowhere, and left after handing me the Jack.

Strong, independent and fucking annoying.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Respect Nokia, you dipsh.ts

Edit: This was written last november.

I was sitting in the cafe with my brother, who lives in another country.

One of the rare occasions when we can meet, talk, bond and be brothers again.

Chatting about this about that, fighting in between about different worldviews, this dude comes to the table beside us.

Looking like the typical pot smoking hippy, rasta hair, striped wool jacket which very likley had a Bob Marley t-shirt underneath and khaki pants.

Before I continue, what is the bloody obsession of these people with Bob? As if he is a God or something, As if smoking pot is the pinnacle of life?

Hey dipshits, Jamaica is not Finland.

In Jamaica if I take a dump in the forest, next year I can eat mangos from the tree that was born of my excrement.

In Finland, if I take a dump in the forest, next year it will be defrosting, if I am lucky.

So Bob can afford to enjoy the sun 23 hours a day, spending one hour dumping and collecting the fruits of his hard labor.

Back to the story,

So this guy starts talking to us, I tell him nicely,

"Yo, my brother is here. I do not see him too often, and I do want to talk only to him"

The guy goes apeshit.

"Vitun Nokialaiset insinöörit" yadayadayada..

(Fucking Nokia engineers)

Hey dipshit (referring from above), if the engineers of Nokia, and also Metso were not doing what they were doing, and doing it well, how would the state be supporting your sorry ass?

These fucking engineers, as you call them, are the ones who create the most value in this harsh environment, and the taxing system fucks them out of their livelyhood, so that ungrateful shits like you can walk around in their hippy living on welfare lifestyle and curse the hand which feeds your mouth.

The same goes for the women who think that the Nokia engineers are a lower level of lifeform, until their baby rabies kicks in, that is.

One week strike of the major value producers and servicemen is needed to bitch slap some of the entitled fucks to their place. If they are still alive, not having drowned or frozen under a pile of garbage in a winter with no electricity..

Btw, I am no Nokia engineer.

Edit in may: More to come about the hippies, lefties and so on.

Take me to the gay bar

Seriously have no idea if I ever wrote about my experiences in gay bars, this is not about me.

What would you call a guy who walks full speed into his own reflection in the mirror, in a gay bar?

“eyes wide shut”???

“overloaded gaydar”???



Especially if this is a friend whose main night-out activity was accusuing me of being an a'hole...

What you do is, you smile, and give three taps to his back.

For once I felt sympathy

Not too often I feel sympathy for the behavior of women I see around me.

There is always an exception.

I was in a bar where women of all ages were having their fun.

I noticed that in a bar environment, which basically focuses on alcohol and sex – directly or indirectly- the older women were invisible. Even in a venue servicing mainly older people...

Allright, the older guys were also pretty much invisible, but men are used to being invisible. No one asks them out on a date, no one invites men to dinner, etc.. Except for some small number of studs getting showered with attention like standing under the Niagara Falls. Exceptions prove the rule. So for these guys it was like this Polish song: “Only the wine bottle understands me, is my friend”

But for women, for them it was not like this. The difference in attention between their 20s, even 30s to their 40s must be devastating.

Just ten years ago it was “Can I please please please have the honor of buying you a drink?”; today it is “...”

I had sympathy.

Not for long, but I still had it.

A few seconds later, watching some younger woman's behavior killed that sympathy.

Karma is a bitch.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

The stop signs

How do you know not to ever go to that bar again?

Is it when this apparently alcoholic 20 year old blonde customer starts dancing with the pole by the dancefloor?

Is it when she takes off her shirt to reveal young boobs, and a beer belly bigger than those twins?

Is it when she takes off her pants to reveal a perky butt in black lingerie, the beer belly competing with that, too,


Is it when her weight loss challenged – meaning around 30-40 kilos overweight – friend decides to join the blondie?

Is it when this friend takes off her shirt and reveals a figure like a snowman with boobs, with the gigantic boobs resting happily on a even more gigantic belly?

It is.

I thank the forces of nature that she did not decide to take off her pants. That would be being forced into gayhood.

"Nights I want to forget" is the name of the book for these nights.

Overcompensating or not?

Was walking in downtown after having an excellent coconut curry chicken in some cheap chinese hole for 12 euros (talk about high living standards costs , when I neared this newly opened bar, called "1".

There was this Hummer parked in front of it, some cute chicks, fully dressed to the teeth, made up to compete with runway models exited the car.

The driver was this bald guy, definitively a powerlifter, effing huge dude.

I was passing the big car with the big guy inside it when I noticed movement on the window.

And there it was, the tiniy tiny rat breed of a dog, an insult to the vicious friends of humans, looking at me with its effing stupid eyes.

I wondered if the car or the dog was the message.

Talk about contradiction when you see a powerlifter in a Hummer, driving around his majesty :


One night in the ugly - Few shorties


The loss that hurt

This young cute girl comes to the dancefloor, happy and cheerful with two full glasses. Gives one to her friend, all cheerful and happy, and takes a sip from her own, when someone bumps into her.

Plofff goes the glass on the floor.

If you've ever seen a small baby whose balloon just exploded, you know what I am talking about.

She stood there eyes open, tears forming in her eyes, hands open, gesturing to her friend in a "why? why? why?" manner.
She stood there for full five minutes. Watery eyes and all.

That must have been some important drink..


The wrong thing to do when you see a girl you think is good looking,

Is to tap your friend on the shoulder and point to the blondie,

Is to tap my arm when the tall brunette looking like young Liv Tyler apporaches, then tap my shoulder, then tap my elbow, and then squeeze my elbow upon me not reacting, when all her four friends are sitting a meter behind me.

Talk about making intentions known.


Previously I blogged about the best rejection, but this one could compete,

This foreigner was hitting on some chick, who was not interested, but he did not get the message.

The chick pulls a local that she knows beforehand to herself, and says in english,
"Let's go home", the local's face lights up with a smile.

Funny thing is the foreigner turned to me with a confused face, I smiled, knowing that the local just hit the jackpot, as the girl was hitting on another local just five minutes ago, but got rejected herself.

Another "right place right time" lay.

Girl gets rejected, gets pissed, some dude hits on her making her more pissed, she goes gets laid with a passerby, to ease the pain, and to get rid of the dude.

Winner in the picture?



Wednesday, May 05, 2010

One May 1st : The third best compliment a guy can get

I was thinking of keeping this one short, only writing about the compliment. But Marylin just passed by when I was writing the previous story. The story deserves to be known.

That friday. Drunk. I have downed about 15 shots vodka and gin.

One the way to the loo I see Bridget, the cute female athlete who I learn later is 18. I had her number in my phone almost a year ago but the follow up did not happen. So I chatted her up, she said

"Marylin is over there"

"So?" And continued to the pissing wall.

I see these two later again, and start talking with them. A third one comes in, Heidi. Another 18-20 year old cutiepie, though bit on the anorexic side, she had her charm, and definitely did modelling.

Standing there with her arms crossed over her chest, looking restless, she was ripe for mocking.

And mocking is what she got. And enjoy it she did. Heidi enjoying the mocking, Bridget hating the situation, and Marylin amused but interested.

Me, aloof and uncaring, except getting my next vodka.

Bit more toying with Heidi, bit more toying mith Marylin, and Bridget, still looking pissed.

Then comes the bomb, from Marylin.

"You know Scarlett X."

I need thirty seconds to go through my head, "Yea, and?"

"She is my sister". Interlude: I met Scarlett few months ago, and hosted he in my place a few more nights after that.

"Cool. and?"

"She is a catch" true, the sister is a good woman.

"True, but, I am not one. Hey, see here is the message you sis sent me just ten minutes ago"

some bla bla

"Bridget is 18, and Heidi is my cousin..."

"Good, one big family."

Some lost memory here, she was saying something about me not getting her, and me saying I dont do sisters... Though Marylin is definitely one of the best looking girls in town, so apparently, I'd do her like a truck. Situation looks bleak.

I remember this exchange:

"You are a good looking woman"

"Yea, I know I am gorgeous"

"Yea, I see that, and you are also spoiled."

"No I am arrogant"

"Err... Spoiled is what you are. Arrogant is slightly different."

Few more words spoken, and she starts stomping her feet on the ground like a little kid who just got the candy denied from, says

"You are so fucking arrogant"

"Yes I am"

I got to hear the third best compliment for a man: "You are arrogant". Good.

Situation secured. I'll see her again, and then chances are high, especially if I have another lady in my arms.

Before that, I'll see the sister.

One May 1st: Ladies, you made your bed

Friday. The first of may. Like mentioned, am way over the acceptable drunk limit. Besides the other stories, I had a five minutes introduction to one of the douchebags in town, who I had actually met before, who happened to be a friend of my good friend.

Years ago when we met in a bar, he asked where I was from, I asked where he was from, to which he answered: "I am half finnish half asshole", and I had told him to use that f'ing line on the chicks, not on bloody me.

And then, as expected, a guy playing the asshole game, and seen as a douche by other men, is bound to get laid more often that the Regular Joe.

But truth, to the unseeing eyes does not come out too often.

The fourth guy in the picture is an uncurable NiceGuy, and I hope he knows this story as it happened in his house, and effing learns from it.

Well, our Halfassfinnishhole shags a girl in the end of the night. I think I remember the girl. Some young cute blondie with a few extra pounds on her, but cute, nevetherless.

In the morning, our Halfassfinnishhole got to hear "I fucked you only because you were such an asshole"

Good girl. Continue fucking the assholes, anyway in five years you will demand the princess treatment, and some sucker will pick the tabs the fuckers left on your nightstand.

One May 1st: Ooops she did it again

I love it. I love it when I see through the bullshit early enough.

I love it when karma protects me from stupid bitches.

It is the second day of my 1st of May celebrations. After supporting a heavy hangover of that night before, am again enjoying a light buzz from that vodka, Ruissan Standard, and some beers.

As the night progresses, my friend starts talking with these three girls. One of them is a girl, who, many years ago, when she was still young, after having a long chat in the bar, gave me her number, begged me to call her, and answered my text with "You are seeing many women. Bla bla bla". At that time I felt the sting of anger, but then, as always, good riddance to rubbish. No reply was necessary. If that is a game, I aint playing it anyway.

After that event whenever I saw her she had that look in her face. I think nowadays it's called the permascowl.

Well, to add to that permascowl, in a span of two-three months she had more sexual escapades than I had in that time. I remember this as I used to go to the same bar two times a week in this small town.

Five years after she dissed me for seeing many women, and consequently getting laid left and right by men who are seeing many women, she ends up as another notch for a totally wasted guy, who is seeing many other women.

I guess old habits don't break easily.

She still had the permascowl when she saw me, I still sang the song "Karma Police" when I saw her.

Karma police. To protect and to serve. Me.

I love it when karma protects me from stupid bitches.