Tuesday, December 23, 2003

Some should not talk

We got a saying in turkish,

Means somebody, when he says something good, the opposite happens...
The other non-writer of this page, Topo is such a person....
All these happened in the last 4 months...


“Why don’t you install Win 2000? Your PC is quite good and fast”
In the same week, when I tried to change my harddisk, everything collapsed, and boom.. Format.. Install 2000, reboot crash.. reboot crash... format.. Install 2000, reboot, crash, format, install 2000, reboot, works, connect to net.. 20 seconds.. kicked out of net.. system virus.. virus scan.. no virus found.. pc extra slow, format... install me.. reboot.. no boot.. format.. install me, reboot.. boot.. oh.. ok.. do not touch, it is working now...

“Hey, you tv-card works fine”
A few days later, am in the internet, want to watch the news,
Double click TerraTv,
Screen goes blank,
Counting memory....
Try TerraTV,
Screen go blank,
Checking memory...
Problem not solved until now...

“Seems like your battery is ok this year”
Said on friday, on monday morning, the car goes,
iiy iiy iiy i i i zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
no wromm wrommm.. just click click

“You know you have an old car, but you were lucky no major problems”
That friday I paid 300 euros to get my fuel tank changed... Was leaking...

“Man, you never get sick.. You are like a pig.. Nothing affects you...”
Was said this weekend, and now I am on the verge of a flu, trying to stop it by Carmolis, Echina Force, special teas, ultra rare syrup, and original honey...


“Hah, so you have had some good time with women this week, huh?”
No get laid for me, for some weeks...

In the end,
There is one thing to say,



Well well...
This girl is the main actor in the "href="http://yazi/iwant.html"
target="blank">I want sex" story,


After a year or so, go to NiteLife, for a change...
Enter, make a round,
Oh, here she is..
So we start talking,
She has always been a flaky girl, so I act accordingly, posture and
conversation wise...

Once she told me she had something to tell me, and then literally ran
away, so I found her, and she said she could not tell me 'cause she is
kind of seeing someone...
Once I met her outside of Lanotte, me out of Doris, she out of Groove,
3 minute get horny talk, and then a hug, all these in front an old
story of mine, who was going shagging with a pizza guy I know...
Once I even broke my rule, and went on a date with her... Had fun in
the conversation, because I was not in the date mood usually guys

She went to London, so I asked her if she could please get a book for
me, and in the four days she was in london, she did not have time to
enter the bookstore, ask for the book, pay for it and come out..

Back to nitelife,
She sitting with back to bar, I am standing, talking, looking around..
"Can I ask you a favor"
"Of course"
"Can you get me a water?"
"No? But you asked me a favor"
"That is different, you see, there is a distance difference, here you
are closer to the bar, then I was not closer to London..."

So she turns to the bar, and orders her water,
"Order one for me too"
"I will not pay for it"
"You order, I will..."

So we continue our chat, and then I tell her to go to my place.. She agrees...
I live in 15 minutes walk distance to the bar..
We go out..
She says, lets take a cab..
I say lets walk...
She shows me her shoes.. These new trendy strange shoes.. You know,
white shiny, pointed... Yack...
So I say, I will take a cab if she shares with me the fee..
She says she's broke, could I just pay for she...
I say no, I do not do that,
She says please, do it, I want a cab..
I see a possibility to pay off breaking a rule,
So we walk to the taxi cue...
The queue is damn long,
By the time we get a cab, we could walk way past home...
So we start walking..
Just near the Hamburger Kiosk by the railway station, she goes flaky...

But this time, I have no pity..
"I don't know... If I should come"
"Know or not, make it up fast, I am freezing"
"You know I am not comfortable..." – With me, that is... Me, who has
not attacked her... in the year we know eachother...
"OK, then we say goodbye and walk our ways"
"Aaa.. noo... in england... my boyfriend.. tried to rape me.. have not
come over that... "
In my ear, I have heard bla bla bla.. Beeeeeeeeeecause it is -5, and
this is sooooooooo predictable... It is not sincere... and to add, I
have been with girls who have been raped before I met them, and I have
seen it is not easy to get over it... But this is different..
"That is bad, sorry for that, but in this cold, I am not a good listener.."
"You do not understand what it means"
"I do, I try to understand, but have no intention on freeing my ass
here, while you take the time to make up your mind"

We end up, me saying,
"I see you will not be coming, so let's say goodnite and go our ways"
So she hugs me, my hands in my leather jacket..
"Oh come on give me a hug"
I take one hand out of my jacket and wrap it around her, her head on
my chest, my other hand in my jacket...

Here I have to note that, eight days after that, I met a girl,
incredibly sexy, stunning eyes, and clever, damn clever, with who I
walked for twenty minutes, in a snow storm, hand in hand, me without
glove... When we made it to her place, my hand was swollen from the
cold, did not respond to my "move you mamashagger.... move" command,
and that was still so nice..

To this girl, my hands preferred to stay in...
then she looks up, and says with a cutie face,
"A goodnite kiss??" Makes a move, I back off,
"No, and then I have tasted you before, and you know my taste..."
And leave..
Decide to write an article about Rape and Me... And think about it all
the way...

Next week , friday,
4.00 AM, walking home, same route as always..
Pass by the Kiosk,
I see a couple on the corner...
The girl with her back to me...
Funny boots, and funny socks..
and I go, no this cannot be..

I realize the smirky smile on my face, from one ear to the other,

And the guy sees me, his face changes, what is this guy looking at me look,
I just come near them,
Turn my head, and oh helloouuuuuuu

"So, you pull the same trick on everybody you meet??" Cheaaaazzzzeeeee
She looks up, and shit-i-got-cought face,
"Oh shit!!"

Friday, December 19, 2003

What about me?

The Catdevil girl,

After the cat incident,
In her bed,
Almost morning,
Hardly got it up...
2 minutes..
5 minutes..
10 minutes..
Still going,
She goes aaah, turns to me, and,
“I came, now I sleep”

and ... me? .... me?

Jingle balls jingle balls jingle all the waay,
Oh blue balls will kill me the morning next day..

Friday, December 12, 2003

Pope and red tanga

I think...
Am not sure..

The trunks as underwear are just emerging..
You can find fake Calvin’s in shops but their quality is miserable..
And I have to buy mine in Germany, but they do not last long..
A friend in the dorm has nice black ones.. Saw that while having a drinking session in his room..
“Where did you get these, man been looking for those all around town..”
I to Carsi, and they have those.. Problem is...

They are red..
I think to myself, these are on sale now, cheap, I will buy these, and then can dye them black... That would do..


Sometime later..
When I have not done my laundry for some time,
My only underpants are the two red ones.. Of course was too lazy to dye them...
And I put them on...
Was going to meet my old flatmate, to get the cars to inspection..
Look out,
The workers are cleaning the stairs, it has been snowing for some days now..
Get out, and on the top marmor stair, I slip...

1... ah my ass

2... shit my ankle

3... I hope I do not break my last bone

4... heeeeelp

5... shit a long way to the bottom

6... paiiiin

7... end end

8... this must be the end

9... holy shit.. still 5 to go

10... if I will be able to sit?

11... ain’t it funny, time seems to slow down.. aaah

12... have I broken something? Hurts like hell

13... Fucking workers.. did nobody tell you that you cant wash the stairs in winter, -10??

14... Should’ve worn my gloves...

And am on the floor... Ass hurts, hands hurt.. can’t get up.. pain soaring through my body... Now that was a long way...
But gotta go...
Have to go to “Rot balance”, where they make your car go straight, and balance the tires, to let you have a smoother ride...
Go to the shop with Koray, and tell him what has happened, laughing my hurting butts off...
The kid in the shop, a kid educated by possibly the most man oriented education, who only has seen white slips as underwear..
A stupid smile on his face,

“Dude (Abi), your pants are ripped off...”
I turn my back to the car window and look at it...

There it is,
Half of my pants left side has been ripped open, and my red panties are smiling at me....

I felt like the pope...
A pope in red leather tangas...

Tuesday, April 15, 2003


Was just searching the net for shoe pictures (no perversion, need it for my thesis..)


Doris (again??)

Am sitting in a corner, feet up on the stool in front, hand resting on a Velko bottle, hands tapping to the music..

A blonde walks by to the toilet.. Nice girl… Hmmm..

An hour or so later, I go to the dance floor, dance… Actually jump : )

I see her at the bar leaning against it, looking around.. at me? 1 second? Olalla…
Make my way through the floor, pushing and kicking..

Reach the girl, lean low to open the conversation, and step on her foot ful force…
“Oh sorry”

“You stepped on my foot”

“Yeah I know, not the best way to say hi…: )”

“Are my feet so big?”

“Well I know mine are big, but yours are still impossible to miss”

“You tell me I have big feet?”

“What are they, 37?”


“See, they’re not small”

“You call me big footed?”

“Lady hugefoot”


“I saw you dancing with some girls” And a look in the face…

“Friends” (truth…)

“uh uh”

“hu hu”

Interesting enough, she does not ask where I am from, but after another remark about the girls I was dancing with,

“I am going to the toilet, will be back in 5 minutes”

“I’ll be here.. “

So the girl goes, and I stand by the dancefloor as usual…

I see her coming from the toilet with her friend, go up the stairs, and just as they’re turning the corner, her friend gets pulled by three guys, finns of course… The girl too… So they keep talking until the night ends..

Getting shot down is no prob.. Happens all the time, to me, or to the girls…

But me dancing with three girls is worse than the finns trying to hit on about 10 girls in the same bar, on the same dancefloor.. (I am a regular, and I know who is doing what….)

That is b*lls**t.. my clever friends.. b**ls**t..

This is a free country my ass..

Have to add,

After all these incidents, I’ve gone immune, insensitive, and still able to give a smile while writing this : ) !!!
: ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : )


Sitting in Europa, who I just do not remember right, but could be the Rose, me, and Topo..

Chatting about something to do with women.. That men are too proud or something… Don’t remember right..

And then I am going to say:

“No lolli to the silent baby”

“Aglamayana emzik yok”

What do I say?

(God knows where my mind was while we were conversating : ) )

“Yalamayana s*k yok” (censored…)

Means translated:

“No dick to the one who does not lick!!!!”


Well, you should’ve seen the girls face : ) : ) : )


Well, congrats!!

Finnish movie is great..

Levottomat, can almost cry.. The nightlife, its loneliness combined with freedom, the binding of marriage and belief, the danger of depression, the trap of low selfesteem...

Kuutamolla, clostrophbia throughout the movie.. A person making life too hard for herself.. A guy without self esteem, destroying others.. Divorce…

Hajyt, just watched it last night, great!! The people’s identities so well drawn.. the free and bad.. the good and boring.. the traditional bootlegger.. new and old police… Crime…

Lomalla, that was fun to watch… a little more utopic than the others.. But still, the latino lover, the past, the money greed.. Worked perfect…

Mina ja Morrison, oh, this one is really good.. The smuggler.. The son, the mother… The woman.. the loneliness of a divorced family’s child.. The fast relationships..

Can’t remember now, but two or three more I have watched,

Just can say, I love the finnish style of movie making!!!

Bommarit criminal

There are these big parties, 4 times a year (or 6??), 2000 drunk students in a bunker…


My first bommari.. Have my own drinks, kirsberry votka.. Drinking, and jumping to Zen Café…

There is this curly blondie in front.. Oh, she turns around..

Hmm…. Conversation, sexy dance.. yummy..

One hour later, I have finished my drink, but not drunk, she has drank half a Minttu, and is over the clouds…

Principle: Do not touch drunk women

Action: Look for her friends in that huge party, and find them..

“Hello, I have brought your friend to you, I cannot do this.. you can take better care of her..”

Three months later, Ilves NightClub,



“Say Finndistan, I got a question”


“You use drugs???”

“No, why”

“Well after you left me in bommari, I needed to pee, and the toilets were cueued… So I went outside to the bushes.. While I was there, someone attacked me… I got free, but see these stitches?.. Anyway, so my friends have told the police about you.. you know, that I talked to a foreigner.. I told them it wasn’t you, but still wanted to make sure”


Guess I am living a dangerous life here :)


So, story has four parts:


Am there with Aytac, there on the corner is this tall beautiful (young) girl, looing at me..
Get my guts together,


Bla bla bla…

So after some time, she turns to the guy on her back and asks for a cigarette…

He gives it to her, and says a couple of things..

So, the lady speaks out:

“Sorry, but I have to be with my boyfriend”

“I know its just a trick, but go on…”

Later, when I am about to leave, I see the poor boyfriend alone…


I think I was walking from some bar to another through keskustori.. Late night, and a littlle on alcohol..

There are sitting some girls on the bench, one of them goes


I look at her, don’t recognize her (I got bad eyes also), and continue…


Standing by a table, beer in my hand, this lady is on the dancefloor…
I see her, she sees me.. I make no move.. She was disrespectful last time…

She comes over,

“Would you like to dance?”

We dance, chat…

In the end of the evening, I make my first move,

“Gimme your phone, I’ll call you”

“No, I can’t, don’t want to have a boyfriend”

(Do I want a girlfriend???) (Now the single ladies, you did not read that, OK :) ) (at least I am honest)


This lady sitting among some 5-6 Italian macaronis…

I am


Watched Levottomat, the famous finnish movie about some restless people..

Without subtitles…

Got really affected…

Especially the scene, where the guy walks among buildings after a one night stand, in the morning, he’s the only one… Maybe I found some times of myself there.. Maybe…

So, when I met some Finnish people, especially girls, somehow the subject popped up,
And I said,

“I watched Levottomat”

“We are not all like this”

Fine, who says so… I did not.. But after what I have seen…. Could not disagree with the movie…
And then, aren’t the finnish people showing “Midnight Express” every may, and believing in that movie? At least Levottomat has some nice things to show in the movie.. some sense, and then has more truth abouth the country than, Midnight Expresss has about Turkey..

But no….

“You Turks drink?”

“What, your mother’s hair is open??”

“You are not married?”

“We are not all Levottomat”….

Ja ja ja…

It is a good movie, and should be respected..

And fun to watch too…

Money Back Guarantee

Exited school..

Bad day, the bycicle repairman told me my bike is dead.. S**t…

So, called a friend, asking her to find out the bike auction times at the police…

I hear some footsteps behind me.. continue walking.. and talking on the phone..

Suddenly a young man popps up beside me, and

“asdrdfkj d.jrdögoed dfgjygu dndgeorgi d flöeiytorö djvöbd”

“Anteeksi en puhuu suomea”, then to the phone “One sec, there’s somebody saying something” but the lady does not hear, continues talking

“seferf egd bd rtgr g der te rt rg fgdf4e5ted”

“En puhuu suomea, puhutko Englanti?” to the phone, “One sec please” Phone: “bla blablabla..”

“Did you drop 20 euros?”

“Ha?” to the phone: “HOLD!” Silence

“did you drop 20 euros?”

Check my back pocket, there 10 instead of 30… Holy S**t!

“Yes thanks a lot, thanx!!!!!”

Me to the phone:

“Ohhaaaaaaa ohaaaaa ohhhhhaaaaaaaaaaa”

Sometimes I get to love thee!

You Turkish??

As usual, sitting in Europa..

Topo, me, A.S., maybe Ö.G.…

Usual subject: Women.. Usual language: Turkish Usual way: non formal. Usual level: loud

But this time there are two unknown women sitting on the same table…


In comes our Arab friend, a guy who is strictly homophobic, etc…, and speaks Turkish..

He stops by to say Hello,

So we start to tease:

“Let’s get two girls and have a 4 on 2”

(He sa’s something like piss off, just like he does after every sentence here…)

“We’ll see eachother’s butts..”

“C’moon, nothing happens if my hand touches your back”

“Ok, 4 girls??”


“Well, we can close the lights..”

Somewhere in the conversation, I rub my faust’s together and say:

“Could be fun to rub our balls together??”


After some time he leaves, and we have turned back to our relatively decent conversation,
When the girl on our table goes:

“Are you Turkish???”

Tuesday, April 08, 2003

The big ship..

Friday night.. in a cafe, discussing with Topo if we should go to the 20 hour cruise on the next night.. Make some calls, and decide to go.. Topo is supposed to buy the tickets in the morning, and then we drive to Hel., and meet up another guy, then to the ship…

Saturday morning, I wake up, lady by my side, 11.45 (no joke, that is the exact time).. Look at my phone, no call from Topo.. the bastard must’ve slept through.. So I give him a ring..

“Morning, what you slept through?”

“Noo, I have reserved the places!”

“No kidding, when does the ship leave??”


“S**t.. When will we leave?”


“Man, its almost noon, couldn’t you give me a call before???”


“F**k, now I have to be fast”

So, in that morning, until 13, I fool around once more in bed, take a shower, pack my stuff, have breakfast, and drop the lady to the bus stop..

We leave for Helsinki, at the right time..

Arrive there, something like 14.30… Have to pick up the other guy’s passport, so drive to Espoo… On the way there, I ask:

“Wasn’t somewhere here the guys pizza place, who was making these calzones?”


“Let’s eat before we go”

“I’ll call him then, and tell him to put the pizzas in the oven”

“Right”15.. Arrive at the pizzaplace, eat some good stuff, and leave the pizzaplace…

Shit, its 15.42, we are stuck on Mannerheimtie…

15.50 just turned in Esplanadi…

15.57 In front of Viking line, jump out of the car, slide on the snow, bump into the street sign, make it to the door, the counter of Cinderella is closed, jump into Mariella’s counter, and hear the woman shout


Say mambo jambo, show the ticket, and the old b***h goes EI EI

Run to the info

“Hi, we came to Cinderella”

“Can’t do.. the ship is leaving”


“It’s leaving”

“Can’t we do something?”



So, we go out of the building, one of the guys lights a cigarette, we go down the stairs, and turn around to wonder how on earth could we have missed that huge ship…

The toilet night


Am with someone there, do not remember who..

Hoaaaaa… What is that creature passing there?

“Hey hello”

“Oh hi”

And so it starts,

And continues:

“I gotta go to the bathroom”

She leaves, and makes me a sign to go with her…

Enter the bathroom.. Oh, my, the ladies toilets are so much nicer than ours…

Go into a cabin, start fooling around,

See a flicker in her eyes, my human side awakens,

“You sure you want to do this?”

“Don’t know” (I know she’s getting married next week, and her dad is upstairs)

So, I take her out of the toilet, up the stairs..

I leave her near her dad….

And I am called an asshole… World is not fair…

First Finnish experience

The first month I came.. Hanging around with students of material sciences..

Go to a party to Nite train, s**t place…

There is this beautiful young lady in the group, and we have been smiling all night, impossible to get through, the finns do not leave her alone…

So, on the dance floor, I make my move and am like couple of steps away, and she recognizes it, and calls for me, getting step by step closer..

Two steps left…


Rhythm synchronized..

Movements match..

My heart goes bum bum bububum

The bastard beside her tell something into her ear..

2 steps becomes other end of the bar

And the girl never talks to me again.. I try many times….

So, what has the guy told her.. Nobody knows me in town…

How can the girl give such a reaction…

A good example of what we are facing here..

God, now I am pissed again…

And on it goes...

Doris... Me alone, Topo’s tired, and he is my wingman in that place, but i think I do not qualify for being a wingman, in the sense I do my attacks alone..

Black hair, 185.. Gorgeous woman, not one of the regulars.. Goes to the dancefloor.. Possibly 22-23…

Eye contact..


Eye contact…

She’s leaving the dancefloor.. And eye contact ends in a stop..

“Well hi, now I have no idea what to say as an opening line” I really did not, was flung off my feet..

“Hi, neither do I.. so what do we do?”

“We try to find one, and the one who comes last follows the other”

“OK, I’ll think about it, be back in 5 minutes…”

So, I do not change place, and indeed in five she comes back, but to the dancefloor…

Eye contact..

Go to the floor, and say,

“That is not what I suppose to be back J”

“True, I could not find a line”

“Neither did I”

The dance continues, with little chat…

And the question comes…

“Where are you from”

Not even a minute after the answer,

“I have to check on my friends”

Feel free…

After the next song, I go to the toilet, and on the way, I recognize that she has left the bar…
What an image the Turks have.. Incredible.. Just by saying the country, we make women disappear.. Power, that is pure power...

The paperboy

Sitting in Hesburger before going to Cafe Europa,

Me, a German, and a Finn,

The Finn is translating some news about Afghanistan to us..

Suddenly the paper gets ripped away from under our nose..

Some guy starts reading it..

We look up, at him, he notices us..

Asks us, if we were reading it..


“Oh, I am sorry, I heard you speak English, so I thought you were not reading it”

And so he thought, he did not even need to bother to ask…

I am not like the others

After talking to this 19 year old 1.90 Russian lady dating that 1.60 older guy, I decided, I will sit on that chair and enjoy the music..

The bar is empty anyway…

So I sit on the chair, my back to the wall..

Suddenly there is a tap on my shoulder.. And I know there are no girls sitting behind me..

A guy.. with a red nose

“You are alone?”

“Yeah”, and turn around..

A tap

“You are married?”

“No”, turn around

“You are not married..”


“You have many girlfriends”


“You lie”

“Whatever” turn around

A tap

“Why you sit here alone?”

“Because I want to”

“So how many girls you have?”


“You lie”

“Whatever”, turn around

A tap..

“So why you sit alone”

“Because I want sit alone, fine?? I hope you got that”

“Hey, I have been in Paris, for two years.. I am not like usual Finnish guys”

“OK, Fine.. Have fun”

With the look on my face, I got no more taps…

Monday, April 07, 2003

Wrong doggie

After checking some stories, I decided it is time to introduce some of my ”good end” stories... Seems like half the stories I have here, end up with me in bed alone, now that is bad for my image, ain’t it? :P

Met this girl in the summer time, on the terrace of Cafe europe, two and a half years ago... – three summers ago. Was the cousin of a friend of a very good friend of mine.. Only thing we spoke was “Hi”

Two summers ago, we met again in Cafe Europe, extreme fun conversation, dancing like in a competition trying to seduce eachother.. Continues for one or two meetings, then we end up on the way to her home. Damn I miss her..

On the way, she tell me
“I hope you are not afraid of dogs..”
“Dogs? Why shall I be?”
“’Cause I have one, a dogo”
“A dackel? Now, what is there to be afraid of a dackel?”

In Mersin, a friend of mine had a ratty dog, that creature was in love with my leg... Another friend had a psycho doberman, once his head appeared through the door when the owner was taking a dump.. The dog had missed him, so thought he’ll break the door.. some readers may remember this, the dogos name was Guard...
Another good friend, used to share with him an apartment, had this medium dog, that one used to jump on me when it saw me.. Many times had her nails in my legs, stomach...
So what shall I feel when I am told that I should not be afraid of a dackel? Dackel is teddy bear.. Not even that scary.. I mean a teddy bear is still a bear..

This is a dackel:

Here we continue:
“Yeah its a big dog though”
“A big dackel? C’mon, you are kidding me”
“no, no, it weighs over 40 kg, close to 50”




>“It weighs more than 40 kg, close to 50”<



>” It weighs more than 40 kg, close to 50”<

Olalala... A dackel weighing 40 kg... that is a fat bitch...
“Damn, that is a heavy dog.. what do you do, feed her with olive oil?”
“No, its a dog bread for hunting pumas and boars, and is not fatty..”
Here I stop.. watch the road.. Still am thinking of a dackel.. Cannot put a correlation between dackel, puma, boar, hunting, activity and 40 kg...
Even Guard would not have weighed more than 35, and he was a monster...
We are in front of her house, and as she takes out the keys, I hear heavy breathing.. and

DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM footsteps approaching...

Finnish Yeti??

She opens the door, and there is the dog, putting her head low, so she can smell around my crotch... A dackel, my ass.. This is a Valkoinen Hirviy in wrong spelling, White Monster...

It was a dogo... argentina dogo.. special breed.. fight until kill, or dead... No retreat.. No fat.. Muscle.. 50 kg.. Tongue hanging out.. When the tail hits the wall, the wall goes


This is a dogo:

Friday, April 04, 2003

I am patient

It happened couple of times…

The lady comes to my place after a bar, for a coffee, or for a dinner.. Or, I am at hers…

It was the first time we come together in a private place with a bed..

Lying in that bed late at night, fooling around,
“Finndistan, I will not have sex with you tonight. Will you be angry?”
Hey, I have been trained in various form of dealing with having no sex, not the first night, not the first week, not the first month, not the first year not the…..
“No, why shall I?”
“Just was curious”
And in all these instances, I never met the woman again…
.. I wanted, but she did not..What shall I say?
“Yes I’ll be angry you bitch, I spent all night here, trying to lay you… And you just want to sleep.. Bugger off!”
No, I am not that degraded to beg a woman for sex…
I will not do it..
But then, it seems that in this country, first night sex is a widespread experience, that when a man has to jerk off on the first night, he gets angry at the woman..
They are not used to having no sex in the first night as it seems. (*I draw your attention to the easy sex issue here)…
So, by saying that I actually do not mind, do I make the girl feel unwanted?
If I say I would be angry, what is that?
Shit…No, please no girl ever ask me that, just come and sleep..
And never ask me if sex is easy..
As it seems it is very easy for guys who do not know the value of this easiness..
And one thing: It does not hurt a man not to have sex.. As long as his dick is hanging free. The problem arises if petting with jeans on.. The pressure exerted on the dick is too large then, and the ball ache is unbearable.

So if a guys says, standing naked, "if I do not sleep with you my balls will hurt", he’s lying..

Wednesday, April 02, 2003

Crazy Ivan


A saturday night in Doris..

I’ve met a friend I hadn’t seen for long time, and she had a nice lady with her...

Got introduced.

When my friend and the new girl went to dance, I joined them..

Ohhh sexxy sexxy dances they do.. Eventually the new girl turns to me, and it is a dance which says the end of the night is not near..

Suddenly Leena*, my friend turns to the new one, says something in a harsh tone, and they both leave, the new one making an “I’ll be back in a minute” sign..

I dance.. 1 minute, 5 minutes.. No, the girl does not come back..

See her talking to a guy, the night is mine now...

She still looks at me, but I do not interfere with another guys business...

Because it has happened many times, that people have said their negative opinions about me to the girls I was talking to, I decided to send a message to Leena at 4 in the morning:

“I wonder what you told her...that she got lost”

“What do you mean? I did not tell her anything.. Do not want to hear this shit.. I told her you are a nice guy...” That was three messages sent after eachother

“Sorry then, must have been a misunderstanding, see, .bla bla”

“I am not interested in peoples f**klives.. Here’s her e mail.. I gave her your number.. “ That’s two messages...

So I get a message from the new one:

“I see why Leena is angry, your bald ****** friend grapped her ass last night”


· Now should I be pissed that I had an argument with Leena because some guy I know grapped her butts?
· That I missed a chance with a girl because of a butt issue?
· Should I be happy for him?· Praise his courage? Stupidity?· Angry at him, ‘cause of putting himself to risk? A little slap from Leena would break his neck, he’s half size..
· Be angry at my own paranoia?

p.s.: In the end it turned out that my bald friend was innocent after all.. Was blamed for the job a fin had done.... poor foreigners.. always are the first to blame (see Bommarit Victim)

p.s. 2: I learned that the guy talking to the new one was reciting poems.. Decided to learn some.. Like.. take me down to the paradise city, where the grass is green and the girls a pretty....

Thursday, March 27, 2003


Let’s go back for two months:

Am not single, have been dating for some months now..

But still having my occasional visits to the Tampere nightlife..

It was Nitelife... This woman passes by , eye contact, a hi, start talking.. She’s a designer.. Older than I..

We take a cab.. Go to Pispala, that’s where she lives.. We have sex..

In the morning, walking through Pizpala, it was a fresh, sunny day, I send a message to Topo:

“Walking here in Pizpala, the sun shining, the birds singing.. Even though I had sex last night, my body may be rested, but not me.. This is a strange feeling”, or something like it (its been almost two years since the incident)

Now we are at the present time

Me and Topo are at O’s (a lady) house, I am “reading Victoria’s Secrets”, Topo checking O's laptop, O checking Topo's phone, and I checking underwear...

Suddenly I hear O,


The message...

I just looked at Topo, to O, back to Topo, who has started smiling..

No escape... the villain has been catched.

People get caught by their partners, I get caught by O....

That is the incident where Topo learns to clean his phone..

I learned nothing, as usual..

Hanging cuffs

This is the lady, the hero in the story “Personality”..

Met her in Doris.. Long curly hair, interesting woman, a non-blonde.. (Women seem to be ready to believe every woman I talk to is blond.. You blondes...)

At the end of the nite, I get her phone number..

Call her the next day, and we go get a coffee..

I drink two coffees, she, I have lost count of her booze...

So, I drop her to her place and go home..

Another coffee night, and I ask her to join me.

She comes...

Comes, but what a problem girl.. It’s –20 outside, and she wants me to join her smoke downstairs.. Three times.. My poor ass froze that night..

Then, as if it not enough, she insists on going home, at 1 in the night, and I have to walk her to the bus stop.. OK, I do it..

The bus does not come..

So I say, “You have to stay with me.., I am not going out again for the bus at 2”

We go back, and I ask her if she wants something,

“yes, a tshirt and a boxer”

I give them to her, and lie into my bed, she comes beside me.. By now I am pissed.. It is late.. Tired.. Nothing has happened.. I try to touch her, no reaction.. So I say OK to myself, and lie to sleep..

Oh no, I am not even allowed to do that, now the lady wants to have my arm under her head, so it will fall dead in the middle of the night with horrible pain...

A week later she calls me to her place.. We drink.. I drink too much, can’t drive back.. So stay at her place, in her bed.. But what is she wearing? An ankle long thick nightgown.. Impossible to penetrate.. I manage somehow, she gets her fun, I get to sleep without a dead hand, but also deadly alive li’l member.

In Doris, surprise, I meet her..

Quite sober when I see her.. But drinking incredibly fast.. I see the end coming.. Tell her to stop.. Noooo.. Will drink... Not drunk yet... Actually she does not get drunk.. But gets red eyes, and would explode if you light a match.. This continues, I get my pissing state.., remembering the past meetings.. where I had to freeze.. sleep with a tent all night.. my booze collection getting small..

A whole night incident.

We decide to go to her home, to spend the night.. In the taxi cue, she starts acting strangely.. I get my anger flushing at why she did have to drink this much.. why, hell?
And then we go to her home, together with a friend of hers and her one night stand. They take the couch. We take the bed.. I am angry, frustrated.. and I play the game..

I succeed..

For the first I slept with someone because I was angry at her...

And since I left that house forever that morning, I never got to taste the use of the handcuffs hanging from the ceiling...


So, now it is near the end of the night subject to the story “Reasons for dinner”.

I have danced with my flirt, and we will leave the bar, Doris. She will not come with me nor will she invite me to her home, but I got the promise of walking her to her home, while having a coffee on the way.. That’s a start.

She tells me she’s going to tell goodbye to her friends, and then meet me at the stairs. Says me, ok.

I go to the stairs, oh who I see there, the heavy metal girl I have slept with, two weeks ago. Shit...

She turns to me, looks into my eyes, and flop, puts her hand into my pants.. I take the hand away.. She puts it in again, this time managing to get into my underpants.. I take the hand away, shake my head.. Takes her hand, grabs my crotch, and says,

“Let’s have fun”

I see the blonde hair approaching fastly.. Oh oh

“Can’t”, take her hand away

“Why?” (no comment)

“Gonna have tea with a lady, that’s why..” (For once I say the truth)

Now my flirt is behind me waiting, and the heavy metal girl starts,

“I thought you were different than the others when we met.. .. .. .. you same .. .. .. .no personality (I just wait and wait) . . .. .. .. .. .. you just wanted to f**k (so?).. .. .. .... shallow.. .... ... “

“Going, bye.”


So I left, thinking about the possibilities of what kind of thoughts my flirt must have in mind...

Sauna Fever

My first week here..

Go to the Hervanta Bar Sirkus with some friends.. We meet two nice looking girls there..

Oh, the are also Teekkaris (Tech. students)..

Chat, laugh, dance, flirt... We decide that we should go to Teekkari Sauna, and continue the night..

Good idea..

We go, get into the dressing room, the guys get rid of their clothes, one of the girls gets naked, but the one I was flirting with does not.. I say,

“Come to the sauna, everybody is there”

“No I will not, you only want to have sex with me..” Hö? Isn’t that why people date? (Kidding)

“Now come on, how did you get that idea?” (The problem must be me, I know someone you don’t know, yogiii yogiiii)

“No, I will not come. I do not trust you” Hö?


I go to the sauna, and when I leave for the balcony, I see the girl chatting with a Fin guy.. Before I even had time to feel cold, both left, into the silent night, to get it wet..

I wonder what is the difference in the things that I and the guy wanted.. No, sure, he does not want sex.. He just wants her company, and make her feels protected in his arms, but sex, noooooooo.. Not even in a little part in his body.. Ja ja, no, my ass...

The shipmate

Cafe Europa, me, Ö.G., Topo enter, there is no place, but three places free beside a couple..
We ask them, we sit down..

Hmm. The girl looks nice...

I go to get tea, when I come back, I see that the four are in a conversation.. the guy works on ships, and he recognized Turkish from a one-year visit in Antalya.. The girl also works on a ship, to Rostock, and is on leave..

Time passes, we decide to go to Nightlife.. The girl, and my friends.

In Nightlife, I continue to chat with the girl, we dance couple of slows, laugh, touch, da da di di...
Some time after we met, almost 6 hours of chatting she tells me, she is afraid of me because my one half is Turkish and Muslum, and even knowing my one half in German and Christian does not ease this..

“C’mon, be rational, you have talked to me so long now, you should have a little clue about me.. Now putting me into those categories is an insult against me”

“But you are half Muslum”

“So?” (Even though I have my own beliefs, in these situations, I move on being a Muslum, that is more fun)

“But you are half Muslum”


OK, just as you wish.. I leave..

Later I learn that Ö.G. had met this girl, and they talked, and he had the same problem, until he told her, “You are stupid, I will not talk to you”, and turned around..

The macho Ö.G. doing a feminine act.. Wish I were there..

The end..

Wednesday, March 26, 2003

The French Kiss

It was the fall of 2000, I was new in Finland. That night, hanging out with some French friends, we went to Vanha Diiva. After dancing for some time, Kevin and I left the dancefloor to sit on the railing above the entrance stairs, beside the dancefloor, started chatting. Suddenly, a girl appeared in front of me, and asked me

“Could I talk with you”

Startled, (what do you say there?? Yes of course, no thanx, yep, keep shooting, I am listening, you want to listen to ME???),

“Of course, why not”

Learning that I speak German fluently, she was so happy, and kept telling things, bla this,

“I was in Germany last summer, it was sooo nice...Oh Finnish summer is soo nice, and I love the winter..The darkness is sooo sad..”

bla that, and I listened, listened, listened...

Suddenly she got aware enough to see I also have a friend beside me, so she turns,

“What is your name?”


“Where are you from?”


There I saw sunshine in the girls eyes, one second passed, the girl turns to the dancefloor, her hand waving, and above all the loud music I heard her shout

“Anna, Minna, Sanna, come come, he is French!!”

That was not the first incident of this kind but definitely is the one that puts a mark.

What shall I think?

To be sad to spend that much time with a girl I was not interested in?That the French guy being French was just more valuable than me even though I was the one approached?What is there to think?

Just a smile :)

A smile, without the eyes smiling maybe..

Or, a smile coming from deep, ‘cause you know, you just know...

The one family

It all started on the day I drank homemade Absinthe..

Exiting Vainola, we entered the bus, I also had my ghost enter the bus too..

We were 6 or 7, all homemade absinthe drinkers, and loud..

In the back were some Finnish guys, silent, and looking at us in a strange way, eyes telling us to shut up..

“Hey guys, do not sit like there is a funeral, let’s sing”, but they did not join...

So, standing, I turn towards the guy sitting beside me, who is drinking something..

Ask what he’s drinking and from there, we get into conversation.

The names are not true but to make it easier..

Kalle tells me to try the girl sitting in front of him, Maria, that she’s an “Easy f**k”..I knew the face from school, but did not approach.

So, we go to Pulse. And some time later I need to pay my dues to mother earth.. Go down to the toilets..

Aha, there is Maria, I say hi, who are you waiting for.. Says she, Kalle..

Oh my, oh my, Kalle is Maria’s li’l bro.. S**t..

Two weeks later, me and the French go to Nite Train,

At some point, Kevin comes and tells me that he met this nice girl, Niina, and he wants her, but, she’s taken, engaged. The confusing thing is that her bigger sister wants him to sleep with her...
Later that night, I learn that, the girl trying to get Niina laid with my friend, her sister, is Maria, the same girl whose brother, Kalle, tried to get me to lay Maria..

Now that is a family....

It ain’t Fairplay

In my writings you will read many incidents where the foreigner, in this case, me, is being accused of not playing the game right..

So it happens once more,

Standing in Doris, talking to a lady who should not have been there that night, Sini* comes to me, and tells me she has heard rumors about me. before going into the rumors, let me tell you about the messenger, Katja*.. A young girl who is the friend of Kaisa*, the girl with the most beautiful hair, and such a nice face... A little overweight, no prob for me, that hair, that face.. (Also the hero in at least two other stories).. With that girl I dated for a month or so, did not sleep with her, said she had her reasons, slept in my place, without me attacking her... And Katja can pass rumours about me, that’s shameful...

Anyway, to the rumors:

“They say you fuck around”

“I am no monk”

“They say you fuck around”

Hands in front, praying, “I said I am no monk.., and I have no girlfriend, so am betraying nobody”

“I m just telling you what I heard” (I know I know)

“I heard worse” (Much worse)

“You know, I do not like men who sleep with many women” (ME, many women??? You MUST be joking)


“Yes I think that is not nice, I do not respect it” (Hmmmm, nothing is one sided, is it?)

So the conversation continues... With the girl saying these on one side, another listening on the other side... Whaaa I got pissed...

Let’s look at the woman accusing me:

Came to my place (picked her up from one of her friends’ place) because there was a group sex incident at her own place where at least one of the involved people was a one night stand. Situation can be that two had sex, the others were just present, or the others also joined, I do not know the situation.

Asked to come to my friends place (so much regret to have said no, ‘cause of my respect to my friend (another author here)) Because Jukka* (living together with Heidi*, and both are good friends of this Sini) had found a girl, and had no place to go to at that night, so he took Sini’s place... Ola ola...

When I have met her group in a bar, many times a guy from her close friends’ group has left the place with a lady to unknown adventures...

And this woman accuses me, UNFAIR UNFAIR UNFAIR..

*names made up

Reasons for dinner

After meeting her in a place with a bed a couple of times,

One night I met her in a bar.

She had way too much to drink..

Asked me if I would join her to her place..

Said “No thanx”..

Wanted me to explain why.. Told her I had my reasons.

I left the dancefloor..

Saw this blonde lady, I have been having eye contact with for the last 3 weeks.
Went to her, we started chatting.

We sat down... And suddenly this other lady appeared on the other side of my flirt.

She sat there a quarter of an hour, until she told my flirt she wants to speak with me..

What is there to do?

So, the talk starts,

Tells me many things, some true some not, most unnecessary complexities...

But the best part:

“Why did you come to dinner when I invited you?”

Why indeed, that is a very hard question.. “Look at my options, one, go out with some guys, have guy talk.. two, stay home (and mast**bate), three, go to a beautiful girl home, have dinner watch a movie and possibly have a nice night (it was quite nice indeed). What shall I choose in your opinion”

So ends the story.. She got up, and I went back to my flirt, to dance a slow song...

Indeed, did I do wrong by going to dinner.. Should I really have stayed home, and fooled around with my “brains” : )


Absolute Alcoholic (or what is the meaning of AA)

If this is Absolut votka, I prefer Finlandia..

No, this is happening almost every time I go out..

“Are you AA”

“Why do you not drink?”

The best one, (will use this in another article)

“that water glass in your hand looks scary!”

(Oh, this woman telling me those words, I will call you soon, no matter you are married or not.. S**t, so attractive, and so straight. R-e-s-p-e-c-t, and not to forget, you t-u-r-n-m-e-o-n)

Well yes, I do not drink as much as people around me drink... At least not when I am out, and driving back home...

Mentioning home,

Absinthe, versinthe, grappa, raki, russian votka, smirnoff, russian beer, bombay saphhire, dutch whiskey, bailey’s, feeney’s, kahlua.. All in my home.. And I am AA..


I am sorry I do not drink as much as you people...

My first drunk experience, even then I could walk home.. (drunk means really drunk)
In the other one, nearly choked a very good friend, because that drunk pushed me into the pine tree while I was peeing to it...

And others.. Laughter, pain, fun, sorrow...

Nowadays,I can’t afford to loose my next day for a hangover, hangover for a night that I was drunk, not remember what I did.. No my friend, I will stay sober.. And have a lively next day, even if it gets me pissed at the people around me, at the things that happened...

But what king of s**t is that you are accused of not drinking enough, what is the problem if my eyes can still see yours, what is the problem if I can still speak English, not Eanklöis¤#ch???

I am no AA, I am no non drinker, I am just someone who has the ability to enjoy a nice evening, accompanied by nice people and nice music, without having my blood run as alcohol...

Just do not run away when I am sober.. And I will not run when you are drunk..(that is a principle, not touch a woman who’s had too much alcohol)

I respect your alcohol, and you respect my 1 beer.

We all live happily together.

Eeeeeeazy Riiider

How many times does a man need to hear these words:

“Do you think Finnish women are easy?”

Or some other way of saying those words in a not so nice way as I have put it?

I have lost count.

Well, let’s see..

The number of intn’l students coming here adds up geometrically (That is, instead of 1,2,3,4; we get 1,2,4,8) every year.. When I came first, we were 40. Then came 80. 200. These numbers are much higher if you consider all round year and non technical arrivals..

There must be a reason.. and most are men.. I hear someone saying “The Finnish winter”. Did I hear right? There must be a mistake... Even the Finns hate it (if not the cold, the darkness)..

And why do the shop owners in south Turkey celebrate upon the arrival of a Finnish tourist group, a group usually buying nothing else than drinks... What has a carpet store worker to celebrate for the arrival of a not-money-spending group?

This argument can be played on, because it does not take place in Finland..

And the question is stated in the wrong society, a society where women are said to be most equal with men.. Where women are said to be independent.. Taking the phrase equal sexes, then we see that, just as men want to have casual sex, so do women.. Oh, no, every woman wants to beloved and love... Until the end of their lives.. Yeah.. yeah…

So, everybody agrees that if wanted, the number of men a woman can lay as one night stands, if she wants to, is much much larger than the case for a man laying women.. So, men are easy, or men do not choose as strict..

In a society, where women are free to choose their behaviour, why do I get asked, accusingly, “that I believe Finnish women are easy of not”.. Self esteem? Or, maybe the women know that having sex in this coutry for a man is so easy that they tend to forget the value? Women know, have always known...

I have seen girls go out with a guy who talked to them, after the 5th minute.. Oh, that is being difficult. Not that it did not happen to me..

And then, one point that pisses me off, is that I actually respect the so-called easiness.. I respect it with all my heart.. But try to get the ladies to understand that...

What would my answer be to the question?


Out of Finland.. Oh yeeFor Finns, Oh yeeeeFor foreigner, it depends,

But for ME, you are so F**KING difficult you cannot imagine..

Yep, here you have the answer.

Action reaction

As disgusting as I am, dating these women, Kaisa*, and Leena* the same time.. So different they are.. One 20, one 29. One tall, one not.. One hyperactive, one silent and calm...

Anyway, a friday night, I am going to meet Kaisa, and tell her that I want to break up, reason my own. (the real reason was that I understood that we will not have sex for a loooong time to come.. hmmm, I am disgusting).. So we got to Memphis, I get her a cider, myself a Velko, and we start talking.... By the time we leave, we are not dating anymore, and I can concentrate on Leena.

Yeah yeah

Leaving Memphis, I meet Leena in Teerenpeli, planning to have a fun dance night and then go to her home, and continue with the fun.. But she seems calm, unusually calm..I get her to speak, and in the end, reason unimportant, she tells me she wants to end the dating thing.. HA? Did I hear right?

Oh holy s**t, if I had seen this coming, if only I had seen this coming..

Afternoon, I have two girlfriends, early night, I dump one, middle night, I am dumped, in the later hours, I am in a bar, single, beer in my hand, laughing about the night with Topo.. the situation so desperate, nothing else left to do, other than laugh your guts out.

*Names made up

Wappu pee pee

So, wappu time, me and friends walking in the park by the river, Koskipuisto, enjoying the Kirsberry votka we drank in our bloods...

I see the blond curls flying in the little wind u ahead the trail, so I tell the guys to wait until I come back.. Go to Kaisa*, and have a chat..

After a while I hear people shouting my name, just think, can’t those fools wait until I am finished...

When I am finished, I get the news, a girl just kneeled down a meter behind me, in broad daylight, in a full park, took down her trousers, and relaxed onto the grass.... And my eyes were looking into some blue eyes which were said goodbye to, a few days ago..

For further info, I am aware of the uncivil beings shouting my name, or of me, wishing not to have missed that sight, but we are men, only men

*names made up


This girl I meat two years ago, Jenni*. She looked just like Madonna, had a nice stride, nice smile, was a sweet li’l girl..

Those were the times when I was still in the dating mood, so to say.. Started going out on dates with her, chatting, drinking coffee, bla bla bla..

One time, we were sitting near the Koskipuisto, on a bank below some Seagull statue, and I told her that I know there is something wrong.

“I do not trust you”

And some few other words, indicating she will not come to my place, for she is afraid of something I long ago stopped trying to discover...

Some weeks later, I saw her in Ilves, she had dyed her hair, while having too much alcohol in her veins, and that looked bad, no matter for me..

Some more weeks later, again in Ilves, I saw her, and we chatted for some time.. She disappeared.

The bar closed, and I am sitting on a chair, enjoying the sights under bright light, with Burak by my side. The phone rang.

“Finndistan, I do not know where I am, am in a bathroom.. Somewhere in the hotel... ... ... Somebody is knocking at the door... .... Think they will do a party.. .. . .. I do not want to be with the party... . . .. .. Now they want to party in the bathtub.. I want to go... “

“Give the phone to someone there”

“Uh, hullo?”

“Hey, hi.. I heard from Jenni you will have a party there..”

“Yes. We will. Wanna join? Room 1123”

“OK, I will”


So I go to the room somehow, and knock the door..

“Who is it”

“We just talked on the phone, am here to talk to Jenni”

“She’s not here”

“She is, I know, you told me on the phone”

Door opens, and I enter the room, three guys, two in bed with Jenni’s friend, one in bed with the drunk Jenni, who’s covered her face with a pillow. I get Jenni out, and break the party (Now, that was the best part, to distrupt the party!) We talk, and she says she wants to go home, so her friend agrees to take her home, I say OK, and leave Jenni to her friend..

Do not know what they did after that, nor do I care much.. I had my fun in walking to a hotel room filled with 3 horny guys and snatching the woman just from their faces, and none of them even moved. Now that WAS fun!

Ah, and by the way, her friend tells me Jenni likes me, answer:

“As long as she does not know it herself and tells me, it is worthless” (an answer I have loved since then)

Moral of the story, a girl who doesn’t want to come to my place because she doesn’t trust me, sees no problem to go to a hotel room with 3 other guys, her girlfriend being just a detail...
Mama donna,I just wonda....

Some of you will say that eventually she wanted to go away, but the point is that she went there in the first place... Ah ma-donna ah.. *names made up