I received a comment to my previous blog entry about single moms, and gave a reply to it.
Then I decided to modify it a bit and make it a blog post.
The original can be found
here.
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To the second poster.
One, I am almost totally sure this is a female talking.
The used language, which I will quote to give my answers sentence by sentence, just tells me that. Nothing wrong with a female commenter of course.
But something wrong with a cheap attempt in trying to shame men for standing up fr themselves, and also a cheap attempt in defining what a man is.
"The image you are giving of men is pathetic."
Don't try to shame me. The image I give is not pathetic, it is a person who respects his nature and one of his foremost needs. You call it pathetic for the sole reason that it does not serve your purpose. A man who has preferences in a woman is not pathetic, he is picky.
"Really, a real man doesn't consider children as sperm."
Real man. Hmmm... More intended shaming. Who are you to define what a real man is? Maybe we should let the men decide what it is to be "real man"..??? Well, let's redefine sperm as bloodline. And yes, a man considers his children to be HIS legacy, HIS bloodline... Not some other dude's from his lady's past.
And bloodline.. That feeling of bloodline is what has created civilizations, and that is what has caused men so readily to give their lives in wars for the protection of their offspring and women.
Take that away... you take his existence away..
Oh sorry, "Real men" don't need that. Right?
"For a real man it's not that difficult to be an adult friend to a child that's not his"
I accept. But for the child it is said to take two years to accept the man as some kind of authority figure.
A man must love a woman a lot, to undergo that.
"A wise man understands that this kind of things are just that difficult as adults make them. "
A wise woman knows that her choices have consequences.
"And he will be happy because he won't pass the woman of his life just because she's got a child. "
This was a side concept in the story. I was mainly talking about the entitlement the women showed.
And, men need to be as pragmatic as women in these things. Not think with their dicks.
Women are far more realistic than men in relationship issues. A man with an ex-wife problem will easily be overlooked by many women, who in the same time expect eligible men to overlook the two brats they got in tow.
"In this case, there are more wise women than men, I guess?"
Women and men in these cases have very different controlling conditions, so the fact that they make different choices also is based on the fact that they start off at different conditions. Comparing oranges to apples, you cannot say which one is wiser. You can say which one you sympathize more, and why. And I can disagree.
"Oh dear, I feel so sorry for those narrow-minded men."
Shaming shaming...
Narrow minded because they require responsibility from the woman on her choices.. Wow... I thought that was a main condition of being an adult. Responsibility.
"Luckily, I know, there are a lot of wise men too. "
Glad I am not close with any of the men labeled "wise" by this mentality.
"Don't you know couple of them too?"
I know... I know the ones which fot my definition.
Some are honest bachelors living their life to fullest,
Some are good fathers good husbands living their life to fullest, respecting their family and people around them. Striving hard to make a quality life for their family.
All these men hold themselves to high standards, and thus expect high standards from their surroundings.
And if the bachelors one day decide that the kid of woman is not problem, they will be good fathers to that kid.
But if they decide that they want to spend their life raising their own bloodline, that will be their preference, and their way of being evolutionarily wise.
It is interesting how something that serves a natural purpose of the man is so readily rejected by a person, possibly a woman.
Nobody is rejecting the fact that women so openly look for ambition, potential, good job in a man, all which translates into the ability of a man to support a family.
But then when the man wants this family he is going to support for the rest of his life to be his, then it is shallow....
Oh well, I said what is needed to be said.
Still couple of comments.
ReplyDelete"A man who has preferences in a woman is not pathetic, he is picky." You are not talking about the same thing. Of course everyone has preferences in a woman/man. But you are supporting the“Boys are boys” -image of men. As they would be forced to follow they animal insticts without the possibility to think rational. That is pathetic.
"You call it pathetic for the sole reason that it does not serve your purpose." What purpose? I am not looking for a supporter for someones sperm. I would rather have and raise my children alone than with a man considering them as sperm.
"A wise woman knows that her choices have consequences." That was bad! Well, maybe it is the possibility to have a child alone, what women get as a compensation of carrying the whole responsibility. You did mention that men shouldn’t think with their dicks, but what then? What if they do? All those wise men with high standards that you know, they never fucked anyone but their wifes without a condom?
The main problem is that you seem to have no understanding to the fact that people, men or women, have different reasons beeing single moms or dads. It’s not always that some hasn’t been responsible.
"It is interesting how something that serves a natural purpose of the man is so readily rejected..." I really don’t get the natural purpose. How are people not raised by their biological parents more useless than the others?
"Nobody is rejecting the fact that women so openly look for ambition, potential, good job in a man, all which translates into the ability of a man to support a family." Really? I at least think that is pathetic as well. If those are the main criteria or bottom line, I wouldn’t value that kind of a women any higher than your men. I reject the image you are giving of single moms. You have met some. I realize there are also those you discribe, but that is a limited group, propably over-represented in nightlife.
About the alimony, it is paid to that parent with whom the children live, has nothing to do with sex. And it’s not paid to an ex-wife or ex-husband.
About one thing we agree, I’m almost totally a woman :)
You call men who follow their most natural instinct,- an instinct which has given rise to every single one aspect of civilization;- namely the instinct to breed; pathetic.
ReplyDeleteAs an example: If you look around, the way women behave with short term relationships, long term relationships, the guys they choose to be with and the reasons to start, continue and end a relationship, you will see there is nothing else than instinct dictating their behavior. Instinct is the sole factor determining what these preferences and choices are. (Exceptions will prove this rule)
But this, we call choice, not pathetic, right? (one day in the future this will be a post)
"You call it pathetic for the sole reason that it does not serve your purpose." What purpose? I am not looking for a supporter for someone’s sperm. I would rather have and raise my children alone than with a man considering them as sperm.
You would not go on an insulting rampage if there would be no stake of yours in the game. And you not looking for a supporter does not negate the fact that many women are indeed looking for one.
I have heard no man call his own children sperm.
Children to a man are his legacy. His immortality. His sons and his daughters.
But once you expect a man to raise somebody else’s legacy, or support you doing that, yes, then it is somebody else’s sperm.
Well, maybe it is the possibility to have a child alone, what women get as a compensation of carrying the whole responsibility. You did mention that men shouldn’t think with their dicks, but what then? What if they do? All those wise men with high standards that you know, they never fucked anyone but their wifes without a condom?
Condom or no condom. Every man should protect himself from the rampant STDs and unwanted little rascals by using condoms. Statistics show that women are not trustworthy to use the pill when their needs dictate otherwise.
But as long as men have no say on their fatherhood, and men have no right in any part of the decision of whether a baby should be born or not, it is in the end 100% the woman’s responsibility. 100% control over the choice means also (should mean) 100% responsibility.
The main problem is that you seem to have no understanding to the fact that people, men or women, have different reasons being single moms or dads. It’s not always that some hasn’t been responsible.
What I say is almost independent of the conditions. If there is a kid, that is baggage.
Of course there are factors that need to be taken into account, like if the woman is a widow…
"It is interesting how something that serves a natural purpose of the man is so readily rejected..." I really don’t get the natural purpose. How are people not raised by their biological parents more useless than the others?
Why then are we not asking women to adopt kids in need rather than popping out their carbon copies? Then it is acceptable not to want somebody else’s kid.
But if a man wants to raise his own child…. Behold the blasphemy!!!
"Nobody is rejecting the fact that women so openly look for ambition, potential, good job in a man, all which translates into the ability of a man to support a family." Really? I at least think that is pathetic as well. If those are the main criteria or bottom line, I wouldn’t value that kind of a women any higher than your men. I reject the image you are giving of single moms. You have met some. I realize there are also those you discribe, but that is a limited group, propably over-represented in nightlife.
You may think it is pathetic.
Let’s see…
Are you willing to date a handsome bum?
You look at a man’s hands, you look into his brain, you ask about his job, you check his style, you look at his flat, at his car, at his social status… Of course this is because you only want to know him as a person, only his human immaterial characteristics, not thinking a little bit about the future of a family. Nope.
Are you willing to leave your kids at home with your man who works part time as a cleaner in the evenings and be prepared to work full time for the rest of your life to support him and your family that he is raising? Are you willing to work full time when your kid is sick, while he is home tending the kid?
Single moms. Probably they have no time to go out to the nightlife… I say they are underrepresented in the nightlife.…
Anyway with 50% divorce rate, that is pretty much half the population.
Btw, you are saying “your men”… It is not “my men”, it is any man who has the respect to his own existence and has his priorities straightened out, and has …. options with women..
If he is in the position of choosing who to be with – fyi, that makes him in the top 10%, if not even higher- then he will not choose a single mom over a childless woman with similar qualities.
Just like you would not choose a chubby nerd over a nerd with a sixpack. – Unless you got security issues and know that the chubby one will be totally trustworthy while the other one raises question marks in your brain, that is, still with the same behavior.
About the alimony, it is paid to that parent with whom the children live, has nothing to do with sex. And it’s not paid to an ex-wife or ex-husband.
Well, this is like women saying: “the one who asks the other one for a date pays the date.. and this is equal”, hiding the fact that almost always the man is the one asking out.
Same here, the default judgment on custody is on the mother.
The percentages are out in the net, but it is close or bit over to 90% of the time that the mother is defaulted custody… So where does child support go to?
(Alimony is the money paid to a ex, independent of kids, some kind of repayment for the time lost in the relationship. What you are talking about is child support. )
About one thing we agree, I’m almost totally a woman :)
At last I agree to something you say.