In Panama, she was the first one to come and say hi, of course, when I was chatting with a little cutie, who turned out to be a reader of Finndistan, honoring me.
This is the girl from the story Brainstorming on one lost battle.. We met again at the exit of the bar…
While we are walking to the central square, she comes up with a comment about a friend that almost made me turn around and slap her face with a full blow by the back of my hand…
That did not happen, just for info… Though she deserved it…
Then when things settled, we were talking, and I told her,
“You Finn girls do not see that the foreigners come from a different culture.. You do not see that a different culture exists, and in that culture, behaviour is different. A foreigner acting in a special way, may have a different personality, intention and motivation that a finn… Possibly even uncomparable. And what is considered normal behavior in his culture may be feared or taken as desperate… ”
(By this I do not mean the women running around in chadors, or the irish women with twelve kids, or the german way of arrogance.
For example, a foreigner turning his back to you, is possibly telling you to fuck off, but a finn doing the same, is just playing the desperate “hunt me” game… That’s just one…
And I believe, and I have seen, as well as lived, that a foreigner, after all his lifelong training, if, chooses to play the finnish way, gets immense power. Turning into a fuckmachine running over corpses. )
“You explain everything by culture, that is wrong”
Soon after that we reached the square, and the conversation faded.
I take most of it resulting of culture.
Culture is formed by many factors, the biggest one being humans themselves.
But once culture is formed by these factors, it starts controlling the human behaivor.
Though there is the fact that every human is an individual, understanding the surrounding culture, the society allows you to predict the actions he/she is going to undertake with a high accuracy.
So, when I take the main reason as culture, I give the majority of the people acting in a way they do not like, e.g.: shyness, the power to change this, keeping in mind that the culture is a shy one, and that it is extremely difficult to run out of these boundaries.
Now,
If, culture is not the reason.
Then, for finns not being able to accept, tolerate and respect different cultures,… forget that…., simply not even realize the existence of different cultures, it must be an individual thing. And being so closed on individual choice, in fact, allows a person to label Finns as bigots, racists, single minded, and definitely not open minded, not even considering to think about, let alone change, their way of behaviour – which they complain so much about- , selfish and ignorant.
By the way, that is not what I think.
It is what I would think, ignoring the cultural effect.
Though someone wants to change, the surroundings may prevent it.
That is my idea.
Take this as you wish…..
As a flock of people, selfish, ignorant, alcoholics, rabbits, racists,
Or,
As a people, on the constant change, slowed down by the culture arisen from the ancestors, climate, geography, but striving for a better life, as slow as it may come.
For me, it’s the latter.
For you?
Saturday, January 29, 2005
Monday, January 17, 2005
You have a girlfriend.... Problem?
“The thing is, I have a girlfriend”
“You miss her?”
“Yes I do”
…. she leans closer, to his ear:
“You could kiss me, and you could think of her… You could fuck me, while thinking of her”
p.s.: this is not me.
“You miss her?”
“Yes I do”
…. she leans closer, to his ear:
“You could kiss me, and you could think of her… You could fuck me, while thinking of her”
p.s.: this is not me.
Sunday, January 16, 2005
Bum Bloodbath
”He was just a bum”
American teenagers talking to the judge, during trials for killing a homeless man.
What is going on in Tampere these days?
Because it is between my gym and home, the train station is something which I pass by more than once every day.
Train station, is also the bum center of town. Maybe not literally homeless, but close to the description, they are…
Sometimes alone, sometimes in groups, a heavy smell of sweat and alcohol in the air.
In the past few days, I have been noticing that everyday another one had a cut face, badly bruised….
By now, half the buns I see have a badly cut face, blue eyes, a stitched eyebrow…
Yesterday saw this man and woman, woman’s both eyes blue, the man looked like out of a war…
Are these bums trying to kill each other,
Or I wonder,
Are there some attacks on them?
“They are just bums.”
“Its dark, I am depressed, I need a punching bag...”
Today I will walk again, and wonder which one of them will be the lucky one….
American teenagers talking to the judge, during trials for killing a homeless man.
What is going on in Tampere these days?
Because it is between my gym and home, the train station is something which I pass by more than once every day.
Train station, is also the bum center of town. Maybe not literally homeless, but close to the description, they are…
Sometimes alone, sometimes in groups, a heavy smell of sweat and alcohol in the air.
In the past few days, I have been noticing that everyday another one had a cut face, badly bruised….
By now, half the buns I see have a badly cut face, blue eyes, a stitched eyebrow…
Yesterday saw this man and woman, woman’s both eyes blue, the man looked like out of a war…
Are these bums trying to kill each other,
Or I wonder,
Are there some attacks on them?
“They are just bums.”
“Its dark, I am depressed, I need a punching bag...”
Today I will walk again, and wonder which one of them will be the lucky one….
Saturday, January 15, 2005
Yes. A man is supposed to excuse himself for everything.
OR NOT???
Situation 1:
Sitting on the edge of a chair, when suddenly the chair is jerked of under my feet, and I almost fall, if not able to catch hold, could have crushed the girl pulling the chair under me.
Possibility 1:
Turn to the girl,
“I am sorry. Did not realize you were going to sit here”
Action 1:
Turn to the girl:
“You know, when somebody is sitting somewhere, you do not pull the chair under them without notice, do you?”
Her friend sitting across the table starts shouting:
“Voi vittu saatana…..” Some curse words which I ignore.
Back to the girl:
“I almost fell... I would not want that. I almost fell on you. You definitely would not want that.”
The girlfriend still shouting some mambo jambo...
“Now, I expect an apology from you”
“I am sorry” she says, and her girlfriend stops shouting…
Outcome 1:
Five minutes later she hits her head on my arm, says she is sorry while I caress her hair is an “oh, it’s ok” kind of way… I don’t know how it would have continued, as a friend passed by.
Situation 2:
Walking in the bar... See a good friend from the gym, I am drunk, he is drunk, so instead of shaking hands like civilized males, we bump into each other, hug, and say “Whazzzup”?
When the bumping humping is finished, I notice this tall girl standing there, cleaning some drink from her sweater, or skirt, dunno... Think it was some white wine…
Looking totally pissed off, like a bull in an arena…
Possibility 2:
“I am sorry, did not pay attention. I see your drink is still full, but let me get you another one, as my sincere apologies…”
Action 2:
Look at her, at the glass, at the skirt… Undress her in the meanwhile with my eyes... Look back at her,
“Wrong time, wrong place, eh?” and smile…
The bull is totally shocked, angry face turns into puppy looking lost look,
I continue, mentioning the glass,
“Is there something I can do for you?”
Silence…
“No, thank you”
I leave...
Outcome 2:
During the night, she was always somewhere close to me….
Summary:
Is there a point?
No, there is no fucking point,
Just wanted to brag about silencing enemies without starting a war with them.
And felt good.
Ah,
Maybe there is a point…
I ain’t the one who’s gonna tell it.
Situation 1:
Sitting on the edge of a chair, when suddenly the chair is jerked of under my feet, and I almost fall, if not able to catch hold, could have crushed the girl pulling the chair under me.
Possibility 1:
Turn to the girl,
“I am sorry. Did not realize you were going to sit here”
Action 1:
Turn to the girl:
“You know, when somebody is sitting somewhere, you do not pull the chair under them without notice, do you?”
Her friend sitting across the table starts shouting:
“Voi vittu saatana…..” Some curse words which I ignore.
Back to the girl:
“I almost fell... I would not want that. I almost fell on you. You definitely would not want that.”
The girlfriend still shouting some mambo jambo...
“Now, I expect an apology from you”
“I am sorry” she says, and her girlfriend stops shouting…
Outcome 1:
Five minutes later she hits her head on my arm, says she is sorry while I caress her hair is an “oh, it’s ok” kind of way… I don’t know how it would have continued, as a friend passed by.
Situation 2:
Walking in the bar... See a good friend from the gym, I am drunk, he is drunk, so instead of shaking hands like civilized males, we bump into each other, hug, and say “Whazzzup”?
When the bumping humping is finished, I notice this tall girl standing there, cleaning some drink from her sweater, or skirt, dunno... Think it was some white wine…
Looking totally pissed off, like a bull in an arena…
Possibility 2:
“I am sorry, did not pay attention. I see your drink is still full, but let me get you another one, as my sincere apologies…”
Action 2:
Look at her, at the glass, at the skirt… Undress her in the meanwhile with my eyes... Look back at her,
“Wrong time, wrong place, eh?” and smile…
The bull is totally shocked, angry face turns into puppy looking lost look,
I continue, mentioning the glass,
“Is there something I can do for you?”
Silence…
“No, thank you”
I leave...
Outcome 2:
During the night, she was always somewhere close to me….
Summary:
Is there a point?
No, there is no fucking point,
Just wanted to brag about silencing enemies without starting a war with them.
And felt good.
Ah,
Maybe there is a point…
I ain’t the one who’s gonna tell it.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
A new definition of bastard...
Married guy,
After a night in Panama, a workplace party, he, after being totally passive – I saw it, I can testify for it – end up outside, with a lady.
“Goodnight” he says,
“What goodnight” she says…
“I will go to my place…”
“You fucking bastard….”
By not making a move, had he acted willing? I would so much like to understand…
Monday, January 10, 2005
Humans or pussy?
Was talking to a friend.
And the question came up:
“You know, these women having no clue that someone can also see them as the human they are is something I cannot grasp”
The answer he gave was:
“Because they do not want you to see in their true being , in their desperation”
“Ha?”
“See, if you see them as pussy, they have what you want, they give you what you want, while also getting what they want, but you are the desperate one, not them….”
“And?”
“If you see them like human, they will not be able to give them what you want, and you will see through their mask, their desperation.”
“So, they basically run away from the situation where they may be treated as humans, a thing which will end up in the revealing of their desperation”
“True”
“What I get from this is that, women should be treated as mere pussies..”
“Yes..”
“Hmmm…. Not totally, women should be treated like pussies that we do not want”
“Better.. Very sad”
The friend who I talk about in the text added:
I didn't say that! ((( Finndistan:I said it, and he agreed.))) I'm still a gentleman :-) There are exception of course... I personally would never treat a woman as a mere pussy unless the situation requires that or it is her that wants to be treated like that (read as fuck buddies) (((Finndistan: For me, fuckbuddies are more than pussies. I meet them, I spend time more than the first night with them. So they have more of a value that the way pussy is used in the text above. After all, I respect my fuckbuddies. Do I respect a one night stand? Of course. Providing she also treats me with respect. If not, then not))) But of course I'm generalising here, while I guess you are focused on the "night bitches"... (((Finndistan: night bitches.. maybe.. as they also live among us… maybe some of them are daytime nicetieis??)))
And the question came up:
“You know, these women having no clue that someone can also see them as the human they are is something I cannot grasp”
The answer he gave was:
“Because they do not want you to see in their true being , in their desperation”
“Ha?”
“See, if you see them as pussy, they have what you want, they give you what you want, while also getting what they want, but you are the desperate one, not them….”
“And?”
“If you see them like human, they will not be able to give them what you want, and you will see through their mask, their desperation.”
“So, they basically run away from the situation where they may be treated as humans, a thing which will end up in the revealing of their desperation”
“True”
“What I get from this is that, women should be treated as mere pussies..”
“Yes..”
“Hmmm…. Not totally, women should be treated like pussies that we do not want”
“Better.. Very sad”
The friend who I talk about in the text added:
I didn't say that! ((( Finndistan:I said it, and he agreed.))) I'm still a gentleman :-) There are exception of course... I personally would never treat a woman as a mere pussy unless the situation requires that or it is her that wants to be treated like that (read as fuck buddies) (((Finndistan: For me, fuckbuddies are more than pussies. I meet them, I spend time more than the first night with them. So they have more of a value that the way pussy is used in the text above. After all, I respect my fuckbuddies. Do I respect a one night stand? Of course. Providing she also treats me with respect. If not, then not))) But of course I'm generalising here, while I guess you are focused on the "night bitches"... (((Finndistan: night bitches.. maybe.. as they also live among us… maybe some of them are daytime nicetieis??)))
Saturday, January 08, 2005
What backgammon is not...
That night, we went to Koti,
Seven, eight guys, and one girlfriend….
Looking around I see that they have these nice leather backgammon boards….
I start craving for a game…
Turn around, and ask the Indian behind me if he plays backgammon, I had forgotten that the game chess was invented by Indians, not backgammon..
No, he says,
So I ask two other indians, and a few finns…
No… is the answer…
I find the guy who I did not ask yet, who likes these “game evenings”,
“Hey, do you know if anybody here plays backgammon?”
“Yea, lets play..”
“Right, so you know how to”
“Wait, let me find people.. How many players do we need?”
I gave up the search.
Seven, eight guys, and one girlfriend….
Looking around I see that they have these nice leather backgammon boards….
I start craving for a game…
Turn around, and ask the Indian behind me if he plays backgammon, I had forgotten that the game chess was invented by Indians, not backgammon..
No, he says,
So I ask two other indians, and a few finns…
No… is the answer…
I find the guy who I did not ask yet, who likes these “game evenings”,
“Hey, do you know if anybody here plays backgammon?”
“Yea, lets play..”
“Right, so you know how to”
“Wait, let me find people.. How many players do we need?”
I gave up the search.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Sometimes I deserve to get whipped
Amsterdam…
New Year’s Eve…
Melkweg…
Huge party…
A lot of beautiful people…
A lot of booze…
Unbeliavably good music…
I go to the cafeteria upstairs to get a drink..
See this girl…
Think it is the girl I talked to, in Paradiso, two days ago..
Sit down by her,
Have a lovely chat… For an hour or so…
It is around two, and the girl says,
“What will you do tomorrow?”
“Possibly sleep”
“Do you have a phone number?”
“Hmmm… Let me give you my mail, that is more universal…”
Give my email, take hers, and she leaves, I go down to the dancefloor…
When I realized what I did…, not even the next morning…, at the exit of Melkweg,
I was looking for a pole to bang my head on…
Over and over….
New Year’s Eve…
Melkweg…
Huge party…
A lot of beautiful people…
A lot of booze…
Unbeliavably good music…
I go to the cafeteria upstairs to get a drink..
See this girl…
Think it is the girl I talked to, in Paradiso, two days ago..
Sit down by her,
Have a lovely chat… For an hour or so…
It is around two, and the girl says,
“What will you do tomorrow?”
“Possibly sleep”
“Do you have a phone number?”
“Hmmm… Let me give you my mail, that is more universal…”
Give my email, take hers, and she leaves, I go down to the dancefloor…
When I realized what I did…, not even the next morning…, at the exit of Melkweg,
I was looking for a pole to bang my head on…
Over and over….
Size matters.
There is a rumour about a Turkish guy following a black man into the toilets, just to ease his curiosity of the guy’s dick size...
He never recovered….
…..
And here is a summary of a conversation that happened a month or so ago, I leave it to you to decide how to take it.
Buddy: I like that girl over there.
Me: I know her friend, we can go have a chat.
Buddy: Let’s go…
Me: Hi (To the friend, girl that I know)
Friend: Hello..
Me: So what are you girls talking about (To the other two, talking, one is the girl my buddy is interested in)
Girl 1: You don’t wanna know.
Girl 2: Girltalk
Me: Come on.. that is invaluable insider information.. What were you talking about?
Girl 1: So this girl is talking to a guy and then another girl goes to her and tells her he sucks in bed (makes a motion with the fingers, so they show half a cigarette sized dick).. The girl leaves…
Girl 2: See, you would not want to hear that..
Me: On the contrary, this is an insight to the truth…
Girl 1: Yea.. I like it big..
Me: so you like it big, or biiiiiiig.. (making extreme signs of small and big dicks)
Girl 1: Biiiiiig
Buddy: No. You are wrong, size is nothing..
Girl 1: No it is important.. Big is better…
Buddy: No. Ze size is not important…
Girl 1: ….
Buddy: It is how the man uses his dick. Not the size…
Me, trying to interfere without success…
Girl 2, and Friend cracking up…
Girl 1: I prefer bigger dicks.
Buddy: Then you have not slept with the right man who can use it…
Girl 1: I have to go..
Me, standing there still trying to comprehend the fast self destruction, Girl 2 and Friend having a knowing smile….
In the end,
Size does matter.
My friend commented: As long as the guy knows how to use his dick, size is not that important. Then again, too small, is too small.....
He never recovered….
…..
And here is a summary of a conversation that happened a month or so ago, I leave it to you to decide how to take it.
Buddy: I like that girl over there.
Me: I know her friend, we can go have a chat.
Buddy: Let’s go…
Me: Hi (To the friend, girl that I know)
Friend: Hello..
Me: So what are you girls talking about (To the other two, talking, one is the girl my buddy is interested in)
Girl 1: You don’t wanna know.
Girl 2: Girltalk
Me: Come on.. that is invaluable insider information.. What were you talking about?
Girl 1: So this girl is talking to a guy and then another girl goes to her and tells her he sucks in bed (makes a motion with the fingers, so they show half a cigarette sized dick).. The girl leaves…
Girl 2: See, you would not want to hear that..
Me: On the contrary, this is an insight to the truth…
Girl 1: Yea.. I like it big..
Me: so you like it big, or biiiiiiig.. (making extreme signs of small and big dicks)
Girl 1: Biiiiiig
Buddy: No. You are wrong, size is nothing..
Girl 1: No it is important.. Big is better…
Buddy: No. Ze size is not important…
Girl 1: ….
Buddy: It is how the man uses his dick. Not the size…
Me, trying to interfere without success…
Girl 2, and Friend cracking up…
Girl 1: I prefer bigger dicks.
Buddy: Then you have not slept with the right man who can use it…
Girl 1: I have to go..
Me, standing there still trying to comprehend the fast self destruction, Girl 2 and Friend having a knowing smile….
In the end,
Size does matter.
My friend commented: As long as the guy knows how to use his dick, size is not that important. Then again, too small, is too small.....
Monday, January 03, 2005
Why is it the wrong one?
Melkweg…
New year’s eve…
Am walking around..
Suddenly a loud conversation emerges on my right…
Turn, and approach these six people, mixed men and women,¨
“So people, what about translating that?” – As they were showing me while talking…
This gorgeous late twenty girl shows me her friend, late twenties, countryside girl… huge breasts…
“This women is the most single girl in the bar”
“what about you?”
“Sorry I am not..”
“Hmmm… Wrong timing, wrong place, wrong girl…” – To the whole group, “Goodnite”
Five thirty….
I am going to the other dancefloor…
Part of the group is sitting…
A guy in the group goes:
“Hey you still single? She is single, what’ya think about it?”
Have to admit…
The thought crossed my mind for a few seconds….
New year’s eve…
Am walking around..
Suddenly a loud conversation emerges on my right…
Turn, and approach these six people, mixed men and women,¨
“So people, what about translating that?” – As they were showing me while talking…
This gorgeous late twenty girl shows me her friend, late twenties, countryside girl… huge breasts…
“This women is the most single girl in the bar”
“what about you?”
“Sorry I am not..”
“Hmmm… Wrong timing, wrong place, wrong girl…” – To the whole group, “Goodnite”
Five thirty….
I am going to the other dancefloor…
Part of the group is sitting…
A guy in the group goes:
“Hey you still single? She is single, what’ya think about it?”
Have to admit…
The thought crossed my mind for a few seconds….
Saturday, January 01, 2005
Is life in Tampere like being buried alive?
(I wrote this at the beginning of november)
I don’t know where to start…
But I believe that there are people reading this, having come from big metropolitan towns, asking themselves what the fuck am I doing in this village,
Who would see themselves in this long pessimistic article…
Tampere, four years now…
When I came here, the town was alive, fun, and a lot to see and to do...
Now, after all the time, the town is dying…
Forget about daytimes, even the Saturday nights are dull…
Two Fridays ago, went to bed early, so had an early wake up to Saturday…
Had no fucking clue what to do…
What would I do on a Saturday if not in Tampere?
Go play tennis…
Go play basketball…
Take my sister, girl, or friends, and drive to a lakeside to eat the best fish’n bread ever…
Meet up the guys, and choose which one of the countless big streets we will go to get a coffee…
Go to the uni, and play cards with those people…
Take my sis to the movies – 2, 3 euros…
Go hunting for sales… fifty sixty percent… Again, choose which one of the countless complexes I will go to…
Go, eat somewhere with the buddies… good kebab, and dessert for maybe 8 euros total…
Or, take sis to eat pizza, expensive, maybe 7 euros a man, but then, quality…
Drive to “The priest’s wineyard” and sit outside, have a great cup of tea, and great snack…
The difference with all these is that,
You do not get to see the same faces all the time…
It is crowded all the time…
It is warm at this time…
And feels like weekend.
So, am sitting home on Saturday.
If I want to go see city, only one choice, Hameenkatu... did that eventually…
Had a shop tour, went to the fishmarket, had some fish, walked around freezing, went home…
Wanted to play tennis? Freeze or pay a fortune…
Wanna eat outside… ? If not ready to pay 20 euros… You will be eating shit. – Except some Chinese... They are good… But the kebab, or pizza in town, is literally shit.
(Later in the week…)
The town feels claustrophobic…
Am in the bar,
Every second face, I know…
Every second face knows me…
Even though there are still many people to be met, the will to do so is inexistent… Even though experience showed, extremely interesting people are around the corner…
Just like daytime, if you want to see the crowd, you have only one choice, nighttime, offers two to three choices…
It is a small town…
And the hidden racism, combined with shyness and alcohol, makes the town smaller…
The daytime small town turns into a nighttime torture chamber…
I am aware that these are dilemmas of a single man…
Married and with kids, these problems don’t exist – but I have no fucking intention of bringing up kids in this cold... It is unfair… It is torture… Kids are supposed to be outside without ten layers of clothing…. Yep, I am shallow minded…
Strange though that I am now waiting eagerly for the colder weather to come, so I can start ice skating again, instead of this dull dark colorless, too cold to jog, no ice to skate thing…
And then…
Flights…
Even from the “country of gay men”, Sweden, you can get direct flights to turkey, A hundred euro two way ticket…
Try it from here…
There is no way…
Cheapest flight is three hundred forty euros, and still not direct…
This is a country which has no direct flight to a fifteen million town, Istanbul… Not to Naples… and not even to Athens…
This is a country in the middle of nowhere…
Far from every thing…
Far from every beloved…
To travel to one of the biggest towns in the world, little further than two thousand kilometers, I spend nine to ten hours on the way…
Small country, far country…
Small town…
This morning I woke up sweaty… Claustrophobia hitting me... I needed to move… Helsinki... That’s good... But what to do? In Finland, as a foreigner, either gastronomy, Nokia, Universities of Bowne Global is your solution…. And right now I like my job... Challenging... The thing I will not handle the challenge though is the town... Sad... Good job in a too small town… A town which has a dying “social bar life”… And “social bar life” being the only thing offered in this cold… Is not outside…
Sometimes have dreams which get me out of sleep, afraid to sleep again…
I feel the need to get out, away, to a city with life… To a city, where, when I cannot sleep in the night, I can wake up at two am, get my coat, and take a walk around town, where there are lights, but also people, lost like me in the night, strolling around, eating on the sidewalk, sitting on small chairs, getting their sip of tea… To a city, where after the gym, after a long brainfucking day, with a tired body but a relaxed mind, I can go to a pub or café, and get some drink with the buddies, not being the only one served…
This used to be the case three four years ago…
Well, one way out of this is to stop myself from blocking me from dating…
And the need to block, I feel only for few select ladies… If not one only…
To narrow my focus from the whole surrounding to the miracle of a woman, the drama, the joy and the feelings inside, rather than the shadows of humans out there, out there just like me…
But I cannot stop the block... Will not stop the block… It is not my time to stop it yet... time will come... In its own time…
Until then, or until I leave, this town will be too small,
Me, having good time nevertheless, but also my nightmares of a confined cold coffin, with “Tampere” written on it, or my nightmares of going on a ship, into the water, away from the loved ones, and my nomad life will continue….
The problem with a small town is that it narrows the amount of interesting people, and consecutively the chances of meeting them…
And being a metropolitan town man, having met communists, feminists, assholes, mafia, Mafioso, people who tie others on a stick, naked, in nowhere, just because they did not pay their fees, having met thinkers, philosophers, bitches, atheists, Satanists with a combat knife always with them, having met fake mullahs, nice guys, good girls, crazy virgins, or just the opposite, people who make you judge your own intelligence, people who live with 50 euros a month, with a family, unemployed students who pay a round of bottled champagne of a hundred euros to the table,
And all of these, I and the met were sober,
I feel I am confined in this place, where you mostly meet people under the influence of alcohol, people who consider a two hundred thousand town a huge town, and people who are very stereotypical, similar… Reading only three of four different newspapers, watching four state controlled channels... You cannot expect diversity... And the few times you find it, you are thrown overboard, and happy...
Even this occasional happiness does not stop you from the occasional need to leave everything behind, get out and go...
If only I did not have my reasons to stay…
Finndistan would not exist…
But as long as I am around, and kicking ass, Finndistan will be up and running, full power!
I don’t know where to start…
But I believe that there are people reading this, having come from big metropolitan towns, asking themselves what the fuck am I doing in this village,
Who would see themselves in this long pessimistic article…
Tampere, four years now…
When I came here, the town was alive, fun, and a lot to see and to do...
Now, after all the time, the town is dying…
Forget about daytimes, even the Saturday nights are dull…
Two Fridays ago, went to bed early, so had an early wake up to Saturday…
Had no fucking clue what to do…
What would I do on a Saturday if not in Tampere?
Go play tennis…
Go play basketball…
Take my sister, girl, or friends, and drive to a lakeside to eat the best fish’n bread ever…
Meet up the guys, and choose which one of the countless big streets we will go to get a coffee…
Go to the uni, and play cards with those people…
Take my sis to the movies – 2, 3 euros…
Go hunting for sales… fifty sixty percent… Again, choose which one of the countless complexes I will go to…
Go, eat somewhere with the buddies… good kebab, and dessert for maybe 8 euros total…
Or, take sis to eat pizza, expensive, maybe 7 euros a man, but then, quality…
Drive to “The priest’s wineyard” and sit outside, have a great cup of tea, and great snack…
The difference with all these is that,
You do not get to see the same faces all the time…
It is crowded all the time…
It is warm at this time…
And feels like weekend.
So, am sitting home on Saturday.
If I want to go see city, only one choice, Hameenkatu... did that eventually…
Had a shop tour, went to the fishmarket, had some fish, walked around freezing, went home…
Wanted to play tennis? Freeze or pay a fortune…
Wanna eat outside… ? If not ready to pay 20 euros… You will be eating shit. – Except some Chinese... They are good… But the kebab, or pizza in town, is literally shit.
(Later in the week…)
The town feels claustrophobic…
Am in the bar,
Every second face, I know…
Every second face knows me…
Even though there are still many people to be met, the will to do so is inexistent… Even though experience showed, extremely interesting people are around the corner…
Just like daytime, if you want to see the crowd, you have only one choice, nighttime, offers two to three choices…
It is a small town…
And the hidden racism, combined with shyness and alcohol, makes the town smaller…
The daytime small town turns into a nighttime torture chamber…
I am aware that these are dilemmas of a single man…
Married and with kids, these problems don’t exist – but I have no fucking intention of bringing up kids in this cold... It is unfair… It is torture… Kids are supposed to be outside without ten layers of clothing…. Yep, I am shallow minded…
Strange though that I am now waiting eagerly for the colder weather to come, so I can start ice skating again, instead of this dull dark colorless, too cold to jog, no ice to skate thing…
And then…
Flights…
Even from the “country of gay men”, Sweden, you can get direct flights to turkey, A hundred euro two way ticket…
Try it from here…
There is no way…
Cheapest flight is three hundred forty euros, and still not direct…
This is a country which has no direct flight to a fifteen million town, Istanbul… Not to Naples… and not even to Athens…
This is a country in the middle of nowhere…
Far from every thing…
Far from every beloved…
To travel to one of the biggest towns in the world, little further than two thousand kilometers, I spend nine to ten hours on the way…
Small country, far country…
Small town…
This morning I woke up sweaty… Claustrophobia hitting me... I needed to move… Helsinki... That’s good... But what to do? In Finland, as a foreigner, either gastronomy, Nokia, Universities of Bowne Global is your solution…. And right now I like my job... Challenging... The thing I will not handle the challenge though is the town... Sad... Good job in a too small town… A town which has a dying “social bar life”… And “social bar life” being the only thing offered in this cold… Is not outside…
Sometimes have dreams which get me out of sleep, afraid to sleep again…
I feel the need to get out, away, to a city with life… To a city, where, when I cannot sleep in the night, I can wake up at two am, get my coat, and take a walk around town, where there are lights, but also people, lost like me in the night, strolling around, eating on the sidewalk, sitting on small chairs, getting their sip of tea… To a city, where after the gym, after a long brainfucking day, with a tired body but a relaxed mind, I can go to a pub or café, and get some drink with the buddies, not being the only one served…
This used to be the case three four years ago…
Well, one way out of this is to stop myself from blocking me from dating…
And the need to block, I feel only for few select ladies… If not one only…
To narrow my focus from the whole surrounding to the miracle of a woman, the drama, the joy and the feelings inside, rather than the shadows of humans out there, out there just like me…
But I cannot stop the block... Will not stop the block… It is not my time to stop it yet... time will come... In its own time…
Until then, or until I leave, this town will be too small,
Me, having good time nevertheless, but also my nightmares of a confined cold coffin, with “Tampere” written on it, or my nightmares of going on a ship, into the water, away from the loved ones, and my nomad life will continue….
The problem with a small town is that it narrows the amount of interesting people, and consecutively the chances of meeting them…
And being a metropolitan town man, having met communists, feminists, assholes, mafia, Mafioso, people who tie others on a stick, naked, in nowhere, just because they did not pay their fees, having met thinkers, philosophers, bitches, atheists, Satanists with a combat knife always with them, having met fake mullahs, nice guys, good girls, crazy virgins, or just the opposite, people who make you judge your own intelligence, people who live with 50 euros a month, with a family, unemployed students who pay a round of bottled champagne of a hundred euros to the table,
And all of these, I and the met were sober,
I feel I am confined in this place, where you mostly meet people under the influence of alcohol, people who consider a two hundred thousand town a huge town, and people who are very stereotypical, similar… Reading only three of four different newspapers, watching four state controlled channels... You cannot expect diversity... And the few times you find it, you are thrown overboard, and happy...
Even this occasional happiness does not stop you from the occasional need to leave everything behind, get out and go...
If only I did not have my reasons to stay…
Finndistan would not exist…
But as long as I am around, and kicking ass, Finndistan will be up and running, full power!
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