The Tiger Robe - 3 - The whore

Good feelings. Everybody is feeling good, and it is time to ove to town,

We go downstairs'n'out.

Back to -15.

While there is a snowfight going on in the courtyard, my friends exit the building, and I suggest outloud,

"Yo, let's go to the strip club across the street", as bait for the drunk fish, and one fish bites.

Not the one that I was waiting for. A girl from the party.

"Eeeeeew.. You go to strip clubs?"

"No. I dont pay if I cant touch"

"So you dont go to strip clubs?"

"No, like I said, no touchy touchy, me not payee payee"

"You don't pay?"

"Touchee touchee, me maybee payee payee"

Then she makes the mistake

"I would not do it with you"

To which I slap

"I would not pay for you" (I'd do her for free...)

And there I made the mistake,

She turns around and starts shouting

"HE CALLED ME A WHORE!!!!! THIS BASTARD CALLED ME A WHOoOoOOooReeEE" (trying to emulate her voice)

My buddies in the courtyard looked and me, and her, me laughing, holding my stomach, and they smiled knowingly, contined the snowfight they just had joined.

And as luck would have it, this would not be the first time I would get a stomach ache cause a woman identified herself as a whore, or at least thought it possible that someone would think she is one.

Fuck man, life is good.

You made your bed

I was walking in town with a friend, when he showed me the girl standing on the other side of the street with a middle eastern douche by her side.

He said "Damn she is gorgeous, but I always see her with an Apache by her side"

Apache is the nick used for middle eastern douchbags by these new age Apaches' countrymen, or anybody else, now that I've made my mission to distribute knowledge. So, nothing racist, really. More to the fucking core!

What is a douchebag you ask? This.

I said, "She may be gorgeous, but a woman choosing to bed that kind of guy is not worth my dick"

He, "Come on.. You'd do her"

Me, being tired and hungover from a legendary drunkness from the previous night "If on the day she hits on me, I am not disgusted, then maybe. Now, I am simply, fucking disgusted"

Thinking it over last night made me come to the conclusion that if I recognize her when we ever interact, the disgust will be ever present.

Which is true, and is necessary.

Pussy has value, men want pussy. We want to shag.

A pussy that has welcomed that penis, is not worth my dick. Simple.

You lady, just have fucked your value away.

You made your bed, and I will not lie in it.

The Princess - Part 1 - Self appointed princess

First time I saw her, a very good looking tall blondie, she played coy, shy and hard to get. Fine.

Now she set the standard: She has to be coy and shy and hard to get to everybody else.

Second time I saw her, she was all over a spanish guido with olive oil in the hair.

Now she set the standard: If opportunity arises, with minimal, and I mean minimal, investment, "hi ma'am, bam ma'am, bye ma'am"... I'd have liked to enjoy that still young body with those tall legs and correct sized breasts...

Saying that, Jeff from "Coupling" comes to mind... "Brrrrreeeeeaaaassssssttttssssss"... Best series ever.



Back to point,

So I took her to coffee.

I get to hear she is a princess.

I get to hear she has guys driving her to places, you know "he is just a friend"...

I get to hear she broke up with her ex out of the blue, breaking a relationship of many years.. Sadly I cannot out the reason here, could be personal...

Well, in the end, we did not bam bam...

We flirted a few more times after that date but the feeling was not there. Jumping from "hi ma'am" to "bye ma'am" felt like the best option, though those legs were left untouched. The legs were just not enough for me to act with the full force of my fireballs.

The Princess - Part 2 - She meant nothing, so I took her to coffee...

I do not take women I am not openly committed to out to a coffee date or such.

I know I am missing out on a lot of advertisement. In the end, women want what other women want.

Coffee dates or such event with women would help me immensely.

But, this is a small town, and people are prejudiced. A woman seen with me may loose out on some prospects. I mean, today I am supporting a full caveman beard, when I am out I have my shirt buttons down, a nice patch of chest hair on a built chest; due to the three acne scars in my face (amont a few hundred others in my face), I have a permanent scowl.

Me out on a date with a woman is free advertising for me.
A woman out on a date where I am non-committed is bad advertising for her.

So, if I care about you, I care about your reputation.

That is why I took the princess out on a coffee date.

Cause she meant nothing.

The Princess - Part 3 - Romeo and the Ho and, the Stomachless Horseman

No one in this story is finnish. That should be refreshing.

She was the friend of a Princess. Gorgeous body, beautiful long hair, but the face was already showing the sign of extensilve night living.

Just as it happens almost always, she showed subtle interest in me, since it was the other girl I was curious about.

There was also the feeling that I had about her being some sort of psycho. Trouble.

Staying away was the choice.

Definitely played the "I am so very picky" game.

So we'll call her PickyGrrrl (a.k.a Spidey)



Him I know from long time. We usually go to the same bar. Monobrow, always furrowed. Somewhere from a sunny place, in his thirties.

This guy, never smiling is one of the guys playing to the law of averages.

You know, if you try hard enough, you'll eventually get something.

The thing about giving 50 million monkeys 50 million typewriters and 50 million years.

They will eventually write Shakespeare's Hamlet.

Tries every living female. Last one I saw him with was a fifty year old woman, short and overweight, and these two were smooching... Just the mental image made me cringe.

He is "Stomachless Horseman"


Night one:

I am drunk and was having a guys night out which was just ending,

Waiting by the cloak room for a friend of mine to say bye to her friends, when Stomachless Horseman is walking by me with his legendary frown. Then I realize he is holding hands with somebody.

My eyes take time to adjust, but there she is, proudly and happily walking behing Stomachless Horseman, holding hands, having found a great catch, looking at me with "look what I got" eyes; PickyGrrrl.

People wondered why I was smiling the rest of the night.


Night two:

Sitting at the bar with my friend, who got me a glass of good whiskey even when I told him I want tea.

There comes an italian Romeo. Hair all spiked with diesel fuel. The masculine latino jaw firm in its place..

Proudly guiding his trophy blondie towards the bar, asking her what she will drink, ordering their drinks. Briefly looked over to me, with the stallion's eyes, with that look in his face. That look which told me that I dont have a trophy like that with me, and smirked.

The trophy was PickyGrrrl.

I smirked.

There he was, Valentino, proud to be carrying with him PickyGrrrl, proud to have such a trophy; a trophy which was delighted to be seduced by Stomachless Horseman, the picky, high quality man who the stomach to get into ben naked with fifty year old overweight women and exchange various body juices.

I smirked, knowing the only one who could be proud of any achievement, if there was any, would be that fifty year old woman who got to bed the man who can even bed blondies who are so attractive that they can bed handsome italian stallions.

I smirked back at Romeo.

Romeo the proud italian tool, no?

Dude, you were so tooled with. Heh, a proud tool.

How can I not smirk, .how?
.

The Princess - Part 4 - Epilogue

All said and done, in the end it was my failure to fail to obtain what i wanted for some short term pleasure.


I had my chances, I blew them; incidentally she had her chances on other times, and she blew them.


Mistakes, bad timing, bad choices, and other factors stopped the interaction from moving forward.


The make out was fun, I'll settle for that.


Her friend, acting weird all the time, gave signals for me to move forward with the princess, sometimes these signal were for herself.


No intention on my side... Though, I admit, in a weak moment, I did consider bedding the spidey, but a ten second moment is not worth dwelling on too much. (That was before Monobrow)


The interesting thing is the night of the endgame.


Princess flirting with me, spidey acting funny, the guy in the group jealous of the two girls, and trying to assess the situation, sometimes bordering agressive but never passing the line.


End of the night, princess is trying to leave but gets sucked towards me. I, by now know there is something going on, and this is acknowledged by spidey telling me princess has a "decent man" in her life now, and that I should let her go, like in "set her free".


Now it made sense, why the guy in the group was so irritated, besides me flirting with spidey also, and why spidey was acting funny and princess looked confused all night.


For me, there is no big loss, never wanted something more than the horizontal tango with those beautifully long legs.


The decent man though, he sadly is in for a rude awakening. It may not be me, but it will be somebody like me who will one day enjoy the woman he is building his life around now.


It may not be me, cause there are way too many attractive women out there to bother with a taken one. And then, there's gotta be some decency even in a one night stand.


I walked home, singing to myself, "Another one bites the dust", cheerful in my own heart, but somehow feeling sorry for another decent man's inevitable suffering.

Is that so?

After great dinner in a friend's place we went to meet some of his female friends, in a latin dance club, and one of his friends was a good looking blonde, close to thirty.

I, just had returned from a long trip and was not feeling to cheerful about my surroundings, my head was totally somewhere else.

Vodka, tequila, soda, vodka, while my friends were dancing.

We decide to leave the place and I turn around to get my coat, when I turn back, the blondie bumps into me, I look at her, she looks at me, says:

"Sorry :) "

At that instant, I returned to earth, but in a playful manner, like a kid, so not exactly a flirtingly playful mood,

"What?"

"I'm sorry"

"You should learn to watch where you going", I tease her

"Oh, I said I am sorry :)"

To which I reply in a dead serious expression:

"I'll make you say sorry all night long", and I realized what I just said, to which she replied,

"Is that so" in a flirty way

I could only smile, it was a hearty smile as I was trying to keep myself from bursting outloud, all over her. I was shaking, I was getting tears to my eyes.

I knew she was engaged or married, and she had already told the group, she was not joining us; going home; so that did not change, as it should not change,

But that was one of the warmest and funniest "Goodbyes" I ever received.