Monday, November 22, 2004

What lies beneath?

In my four year stay here, I have met countless people…

There is one typical stereotype though.
A type of woman.

Usually beautiful. (Was going to write quite beautiful, but just yesterday learned that quite is actually a negative adjective)
Is perceived as clever, and thinks is clever.
Feels she is a higher being than others.
Likes interacting with people, like the so called deep talk, which, for a guy like me is meaningless, most of the time… (Check the end of the text for this)
Takes good care of herself,
And so the list goes on.

As you may have noticed this is the kind of girl who has a high self-set price, and boosts on being a difficult girl.


A few of these I have met.
And the usual pattern occurs.
Date a guy for some time, measured in months or years,
After the break up, stay single for a few weeks at most,

Then find another guy, another “oh, my big love”, for months…
Break up…
A week or two..
Start another relationship…

What I see in this is the insecurity of a person towards herself..
The need to have a guy to complete her...
An incomplete person…
This is sad.

As these women, with little effort could be so well self-sustaining, that upon entering a man’s life who has reached that level, two fully alive beings would merge in a relationship.

But no, not even taking time to feel alone on this world, and concentrating on their own life, they jump on the next man who meets their standards, and start the game all over.

This is the type of person who marries five times, never feeling fulfilled,
As fulfillment first comes from inside, and is best shared with another fulfilled soul.

A soul which needs another soul to get complete, will not be happy in its own shell, and the search will always continue, as it also will not fulfill the person on the other side.
This, is sad.

And seeing through this image, the woman diminishes into a fleck on the ground; her voice becomes bee buzz, her face transparent.
The sad thing is these people will always be on the lookout, not knowing they are searching for their "selves".

Now back to me.

Am I complete?
Am I aware of that?
Half the problem is knowing it exists.
The rest is understanding and solving it.

Now to the deep talk:

As I said I met countless people here and there… I have been very close friends with fascists, people who would tie a naked man onto a tree in no no-man's land. Met filthy rich spoiled kids... Guys who made miracles with the guitar… Guys who made miracles of themselves… Guys whose only ambition in life would be to get laid… Women who intimidated any and every men they encountered by their open display of power… Men who tried to raise a family with hundred euros a month… People whose talks I had hard time understanding… Guys with left ideals who saw me as a lower being… Guys with right ideas who saw me as a fucking communist… Men who had so much to talk about God... Men who talked why he don’t exist... Men who believed in Satan… Psychologists who analyzed every move of you… Card readers who would give you sleepless nights...

So deep talk exists everywhere…

But few people actually have this deepness. The rest, like the women the story is about, “I like deep talk”, are just doing it for self justification or the reasoning for their existence in their unexacting self. The few who talk deep, you see it in their eyes... In their stance…
In their talk, and in their beliefs…

These people find eachother, and exchange ideas, don’t need to advertise it to the outer world.

These people induce respect in the listener, as their talk is so effective, and if really deep, their talk is open to what you can add to it.

Though I am still a believer of,

Without acting, thinking has no value.
Without acting, living has no value.
And to a lesser degree,
Without thinking, talking has no value.

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