Sunday, February 06, 2011

Actual failure is not failing

Halfway drunk on good alcohol, we stumble into the hipster bar close to my place to get our first round of long island ice teas.

Find some seats by the dancefloor and dig us in, It was a night of the "Boys night out", but then I saw her dancing.

Short girl, black hair, tall black boots, and leather pants. Looked out of place in a hipster bar, she was more fitting one of the gothic clubs in town,

And she was dancing.

Her friends found some place beside us and she joined them once she was finished. Once she finished dancing, my drink finished and I went for refreshments. A new long tea in my hand, I return, look her in the eye, and move towards the seat beside her. She picks up the bag from that seat and takes it on her lap, and I sit down to the place she prepared for me.

Some generic chat about her bag, me saying it was a pleasure to watch her dance, she saying she likes salsa more than this music, me saying her looks and her dance does not match. All the time there was this generic hipster, thin moustache, brown glasses, one sided hair and hat; the whole package; staring at me.

So I tell the girl,

"This dude? Your boyfriend? OR someone who wishes to be your boyfriend?"

In the way that I am so used to hearing,

"Noooooo... He is a childhoooooood friend"; I could hear the guys soul crumble.

Her friends come, take her to the loo, my friends tell me there is an engagement party in some other bar, and that they are waiting for us,

I take my jacket and there she is, going out for a smoke, I got nothing to lose, so

"Where will I see you dance again?"
"In your dreams"
"Wrong answer."

I see the hipster looking at me with disgust,
She lights her cigarette, and I see it.

And diamond engagement ring and a marriage ring, so I smile,

"Should've noticed that sooner"

I see the hipster looking at me with joy, his eyes shouting "HAHAHA... You could not get her, loser."


I may have failed at getting her, had I known she is the "In your dreams" type of girl, I would not even have tried,

Yes, I may have failed at getting her,

But I had succeeded in trying.

You, half gay half androgynous looking shitster, have possibly not even tried in many many years, all the while jerking off the image of your best friend naked, in your head.


Rejection, is success
Positive result is success with a bonus

Not getting her interest while also not getting rejection, this is failure.

Not trying is failure.

So while you looked at me like a loser, I was lightyears ahead of you in the universe of getting sexual access.

And this is the biggest problem of most guys I know.

Not trying.

Not meeting women.

Every woman that rejects your approach is a step closer to the one who will think of you as God's gift.

Every woman you wanted but failed to approach, is that, a woman you failed to approach. It is anchoring yourself to lack of companionship, lack of sex, and lots of wanking to the images of women you did not approach.

So, who is the loser?

The one who stops in his tracks for fear,

Or the one who gets shot down but has conquered that fear?

Success does not come from getting a woman, it comes from the more primal depths of conquering your fear.

The rest is a reward for having faced the dread.


  1. Absolutely true. The human is mind is very creative...I can always find a reason not to approach and try.

  2. In that sense, your brain is your biggest enemy.

    At least for me it is. Dooms you to fail without failing.

    Need to check on Seth Godin's explanation of the lizard brain. From what I gathered he explains the concept perfectly.