Tuesday, November 30, 2010

You chose to do that

I saw you were leaving, so I walked up to you.

You looked at me with hatred and anger in your eyes. And the beginning of teadrops.

You were leaving with your friend, and two guys you apparently know.

From my knowledge of the environment, and from my observations about your interaction with the two- even if you were in my back, and you never noticed me noticing that, even kicking me in the process- I assumed you knew him from the past, intimately, and you were going to get very intimate with him.

So, you knew you were going to get shagged, it was in your eyes, and I knew it was only because I ignored you whole night. So in your eyes there was blame. Blaming me for your inability to keep your legs shut for more than 24 hours. Edit: I have to admit, it breaks my heart to now remember the look in your eyes. But you followed him nevertheless. Won't help you with that.

I ignored you because you misbehaved. Story above. You knew you misbehaved.

And I ain't here to train a woman who can't keep the shop closed for a day. I will shop, but not teach.

The only thing you managed to do that night was to relegate yourself to become another woman I will have to let go after few more shags.

A woman tells me what she is good for, and I respect her wishes.

Though unlike what she thinks, she does not speak through conscious words, it is in the lines in between, and the behavior. Choices.

Do not be angry at me for your choice. You are getting what you wanted, what you worked for, and exactly what you deserve.

And no, a possible future claim of "You ignored me" is not enough for me to be a-ok with you leaving with another man so soon. I do not care how sexually liberated place this is, in my world, this does not happen. I will not live my life wondering where those lips have been.

You not being affected with me leaving with other girls when you are around, even getting more attracted, does not necessitate me doing the same. Upon seeing me active,  you choose to like it, a lot; upon seeing you active, I choose to forget about all the good time we had, without a second thought. Freedom of choice. My feelings, my choice.My world, my choice.

It is not even a choice. It is deep in the guts. Yes, I am not effing civilized. The civilized men out there are raising other men's kids, betraying their whole line of ancestors. I'll be a caveman, if that is the way to respect my strong line of ancestors. Ugh.

I feel no anger. I am saddened, as I was quite fond of you. Young and relatively innocent, you had touched some happy nerves in me. But, got to let you go. Soon.

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