Women are excellent communicators

I admit, sometimes I tell stupid crap to women.

Why?

It is fun.

It is fun to see them faced with something else than

"You are gorgeous"

"Can I buy you a drink"

"Eee... uuu.... baaaa...."

And usually my shit is in some context, for me.

I asked my friend if he know the song, which is something like "what the f#%k, what the f#%k";

He did not, so this Brigitte Lahaie  lookalike was walking by, I turn to her; this girl was giving me the eye, btw,

"Hey, do you know the song "What the fuck" or something?"

Shaking her head up and down, in a yes motion; "NO NO NO NO NO NO"

"Can you sing it?"

"NO NO NO NO NO NO" now she is shaking no's

"I am trying to sing the song to my friend"

"NO NO NO NO NO NO"

She leaves, and goes to dance close by the DJ, a friend of mine.

Few minutes after that, just for the sake of it, I go to the DJ booth, the girl is dancing beside me,

I lean in,

"I will ask the song now"

"NO NO NO NO NO NO"

"Not you, I will ask the song"

"NO NO NO NO NO NO"

"You know anything else" by now I have a full grin on my face

"NO NO NO NO NO NO"

Some foreigner dude comes in between us, dunno either boyfriend, or they were trying the girls, who cares, he had a weak way of moving, and I really was way too entertained to care.

I talk with the DJ, he knows the song, but does not have it, ....damn. Would've been fun.

I go back to my guys, tell the story while we all three were looking the girl in the eyes, and laughing outloud, shaking like trees in an earthquake.

Oh, she put her eyes down, shyly. Bwaaaahahahahahaha...

Fun? Noooo,no,no,no,no... Of course not. I felt so ashamed of myself.

Cried to my friend on the phone the next day, "Man, no, no, no, no, no"

Young man: "Be a man"

Young man.

You will meet women. Some will leave, some will be sent away, some will stay.

At some point you will face her weapons of mass destruction control.

What, she has nukes, you ask?

Yep. Emotional nukes. I am talking about

"Be a man"

Oh yes, yes, you already heard it. How did you feel?

Like shit?

But that is the intent of these words.

"Be a man"

The utter control element. The ultimate weapon in her arsenal. Hitting deep into your dna of millions of years. Shaming you into oblivion. The intent is to make you feel worthless. To change you. To mold you into the image of the prince on the white horse.

"Be a man"

Like in any world event, where you need to follow the ones who benefit from an event, to find the truth about it, "be a man" needs the same scrunity.

Follow the benefitter.

Will you benefit?

Yes. Few moments of silence, or well behavior on her side, until something else pops up where you need to "be a man", yet again, even if it the opposite of the previous occasion.

Will she benefit?

Well, what do you think... it is her weapon of choice.

"Be a man"

Is almost never said with your benefit in mind. It is an assault on you, to change you for the benefit of the assaulting party.

Never defend your situation, or try to be the man that she as the all knowing woman has deemed as "man".

Either cause drama by assaulting with "First be a woman deserving the man"; shit test with "What's in it for me"; totally ignore; or just ride into the sunset as this is just the beginning, and will not stop.

Just ride.

A free man.

And feel good that you could not be a man, if it was meant to be defined by a woman.

And to preemptively strike at the "you could not be a man enough to face the challenge" assault, I say, "taking the risk of dying lonely is the biggest challenge"... (P.s.: "You will die lonely" is the backup weapon in case you have no interest in "be a man")

You are not Heidi Klum

Was sitting in my favorite chill out place with a good friend of mine, talking about the previous evenings events, and laughing, when his friends joined us. While they were talking I was looking around, and spotted this guy with model looks walking behind his girlfriend.

The woman, round as a beer keg, dressed like Samantha from SATC - Yes, I know the show, and I watched it for education – was walking with the arrogance of a super model.

I noticed that my guys also saw the view and their faces told me I was not the only one when I said,

"Yo, there is she walking like Heidi Klum, when at best, she would be Heidi Plum"

And, we laughed some more.

Shadenfreude. So what.

Plum plum plum. Heidi Plum plum.

Wonder who is plumming who in that relationship.

The problem I saw was that she snagged a guy physically many levels above her, but was not appreciating it.

Lesson for the young: Either lead the relationship, or take your time to enter after your girl, the way that the most important person enters last, in some eastern societies.

Do not follow a beer keg like a puppy. Lead, or let her open the way for the mister.

Maybe, he got the smell of plum. Sniff sniff.

In other words, he's plumdiving...

Ok, enough. I can plum on the whole night.

A shorter version of the explanation of the double standard

The longer explanation of the double standard

Given at least a minimal attractiveness,

For a woman to choose a man, he has to demonstrate an arbitrary, and many times a totally random quality.

This can be a well studied smirk, propensity to violence, unavailability, intelligence (overrated), humor (overrated), arrogance, wits, assholeness, jerky behavior, sensuality (shoot yourself), persistence, aggression, any dark triad trait, nice shoes, chest hair, etc, etc.

But he has to demonstrate some quality.

For a man to choose a woman, she has to demonstrate availability.

A woman just has to show up.

Word spreads around

Girls talk, it may boost you to unknown levels it may destroy you.

Guys talk too. That only goes downwards.

I was talking to the girl I've known for a very long time.

A buddy beside me goes

"Dude, she must have shagged every guy in town, including me"

Another one adds:

"Shit I may be the only one who did not do her"

I say;

"You and dude-x. Be happy"

He continues with a remark that made me want to bitchslap him, a topic for another story though:"Why you say that?"

She thinks she is so wanted by the foreigners, especially the young students.

She is in party mode, but the clock will soon start ticking.

The only option she has left is to find a foreign guy the day he arrives, isolate him, and move out of the country.

Because, guys talk. And it never increases the long term value.

Yes, I am one of her notches.

Yes I am guilty.

But, I cannot be sentenced for that crime.

As I was there years ago, many years ago, when she was young, perky and fresh, and on low mileage. Maybe even only at a handfull.

So, I lean back, take a sigh of content, and calmly say, "I was there first, suckers!"

And, walk off with a shit eating grin on my face.

Then and now

Me, and a speedy, macho, handsome (the holy trinity) stud;

One year ago:

Stud: "Finndistan man, you were wrong about the spanish"
Finndistan: "I what sense?"
Stud: "Women are not running after them"
Finndistan: "So what makes you say I am wrong?"
Stud: "I was talking to this girl, and she said they see through the spanish image"
Finndistan: "So she has never shagged a spanish?"
Stud: "..."

One week ago:

Stud: "Finndistan man, you were so right."
Finndistan: "About what?"
Stud: "The spanish"
Finndistan: "Oh, now you see"
Stud: "Have not met one girl who has not slept with one... damn..."
Finndistan smiles, sips on his coffee, black as a moonless night, thinks about his old spanish friends who were in heaven when here;

Takes another sip, in cheers to guys who were not spanish, but the women thought with pride that they were getting their mandatory spanish notch.

Where has her mouth been?

Do you know?

Well I know.

You, latino loverboy, the girl you are hitting on, dancing so wildly with, the one who you will try to kiss, left my place without brushing her teeth, to come downtown. Your consolidation is that vodka acts as a cleaning agent.

Hey Mr. Boyfriend. You gave your girlfriend a passionate warm juicy kiss. What you do not know is that she just blew my friend in the toilet after his pee finished, with the last drops still on the tip. Yes, she swallowed. Oh, I know she is a good girl. How did the kiss taste? Salty? Bitter? Sweet?

Slimey boy trying all the moves on the dancefloor, do not go for the kiss. Do not. Damn man, I told you not to. She just had come from my friend's room, and he was telling me just how she swallowed everything. No, no, don't french kiss. Damn man, you don't listen. Oh well, I warned you.

Mr. Right, you have gotten up from your sleep at 4 am, to pick up your fiancee, future Mrs. Right. Bring some bleach with you. Your fiancee will kiss you with the lips which first got the gum of my latino, chewed on the gum covered in italian sauce, and then added to the flavor by smootching with a man from another continent. As my latino was not kissing your girl, he narrowly escaped with only losing a well chewn gum. But hell, you go marry that girl, variety is the spice of life, ain't it.

I just hope I was more lucky than these guys.

Please my Guardian Angel, please.

Author thinks for a minute, puts the laptop down, closes his eyes, smiles.


Accepts that shit just happens.


Sits back, puts feet up, and relaxes, still smiling with amusement.

How to reveal honest information

Some guys care, some guys don't care.

Me; depends.

For the guys who care, a problem is not getting the real answers.

Try this,

After you have known her for some time, five minutes or five weeks, and you got the question in the back of your head, do not ask it.

Instead, set the frame right by,

"This break from sex has been good. A month of rest can do wonders"

Or something in that light. Never "Damn, have not gotten laid in -insert time- " NO. NO. NO.

It has to be your choice, and for not a long time. You know, abstain, reset the body, and limbo on.

After you make this statement, wait. Wait for her reaction.

Her reaction will tell you way more than any question you could've asked to elicit information.

You can go a step forward,

"This has been an intersting experience. Say, what is the longest you have gone without sex?"

Her answer will be your guide. There is no user manual, listen to your gut.

This answer will be more truthful, as sex is no big deal, and talking about the time in between sexual encounters does not ring her alarm bells about giving too much info about the actual partners.

But then, like I said,

Only for the ones who are curious.

If you don't care, hell, even if you do,

Lean back,

"This break from sex has been good. Now come here. I will show you the rise from the resting grounds"

And do her scary movie style.

You are smiling. Years too late. Many men too late.

Whenever we meet, after exchanging the usual niceities, due to mutual friends, and using you as advertisement, you continue smiling at me, you try to catch my eye pretty often, waiting for me to pay you more attention, that will lead to more.

It will not happen.

Because few other things happened.

I met you many years ago, when you were around twenty five, a still young, blossoming thing of beauty. I made the mistake of not making the interaction interesting, of course, you being boring never entered your mind, so the interaction died, and I bed my farewells.

That is of no problem. But you were young, i.e. Very attractive, I was on my wrong foot, i.e. nervous. I accept my responsibility.

Today, you are past thirty, going to gym six times a week barely makes a difference. The belly is clearly seen under your Sex and City clothing, I, on the other hand, did not age like milk.

Wine?

Now that you are past thirty, now that you are ready to settle, now that I am a better me, now you are interested?

Hey, I sailed onto younger waters, long time ago, far away from the cliffs that you jumped when you took on years of drinking and partying.

Imagine a fly on the highway, now imagine a truck hitting it.

Oh, that would still make you suitable for a good romp when sex is scarce, as you still are good looking, but,

In the past years, I have seen you holding hands with douchebags, guidos, and apachis. But before that, you said no, to me!

Believe me, I'd rather jerk off, than knowingly go to where these men were served a free for all sunday brunch.

Beauty, is only skin deep. I see through.

You smile. But know that smile stays invisible. And will stay so.

"I am not easy"... ehh...really?

Many times a girl has told me "I am not easy"

Translated:

"I was shit easy before I met you, now I decided to be a reborn virgin"

Some guys may say, "dude, continue, she will give way"... I say, there will be a woman in due time who will not play that crap with me.

The "not easy" girls make themselves known not by the "I am not easy" utterance.

It is in their behavior, in the way they respond to your touch, in their eyes when they touch you.

"I am not easy" just means, easy'n'fast to everybody, but Madonna to you.

Especially coupled with extensive makeup, flashy jewelry and not an elegant low cut attire.

For example:

You touch her, she does not take her hand away, may not immediately caress your hand, but when you touch her, her eyes go down shyly. And then back up with a smile.

Now that girl, is good. She will satisfy you sexually and emotionally. It can be faked, but even then, a girl who fakes this, still will know what a man wants. So it is not optimal, but good for a medium term ride. If it is not a fake, you may be looking forward to the beauty of the affection of a feminine cutie.

You touch her, she looks straight into your eyes, no shyness, this is one who either is a feminine woman who is extremely turned on, or is an attracted woman who is totally revolutionized sexually. You will be in for some pleasure for the night.

You touch her, she takes her hand away, or moves away. She may be shy, or disinterested. You decide which,

You touch her, she says "I am not easy". Pffffft. That reaction tells you "I am not easy anymore". She has been there, done that, and more, and now she wants to feel special. Walk away to save yourself time, and energy. This is not worth it. You are not there to make a girl feel better about her existence at your expense.

Go look for the girl who puts her eyes down for a second when your eyes meet, and then back up.

Gotta have fun, but with the right girl, man. Someone who deserves you.

The curse of the special man

"You are special"

Unless she has proven to me that I will get better treatment than all other men, past and present,

"F#¤k that" will be my answer.

Many stories I got, many that I cannot write.

But here are three, with which I will try to explain the "F#¤k that"

Part 1

During an evening walk I bump into this girl who I, years back, had a short fling with.

We do not call or meet, but when we come across eachother, it is always a fun interaction.

The "hi"'s lead to a chat, the chat leads to having an evening tea,

"How is it now? After your last guy, you seeing someone now?"

"Yes, I have been seeing this man for some months now"

"For months? Only seeing?"

"Yes, have not slept with him yet"

"He must be special"

"He is very special to me, I want to make sure I am special for him too"

"Now do not tell me you have not had sex in that time."

"Of course I have. That is different"

Different my ass.

Special man got effed over.

Btw, the story actually goes:

The "hi"'s lead to a chat, the chat leads to having an evening tea,

The tea leading to an evening walk to her place, the walk leading to me staying over, but the stay over did not lead to sex.

Guess I, after years, lost my non-special status with her.

HA.

Part 2.

"Movie, drink, my place tonight"

"I want to meet you in public"

"Enjoy your evening then."

I was having good conversations with her whenever I saw her, and she made it clear she wanted to meet me, go on some dates, dinner dates, and it was clear, once those conditions were satisfied, the horizontal rodeo would take place.

She liked me, she was interested in having more of me, she made it clear that I was special.

Now,

She shagged my friend the night they met.

She shagged some guy just to get the flag.

And more guys that I know of.

Her being a gorgeous girl does not make it OK for me to wine and dine her and enjoy the desert (not dessert) of special man country.

A sentence I will use later on, many more times, will be used now, for the first time:

Lady, you f#¤ked away your right to a date.

So, I was special, so she liked me, meant I was not getting laid without some effort. And I will not put in more effort than the other guys I knew of. Let alone being seen in public as the guy who took her out on a date.

Some sorry dude took her on a holiday recently, judging from facebook pictures, so she must also be a "good girl", yea, not all women are like that, my bad. 

And the reply to her date request:

"Enjoy your eve"

The story continues one night, 4 am, the street:

She and her friends,

"We are having an afterparty, you want to come?"

Home was 500 meters away, I looked at the group, looked towards home,

"You have a good one, thanks for the offer"

Sometimes even a half hour investment is too much.

Part 3.

Friend of mine, who has a great network of women, - note to self: contact the guy – tells me one night:

"Dude, the girls in the gym think you are a God"

"So?"

"But they will not talk to you because they are afraid you will use them"

"Don't you say..."

Hidden info: The girls are not difficult, if they talking to me will end with me shagging them. This tells me they are not nuns. This tells me they are enjoying some sexuality. Which is basically what they are not having with me because I am a God/special/dangerous/becauseI will use them.

I know some of these girls, so I know this logic holds in real life.

Now, knowing this, will I talk to these girls and make it clear I will not use them by taking it slow?

Err... No.

Besides, if they feel I am so attractive, that would not be they, who would be using me? They get the better value.

These girls f¤%ked away their right to claim they were used by me, if we ever did it like mammals.

Endnote:

If a girl is making you wait, and you know she has been sexually active, think very carefully in what category you want to put yourself into.

Do you want to be the lover who gets all the action; and if you wish to, only if you wish to,  the commitment?

Or want to be the special man, sucker who will prove commitment, to get some diluted form of the action?

Perfectly shows what I mean at 00:50; in one of the best comedies ever produced:

If you ever hear "You are special" and no sex has yet happened, make sure that there is no other guy, possibly someone like me, enjoying the female beast side of her, while you are out there taking the princess side on to exciting dates.

Examining the sexual/gender double standard

"This is a double standard"

"There is a sexual double standard"

"Why is the standard different?

"Why is it men are studs, women not?"

Let me explain with an example,

We have an attractive man, and an attractive woman, Adam and Eve, seeing a couple, Joe and Jane. We will look into what goes on in Adam's and Eve's heads, for different situations.

The eight situations:

Attractive Joe is seen with Attractive Jane

Adam: Good job, man.

Eve: I want him. She is attractive. She has chosen him. He must be attractive. I want that.

Attractive Joe is seen with Plain Jane

Adam: Everybody slums it now and then, I feel you bro.

Eve: Ewwwww.... Loser

Plain Joe is seen with Attractive Jane

Adam: Great job, man.

Eve:I want that. She is attractive. She has chosen him. He must be attractive. He must be shitting diamonds. I want him.

Plain Joe is seen with Plain Jane

Adam: Good job man.

Eve: Ewwww... Loser

Attractive Joe is alone

Adam: Shit happens, bro

Eve: Something must be wrong with him. Ewwww... Must be a loser

Plain Joe is alone

Adam: Shit happens, bro

Eve: Ewww... Loser

Attractive Jane is alone

Adam: GO GO GO!!!

Eve: blank

Plain Jane is alone

Adam: To dive, or not to dive. Maybe she has good personality?

Eve: blank

Notice the relative absence of ideas about the girl - both in Adam's and Eve's head - in relation to who she has with her.

See, the standard is this:

Man seen with attractive woman = For women, this man's attractiveness increased, or just started existing, in the case of an average man

Any other case , e.g. alone, or with not attractive woman = Man's attractiveness is lowered to zero

It does not work for the attractiveness of women tho.

Because, because, ... wait for it... ... ... men and women are not same.

Women liking men at least partially on his success with women, does not mean men should function the same way.

Woman seen with man = Best case, her value does not go lower*

Any case other than best = Value takes a nosedive

*Best case is that she got a man's man to openly commit to her

Exception; A totally unattractive woman who managed to get a somewhat attractive man to commit to her, elicits respect from most guys.

I mean come on,

For example,

You ladies think your value for men gets higher when they see you with another man?

Wrong.

I can tell you one thing tho, my value goes through the roof when a woman's seen smiling by my side. Any more interest than that, and my value just passed Jupiter.

This

Just

Is

Nature

Partly, your nature.

Don't be angry, don't fight it. Learn to live with it, embrace it, use it.

Just like I learned to live with the fact that when I am alone, and somehow do not have the aura of "I have a number of attractive women on stand by, waiting my call", that it does not matter how attractive I am, at that moment, I am worth zilch to you.

It is not a double standard, it is nature:

Women want what other women want; what other women have deemed worthy, something I call the female curse.

Men want a good piece of ass, two tits, cute face, femininity, a smile and feminine intelligence; available only to him. Extra men who have been deemed worthy by her, definitely do not make them want her more.

Different needs, different wishes, and different attraction mechanisms, and different supply and demands, make it a fair standard.

The Judge, Day Five– Shooting myself in the foot

The judge stories were sitting on my laptop for months as I thought they were too heavy, but then in the context of coming posts about men setting the context of the interaction, of evaluating (some call it judging) being a man's duty to his ancestry, I had decided to post them.

Another reason was the perfect event happening to me which would close the lid on the pot of the boiling waters of judgment.

Is there a price to pay for being so evaluative?

Except being picky on who I see again, no. Not shagging a girl who does not pass my evaluation is not a loss, it is good riddance to bad rubbish.

Is there a price to pay for being so evaluative in the open?

There can be. And it can be a heavy price.

I paid it when met this Lithuanian girl some time ago.

In the conversation, carelessly, I let slip some of the things I think about the nightlife, I judged everybody around us.

Of course, she took it as me judging her, too.

Conversation continued, the flirt continued, but in the context that I desired her, that one night, she felt she would be judged by me. On the other hand, in a relationship context, she was cool, and interested, because she felt that she would not be judged if she played that game with me. Sometimes, I do act stupid.

With my evaluation I poured over the people around us, I eliminated the option for a short fling. I, without knowing at the time, and unintentionally, only kept open the option of committed dating.

Lesson learned, and moving on:

Thou shall judge, evaluate.
That is thee duty.
Thou shall shut up.
That is thee other duty.
Thee judgment will be in thy attitude, not words.


Btw, her dating her dentist did not help my cause.

In retrospect, a girl who is flirting that much with me when she's in a relationship, is not a big loss, taken in a long term context.

So then, is the price high? Or is there no price to pay? Am undecided.

Still know I shot myself in the foot.

The Judge, Day Four: You made your bed

"Bro, what is it to you if she slept with an Apaci?"

"A woman who can sleep with that, does not deserve my dick. Simple. My dick, my decision."

"Bro, her past is unimportant"

"There are three billion women out there. Ignoring one, that is of no importance."

"Bro you judge too much"

"My life, my balls, my rules; oh, and a disgusted stomach"


Oh, my friend, go to a venue and hit on the ugliest chicks, one after the other, every weekend for a month. Then talk to me about not judging women when you are forced to move out of town cause no woman of any attractiveness will ever talk to you again, when the word has spread on what women you think you are worthy of.

Respecting women's choices? Why not? ... If they are respectable choices..., on my terms.

Choices, consequences.

The Judge, Day Three: The outburst

This is not one of my proudest moments, and yet, I am only human.

Was leaving this party with a finnish friend who is dating this attractive old friend of mine.

Were together with two other finnish friends who are successful in their trade and have good looking, appreciative women committed to them, in a bar which is known for its foreigner parties on that day of the week. Just had left the bar.

It was the eve of a hot sunny day.

There comes this short brunette with excellent legs and shorts that are as short as possible.

She walks by and makes this face, of contempt and disapproval, not to me, but to my finnish friend, and goes on to that place that has the foreigners. He was not even paying attention to her. I was.

Interlude: By foreigners I mean 25% latino (latin europe and south america), 25% middle eastern, 25% african (we dont have too many americans here, the ones I know, are actually easy to spot with their relaxed attitude and congruency with the hip hop style..) and the rest is a mixture of europe, and other places.

My world stops for ten seconds and then I burst to my friend:

"That bitch. Going to that party to see those guys she deems uuuuh sexy, should be fucking thankful of you local guys making this place safe, protecting her, dressed the way she is. Walk by, just walk by. Why the fuck you make that face, ha? Fuck, she would not last ten minutes in one of the sexy countries without getting raped to oblivion, or even here, were it not for you, natives, holding some kind of fucking order. But what do they do? Belittle, demean, and joke about the local men.

Man, you guys really should strike for a week or two. No security, nothing. Then we see how this civilized country actually stays on his feet...

Fuck..."

Note: Before calling me names, check Sweden's unedited rape statistics of the last ten years.

And, I am a foreigner, yes I do not act nice or respectful at all times, but I at least appreciate the reason this civilization, this culture exists in this god forsaken climate.

It is the men. And the women who supported their hard working men with love, loyalty and hard work. But it is the men who die(d) on the job, die(d) in the wars, and so on, truth to be told.

And these ungrateful bitches strike a chord.

As they should.

As they also should, in the local men.

One day it will strike the chord in a whole orchestra, thunders will sound beside the Northern Lights. That will be deafening.

Till that time, I'll judge.

Thank you, unknown person

You know, got to give credit where it is due.

Today I realized my 130 euro sports watch - yea, was part of the heart rate craze - was not home, and was not in my gym bag.

After my training, I think to myself, why not, and ask the girl at the counter,

"Has somebody brought in a yellow sports watch?"

She looks in the lost'n'found basket, and voila. In between water bottles, gloves, socks and jewelry, there was my watch.

Another watch, also looking expensive was there too. So people do bring these things back.

I thank you, whoever you are.

The Judge, Day Two: Just another bitch

I liked that song, that finnish song with the female singer having a gorgeous voice.Just beautiful.

Asked my friend if he knew who that his, and he looked at me as if I asked a five year old kid about Freud.

I want to know who is that singer, so I turn to my right, where a couple is standing, the guy being the one closer to me.

I lean in, towards the guy:

"Hey,... do you know who is the singer of this song?"

"Mmmmm..."

"Is it Maija Vilk...?"

"No, no, it is Kaija K."

"Thanks man"

"You're welcome"

In between this conversation, I noticed that the girlfriend was making the face that girls make when some dude they find unattractive hits on them; rolling her eyes.

Entitled bitch. Am I talking to you? Nope, I am not, And I have no interest.

Her boyfriend was a good guy, that is why I kept silent, otherwise, it was simple,

"Hey bitch. What da f"#¤ is dat face you making ha? Am I talking to you? Hey, newsflash: you are not the center of the universe, cunt"

Would've gotten me kicked out, but would've been worth it, except that the boyfriend was a good guy.

P.s.: I was born a romantic.

One good way to start the monday

Prologue:

Saturday night I see her coming into the bar, when I was leaving to the other side. She notices me, and smiles shyly.

Nowadays she must be twenty two or twenty three. I've had my eyes on her for quite some time, but for some reason never really talked much. Reason being: Exceptional looks, a height of 180, meat in the right places, and an innocent smile.

Half an hour later I bump into her, and we start talking. The conversation from the first second is normal, but the body language is on fire... and she pulls back. Introduces me to her neighbor,

"He is my very good friend"

"How do you know eachother?" with a smirk, testing the waters,

"Oh he is just a friend. Just a friend. My neighbor"

Poor guy was with us the whole time, sadness on his face, and I felt no pity. She had pulled herself back, contradicting her behavior in the first minute, causing a question mark in my head, and her very good friend nicely blocked me, I left, wondering about the sudden change in her behavior.

P.s.: This behavior usually happens when a girl feels she may be loosing control, and she has a reason that forbids her from losing control.

This morning:

I get up, effing monday. Take my gym bag, and go downstairs to walk to the car.

What I did not mention is that she works in this coffee that is close to my place.

I say eff it.

I need some mental boost to my monday.

I go to the coffee.

She sees me, smiles, without me asking pours me coffee totally full, she remembers I like my coffee black as a moonless sky, and I've ony taken coffee there a few times.

"Morning"

"Morning"

"You want something else?"

"Your number."

"eeh.. ha?"

"I want your number"

"...No...no"

"Coffee is good then"

And she smiles.

She also smiled while saying the "no". In a way that told me there is a boyfriend somewhere, and that makes intimacy not easily possible at this time. But I saw it in her face, that that was the only barrier.

Rejection? Well, yea.

Did I feel bad? Ehhm.. No.

I sat down with my hot coffee, enjoying the low flying morning sunshine, and smiled to myself, knowing I had to do it, to clear the waters, to see if she would be willing to drop by after work someday. It was in the end a verbalized rejection, but a rejection is always better than me not having tried.

And anyway, her words were saying no, but not the rest. She's young, and I got time; one day the little bird will want to fly again.

Sipped my coffee, content with myself,

"Gotta do what you gotta do."

Chivalry is dead. You wanna know why?

Chivalry is dead, yes. It is. You killed it. You strong and independent women who do not need men, unless you really need them. (Really : arbitrary definition, depending on how desperate or entitled the woman feels)

"Finndistan you are a misogynist. What chivalry could you be talking about anyway."

I will neglect that misogynist part.

My neighbor, aged ninety, I open doors for her. Some girls in my workplace, who showed clearly that they can thank when door is opened, I do it. But then, I do that also for guys.

It is a human thing.

Another neighbor of mine trying to carry her heavy suitcase got my help.

That is me.

Independent and strong girls get to carry their own stuff.

That is me, too.

A woman getting raped in the city centre and people walking by.

That is either lack of humanity.

Or death of chivalry.

(To be honest, in this example, I would call it death of humanity, or the extreme case of socialism... that is me)

There are many examples of guys outright ignoring women or treating them bad, totally against the codes of chivalry, against the wishes of the women who are still demanding special treatment - when it suits them.

But why do guys throw the towel?

What happens to them that they stop giving a fuck?

My father is too old to change, he is what he is.

He was having coffee with my mother in an expensive coffee, and they had this mother and her kid sitting beside them.

The kid was sitting in the chair, throwing a tantrum that it wanted to get closer to the table or something, she was standing there, her hands full, not being able to help her kid, looking helpless and/or annoyed.

My father got up, pushed the kid towards the table, and nodded to the woman.

Having grown three kids, he would know what to do; and no surprise the kid turned into a peacefully content little boy.

Instead of nodding, or just ignoring, she snarled at the man.

It ended with me hearing an hour of swear words about the generation of strong independent incapable women.

He will not change,one event like this will not change him.

But imagine if you are twenty five and have grown up with this behavior. Or this.

You would not give a f#¤k either,

Hell, possibly you'd advocate total ignorance.

A glimpse of the very near future:

"I want a strong man to carry my independent strong woman's purse. I will smile at him"

"Freck off..."

The Judge, Day One: Judge first, ask later

I*ve had these post sitting on my hard drive for some time. Was not sure if I should post them or not. As part of my purging the past, writing and posting every single post idea that I had jotted down, so I can kind of let go of some baggage, I will do this five day series on what I call judging. The last day will be a self reflection.

It all starts with,

"Finndistan man, you judge women too much."

Well my friend, do you remember that cute brunette you talked to for three hours; who found a guy fifteen minutes before the bar closed: Yea, that one. What you do not know , what I never had the heart to tell you is that  when you left for the restroom, she turned to her friend and made the throat slitting hand motion to her:

The motion with one hand moving over the throat, like a sword beheading ones head;

With a disgusted look on her face.

She really was not judging you, and sharing her judgement not only with her friend, but openly with everyone else in her vicinity, making it publicly known. Wait, wait, or was she?

...

"Finndistan man, you judge women too much."

Well my other friend, these two girls saw me, and one made that "eewww" face... To me. As if I do not know the guy she chose to spread her legs for, making her utterly worthless.

The difference between me and her is that her worthlessness is my opinion, and this opinion is still kept private, unlike the open "eeewww", who was visible to anyone catching a glimpse of that second long gesture.

...

"Finndistan man, you judge women too much."

Remember that one night when you were ditched by a drunk fat girl -,yea you were slumming it, and I told you that-, for a fat drunk slob, and her showing you to him, and laughing?

...

While you guys are accusing me of judging those little dimwits, they are fully judging you every second you are interacting with them. If that would not be enough, they also broadcast their judgements. That is, my friend, destruction to a guy.

A guy judging a woman matters not for other guys, they already made their minds up about her.

Women not so. A woman not liking you, simply may mean her friend has shared her judgement and the woman will not bother to find out by herself, if you're worth liking or not.

And one day you will learn, openly having judgements makes them judge you less, big majority of the time. Kind of burns some fuses in their attraction mechanisms. Instead of judging you, now they are trying to get your approval.

So, judge first, ask later, likely there will be no need to ask. Who cares when you are lying in bed with that post coitus tiredness.

(Worst case: You'll be proven right, good riddance to bad rubbish, best case, she'll try to prove you wrong, enter the limbo)